


Forget Me Not - Ereri

by Rosedon



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Also Heavy Fluff Ahead, Alternate Universe, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, And All The Butt Stuff, Angst, Anime, Army, Bottom Eren, But I Hope You Read This Anyway, But The Smut Will Make Everything Worth It, Character Death, Drama, Fanfiction, Feels, Fluff, Have I Convinced You Yet, Have fun crying, I swear, I'm Bad At Tagging, Manga, Modern Era, Plus Its Kinky, Porn, Reincarnation Bitch, Romance, Sexy Times, Smut, Top Levi, Yaoi, attack on titan - Freeform, ereri, eruri - Freeform, i promise this has a happy ending, relationships, shingeki no kyojin - Freeform, this will be fun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-09-25
Packaged: 2019-10-18 01:40:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 72,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17571881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rosedon/pseuds/Rosedon
Summary: They were nothing more than dreams. Nothing more than further proof of an imaginative mind. That's what Eren tried to convince himself as he laid eyes on the stranger with an all too familiar face. It was the same face that had been haunting his sleep for months now. Could this be some bizarre coincidence? Is it possible to dream of someone before having met them? Or perhaps they had met...long, long ago...in a world much different from our own.





	1. The beginning of the end

LEVI POV

 

Erwin Smith was someone Levi had once admired as a soldier, respected as a commander, and trusted as a friend, yet he couldn’t bring himself to even glance at the man now. Instead, Levi kept his eyes focused on the horizon above the hill while distracting his hands with the cravat that adorned his neck. Initially, he had fought against the compulsive movements of unraveling then tying the material in a repetitive fashion, knowing full-well how unhealthy it was to indulge his OCD.

Even so, he eventually caved into the coping mechanism despite his best efforts. His fingers remained on autopilot as he squinted towards the sun, and mentally measured its trajectory to calculate the amount of time that had passed since they had gathered in the open field. To his dismay, there was no difference between when he had last checked, and it became clear that how time was dragging on, causing minutes to feel like hours.

Lowering his sights, Levi noticed the outline of distant figures appearing on the skyline. A fleeting sense of relief dawned on him as the time of waiting came to a close, but the dread that immediately followed sent chills down his spine and a paralyzing effect throughout his entire body at the thought of what was yet to come. He had been imagining this moment for days now, the images had even followed him into his unconcious leading to multiple restless nights. It wouldn’t be much longer now until those nightmares would become a reality.

With a sharp rotation of his heel, Levi turned his back towards the oncoming group. He bit down upon his lower lip which had begun to quiver, refusing to reveal any form of weakness to his fellow soldiers.

“Captain.” Erwin cleared his throat, placing a firm hand on Levi’s shoulder as if to tell him, ‘pull yourself together’.

The unspoken command snapped Levi to attention and he forced himself to find composure, or at least, a falsified version of it. When he turned around to see five people standing before him, Levi could only bring himself to care about one. His eyes immediately fell upon Eren Jaeger who, judging from his slumped position, appeared to be unconscious. Hanji and Mike stood at either side of the young cadet with their hands being the only things that were stabilizing him. Directly behind Eren were Mikasa Ackerman and Armin Arlert, both of whom were pale in the face as though they may be sick.

Erwin gave a curt nod in Hanji and Mike’s direction, silently addressing them before stepping forward to kneel in front of Eren’s body. Levi felt his own face twitch as he struggled to maintain a steady expression, his feet prepared to lunge forward and throw himself between the two men if need be.

He watched as the commander cupped a hand roughly beneath Eren’s chin and lifted. Levi’s breath hitched at the sight of what had once been flawless tanned skin, now was tainted with splotches of purple and blue that predominantly covered his eyes and nose where droplets of blood trickled from the male’s nostrils. The corners of his mouth were also oozing crimson, splattering onto the collar of his shirt. Levi’s heart sank, his primary instinct being to cradle Eren’s body in a secure embrace, but he knew that would be deemed an inappropriate action.

Levi glanced between Hanji and Mike with wide incredulous eyes, nearly opening his mouth and demanding to know exactly what they had done to their comrade; once he knew, then he’d be sure to return the favor. An answer wasn’t necessary though. The explanation was sitting in front of him, completely beaten senseless. Whatever extreme measures they had exercised to drag Eren here were wasteful. In fact, this entire situation felt wrongfully inessential.

Thinking about the variety of possible ways they could have tortured the kid, the corporal was uncertain whether he wanted to cry or punch something as he stared at the nearly unrecognizable face before him. He decided upon the latter and his eyes narrowed at Erwin, knowing that he would have been the one to give orders on how to handle Eren.

Levi’s clenched fists were itching to collide with Erwin’s jaw, to rearrange his face in imitation of Eren’s, but he repressed the urges swelling inside of him. Violence was not the solution in this case, and Levi refused to stoop to Erwin’s level.

“I assume he gave you some trouble then?” Erwin arched an eyebrow at Hanji who nodded solemnly.

There came a brief pause in which the only sound that could be heard was the whistle of the wind, and perhaps Levi’s heart as it banged around in his chest. Knowing Erwin, who wasn’t one to waste time with words, he wouldn’t prolong this experience more than necessary. With Eren being present and incapable of fighting back, Erwin would carry on with his task.

Sure enough, Erwin stood, unsheathing his sword in a single fluid motion as he did so. “Hold his head upright.” 

As if on cue, Mikasa withdrew her own blade at the same moment Erwin had. The wordless threat followed by the intense gaze of determination to protect her brother had everyone frozen as they took notice, especially Erwin who locked eyes with the defensive cadet.

“Control yourself, Ackerman.” Erwin warned with a taunting look as if he was daring her to make a move.

Everyone seemed to hold their breath in anticipation as they watched Mikasa, knowing what would happen if she defied her commander’s orders. As she opened her mouth to give a retort, Armin suddenly spoke up instead. Levi assumed the blond had done so in an attempt to stop her from saying or doing anything that would only worsen the current circumstances.

“S-Sir!” Armin stuttered, his eyes begging for Erwin’s permission to speak.

With a wary wave of approval from Erwin, Armin nodded gratefully before continuing, “With all due respect, sir, I don’t fully understand nor do I agree with your decision to execute Eren Jaeger.”

A mixture of amusement and annoyment crossed Erwin’s features, “And why is that, Arlert?” 

“I believe that every life matters. We’ve lost enough soldiers already and losing another won’t make us any stronger as a group. In fact, it would make us weaker. We are only our strongest together.”

‘Damn, perhaps that kid was more useful than he had originally assumed. No doubt that Artlert had a brain.’, Levi thought. The corners of his mouth were beginning to twitch upwards to form a small, appreciative smile.

Erwin pondered what had been said for a moment, his head tilting slightly to the right as he considered Armin’s argument. “Arlert, Answer me this: why exactly did we lose so many soldiers? What cost their lives?” 

“The titans, sir.” Armin answered immediately.

“Did you or did you not join the survey corps to defend humanity against the titans?”

“Yes, sir.” Armin responded again, his voice less confident now as confusion passed over his face. Even Levi was suspicious about the direction Erwin was taking.

“Have we completed our task? Have we exterminated every single titan?” Erwin pressed.

“Yes.” 

“Wrong.” 

The snap response visibly jostled Armin who shrank away slightly as Erwin began to explain,  
“Eren Jaeger is a titan. His abilities proved helpful during our battle against the beasts, but that battle has been won. What will become of his abilities now? We don’t fully understand them, and he has proven on more than one occasion that he has no power to control them. What were to happen if he uncontrollably transformed into a titan and destroyed all that we have worked for?”

Levi couldn’t argue that Erwin presented a convincing point, but he didn’t agree with his less than stellar idea of how to fix the problem. Anytime Levi had approached him to discuss a better alternative, though, Erwin had shooed him away like a stray dog. 

‘Come on, kid. I couldn’t make him listen, but maybe you can.’ Levi gazed at Armin hopefully. He could see the boy’s mind reeling and searching for some sort of counter-argument.

Armin’s hand fumbled nervously. “Eren’s powers are...inexplicable and can appear dangerous at times,” He paused, “but he’s gained more control over them.”

Hanji smiled encouragingly at him, “He’s right, sir.” She looked at Erwin who was shocked to see her taking the other side. “If you allow me to experiment on him, I’m sure I could help him learn how to achieve complete control.” 

Peeking at Mikasa, Levi could see her demeanor had changed, her stance was less defensive and more relaxed. She had also returned her sword to the ODM gear strapped around her waist, but despite not having a weapon in hand, she remained immensely intimidating. Her dark eyes were glued to Erwin, shining with a glint that Levi swore could kill someone if they stared into them for too long. It was somewhat gratifying to see someone else fighting for Eren.

Being reminded of Eren’s presence, Levi redirected his attention to the male who appeared to be regaining consciousness. It was then that the air which had been trapped inside Levi’s lungs upon first laying eyes on Eren’s battered body, swept out of him in a single, extended sigh of relief. Levi surged forward without hesitation and dropped to the ground. Cupping his hands ever so gently beneath Eren’s face, he lifted slowly. Eren’s eyes blinked open... or at least, one of them did since the right was swollen shut. 

Seeing him awake, Hanji and Mike released Eren, letting him fall forward and into Levi who caught him with ease. Supporting the boy’s weight, Levi hugged him close before burying his face into the thick mop of hair he always complained about for being so unkempt.

Erwin sighed, “I will consider your arguments, as will the captains and squad leaders of the survey corps. We will meet tomorrow to discuss this further, but know that if we do not agree with you...whatever is decided will be final as will your fate if you choose to stand against us.”

Armin nodded, “Y-Yes, sir! Thank you!” He gave a hurried bow of appreciation before turning to Mikasa with a smile that spread ear to ear.

“We haven’t won yet, Armin.” Mikasa muttered, “Not even close.”

Even then, Levi knew what Mikasa said was true. However, he had no idea at the time that this would also be the beginning of everything.

Erwin stalked off with his hands clasped firmly behind his back, his lips pursed to a fine line of contempt. Levi wanted to chase after him and plead for Eren’s life, he wouldn’t allow Erwin to brush him off anymore. After all, he had been close friends with the commander for longer than he cared to admit and he would venture to claim that his knowledge of Erwin stretched far beyond anyone else’s. He was confident that if Erwin would be willing to hear anyone out, it would be him.

Mikasa interrupted his thoughts as she rushed over to Eren, pulling her brother from Levi’s arms and into her own. Armin also joined, kneeling beside his friends, and placed a consoling hand on the brunette’s back.

Levi studied the three of them for a moment before deciding that Eren was in safe hands. Even though he preferred it were his own capable arms carrying the cadet to his cabin, Levi had a more urgent matter to attend to. He stood, straightening his jacket before chasing after Erwin who he quickly caught up with. 

“Erwin.” 

The man turned at the mention of his name. “I thought we agreed you would refer to me as your commander when in public. If the cadets hear you call me otherwise then they will follow suit. I don’t want them forgetting my authority.”

“I doubt that would happen, commander.” Levi placed emphasis on the title in a tone of mockery. “Everyone has sincere respect for you.”

Erwin clenched his jaw, “If what you claim is true, then I wouldn’t have just had two cadets and two of my captains question my orders, captain.” He mimicked Levi’s mocking attitude.

“Because deciding who lives and dies isn’t in your job description.” 

“It isn’t in yours either.” 

Their eyes bore into one another as Levi stepped forward. “You want to kill one of our own out of fear. The commander I knew wasn’t afraid of anything.”

Erwin matched Levi’s movements, taking a single step towards the shorter man. “This isn’t about fear, Levi. This is about protecting the people.” He suddenly stopped speaking as he noticed their raised voices had attracted unwanted attention from by-passers.

Clearing his throat, the commander forced a charming smile that was so convincing, Levi found it difficult to believe they had been in an argument two seconds ago. He felt a hand grip his wrist in an iron grasp which began tugging him towards the survey corps headquarters where they stepped into Erwin’s office.

With a sigh, Erwin shut the door behind them. “Protecting the people is what I’ve always done, Levi,” He said, turning to face him directly, “and that is in my job description. Your job is to stand with me and support my decisions.” 

Pushing past the shorter male, Erwin strode towards his desk. 

Levi’s eyes followed him. “My job is to fight alongside you, but I refuse to condone an unnecessary sacrifice.”

Erwin sat down and folded his hands on top of the desk. “The only thing unnecessary is your attitude.” He paused before continuing. “You’re blind to the danger of the situation, Levi.”

“Blind?” Levi scoffed. “I’m not that old,” He retorted half-jokingly.

“You’ve been blinded by love.” 

Levi stiffened at this, drawing in a sharp breath as his mind immediately began to wonder how it was possible for anyone to know about the relationship he had been careful to keep as private as possible.

“Don’t act so surprised, Levi. If it wasn’t obvious before, then it certainly is now.”

Swallowing hard, Levi ignored the goosebumps that crawled up his arms at the thought of Erwin somehow being able to read his mind just now. Even then, with Erwin confronting him, Levi masked his emotions with an expression of disinterest. “Love? Don’t be daft.” He lied, but Erwin wasn’t convinced.

“Don’t pretend to act as if you don’t know what I’m talking about. I see the way you look at the boy. It’s the same way you used to look at me.”

This struck a sensitive chord within Levi and he temporarily lost self control as he grit his teeth. “Don’t.” He snapped, “Don’t act like you care.”

Erwin shook his head. “He is a serious threat to our society, Levi. You’re just too blinded by love to recognize it.”

“And you’re too blinded by your jealousy to realize that you’re mistaken,” Levi pushed back, the feelings he had attempted to bury deep within him rising quickly now and bubbling their way to the surface.

“You’re making this personal when it is clearly a matter of protecting the people.”

“Then why won’t you protect him?!” He finally exploded, slamming a fist onto the table and shaking it enough that a book along with a trinket that been resting on top of it were sent to the floor with a thud.

Almost in a desperate fashion, Erwin ducked down and snatched up one of the two items. He sat up slowly, clutching it in his hands as if it were his most prized possession.

Upon peering closer, Levi recognized the object. A small bird carved of wood, it had been a present that Levi had once given to Erwin for his birthday. Nostalgia came flooding back along with old memories that tugged at his heart strings in both the best and worst way. “You actually kept it...” He muttered.

Erwin nodded, his hands trailing over the now broken beak. “Of course.” He responded fondly. “ I couldn’t imagine parting with it.” He whispered, returning it to the place on his desk.

“Why?” Levi wondered.

“Why?” Erwin repeated, “You left me with nothing else.”

Levi tore his eyes away from the carving. “Don’t do that. Don’t act like you’re the victim.”

“You’re the one who left.”

“And you’re the one I caught kissing someone else.” Levi shot back.

Erwin ran a hand through his hair. “I told you, it wasn’t like that.”

“I don’t care what it was.”

“It was a misunderstanding. Similar to the one we’re having now.”

Levi rolled his eyes. “What is there to misunderstand, Erwin? The only thing I misunderstand is your ability to reason. Your brain seems to be lacking in that department, considering your more recent choices.”

“It’s as simple as this: upon joining the survey corps, you along with every other member gave an unbreakable oath to fight against the titans until your final breath-”

“And I honored that oath until we destroyed the last of them.” Levi cut him off.

Erwin held up a hand to silence him. “Except we didn’t. We cannot allow titan shifters such as Eren to roam freely among the common folk. People will feel threatened, which is exactly the sort of thing we want to expel after having lived in fear for over a century. More importantly, the seed of distrust would be planted within them. That distrust would be directed towards us and they would begin to question why we have placed a monster in their midsts. Why we would allow a titan to infiltrate our ranks and act as their protector. They would fear our true motives and Eren’s as well.”

Levi didn’t wish to admit that there was truth to what Erwin said, but he also held out hope for a better approach. He knew one existed, they just needed to find it.

“It’s not right.” Levi spoke up. “You can’t kill Eren.”

Erwin looked at him solemnly. “I can, and if the others agree with me tomorrow...I will.”


	2. The final decision

LEVI POV 

 

As the sun peeked over the eastern side of the wall and poured it’s light into Levi’s home, he felt his stomach twist and tighten. In a few short hours, Erwin would sit among the members of the survey corps and openly debate Eren’s fate. Levi hadn’t been able to sleep the night before, especially after his conversation with Erwin. After leaving the office yesterday, his nerves were wired and he knew trying to sleep would prove pointless. 

So instead, he had spent the dark hours before dawn in a rickety wooden chair with his only company being a rusted bottle of whiskey. The drink had once belonged to his father, but Levi had never seen the old man even sneak a sip from it. As a young boy, this sparked a lot of confusion within Levi.

Why keep an object if the only purpose it served was to accumulate dust in the corner of a rather empty pantry?

Eventually, Levi presented this burning question to his father who leaned down with his hands on his knees and a smile that stretched wide across his sunken cheeks. He said, “Levi-chan, your old man spent his entire pocket on that bottle once. It would be a shame to waste it, don’t ya think? This drink deserves to be saved for a very special day.”

That ‘special day’ must have never come because the bottle remained untouched until the day both his parents died. Thus, it was passed down to Levi with the rest of their possessions, and it was in their honor that Levi refrained from touching the bottle for several years. He didn’t wish to waste a single drop on any regular day like he had been warned against. 

Assuming that his late parents had wished to preserve the whiskey for a time worth celebrating, Levi waited for that day with anticipation. As time passed though, he grew impatient waiting for happiness that he doubted would ever come. It wasn’t until he joined the corps that the miniscule amount of hope and patience he had been holding onto was ripped away as was the prospect of ever dusting off that lonely bottle. 

Though Levi kept his distance from the cupboard, he was not inexperienced with alcohol. In fact, Levi had built up an impressive tolerance to the drink which he often joked was the most important skill he had acquired since becoming a part of the scouting regiment. In hindsight, perhaps it would have been useful to also learn a coping method besides drinking oneself into a stupor to deal with death. 

It was his only vice though, and not having the will to leave the comfort of his own home the evening before, Levi finally cracked open the bottle that had been stashed out of sight and mind for so long. He figured there was nothing more special than what he knew would either be the worst or last day of his life, possibly both. 

Swigging the last portion in a single gulp, Levi thoughtlessly tossed the empty bottle across the room until it shattered onto the floor. Pieces of glass scattered over the wooden planks, but Levi couldn’t bring himself to clean it despite the tug in his gut urging him to so do. He typically kept his house in pristine condition, but his life had become such a mess that he couldn’t clean; he couldn’t dust over mistakes or reassemble his broken heart so what did it matter if there were shards of glass on the floor? It seemed to be the least of his problems.

The only thing Levi could think about then was Eren and what Erwin’s decision would be. He almost didn’t want to go, hoping that perhaps if he remained locked in his house and allowed the alcohol to numb him a bit more then he wouldn’t have to hear the words that he dreaded were coming. He couldn’t do that though, he had to be there for Eren. Who else was going to fight for the boy’s life?

Standing slowly, Levi stumbled a bit though he wasn’t drunk by any standards. Even so, the anxiety combined with sleep deprivation and liquor were affecting him more than he had originally expected. He lazily staggered into his bedroom, dawning a freshly washed uniform along with his dark leather boots that gave him a boost in height and confidence.

Frankly, he needed as much confidence and daring he could muster. Levi would be going into battle like never before and this fight would be far deadlier than any he had experienced. Today, he would be fighting for someone else’s life rather than his own.

Striding towards the court house, Levi held his head high until he reached the double doors. An uneasy feeling swept over him as he stared at them. Not sure if he was ready to face what awaited him on the other side. Still, he had a mission to do and somebody to save. With that thought in mind, Levi swung the doors open where a full courtroom was waiting.

Members of the survey corps, each clad in their uniform, turned heads towards the sound of his entry. Levi’s eyes scanned throughout the crowd, focusing on familiar faces such as Armin and Mikasa. Once again, their expressions were filled with concern and directed towards Eren who was chained to a thick wooden pole in the middle of the room.

Levi nearly smiled at the ironic sight until he saw Erwin, who was sitting amongst the other higher ranks of the corps, overlooking the entire space from the judge’s podium. The commander seemed displeased by his tardiness, but Levi wasn’t planning to apologize. Instead, he silently took his seat with the other captains.

Clearing his throat, Erwin spoke loudly enough for his voice to carry throughout the entire court. “Now that we are all present, we can discuss the fate of this cadet, Eren Jaeger. As I am sure all of you are aware, Eren Jaeger is a titan shifter. Though the scout regiment has done our own research and experimentation, we have yet to fully understand his abilities and their origin.”

“Commander,” Levi interrupted, “You’re forgetting the crucial detail that Eren has more control of his abilities now more than ever before. With the help of Captain Zoe which I’m sure we can rely on, he can come to learn more about his power and so will we.”

Hanji nodded in agreement before piping in, “I wouldn’t be opposed to operating further experimentations.”

“That may be true,” Erwin admitted before his face darkened, “but there is not much that can be done to stop this altogether which is what’s needed. As an oath to protect ourselves and the people within these walls, we vowed to fight against the titans. All of the titans, and Eren fits into that category.”

“He also happens to be human which is his form a majority of the time.” Levi spoke up again.

Mike seemed to mull this over before joining in, “He is one of our own, commander.”

A single glance from Erwin was enough to silence Mike immediately, “ I do not forget he is a team member of the survey corps, but I am more concerned with the threat he poses to our society.”

“He’s the one that helped you build it.” Levi interjected.

This sparked soft murmurs amongst the other members. Levi puffed out his chest at the positive response he had provoked.

“He could also be the one to destroy it. Did you forget the other titan shifters such as, Annie Leonhart?” Erwin asked.

At this, the entire courtroom hushed. 

Levi’s throat became dry at the mention of Annie and the memory of how she single-handedly cost him some of the closest friends he ever had. Swallowing hard, Levi gathered his bearings and maintained a professional appearance. “I didn’t forget.”

“Let us all not forget that it was a titan shifter much like Eren who killed multiple members of the corps, forced our scouting mission to make a full retreat, and betrayed us all.” Erwin said cooly, looking at Eren. “And for all we know, Eren Jaeger could do the same.”

These words struck the entire place like a match, igniting a flame that could be easily seen in the eyes of every citizen present. There were some like Mikasa and Armin defending Eren yet the majority were demanding his death. Erwin had scared them into submission. 

“Eren is not the monster you’re shaping him to look like.” Levi stood, commanding attention. Everyone focused on him as he raised his voice. “Cadet Jaeger has been one of our most loyal cadets which he has proven on countless occasions. One of them being when he fought Annie Leonhart face to face.”

It was then that Eren raised his head, those stunning bright green eyes stared into Levi's and for a moment, everything else seemed to disappear. The screams, the complaints, the fighting...it all stopped. It was just the two of them and all Levi could think about were those captivating eyes that never failed to make his heart melt.

As bizarre as it may seem, Levi had never met someone as mentally scarred as himself until he saw those eyes. Even in the beginning, he could see a piece of himself in Eren. To see the parts of himself that he hated most walking around in another body had been jarring. In fact, he had hated it at first...until he fell in love with it. Falling in love with Eren, even the messed up parts of him, helped Levi learn to love himself more in return. He couldn't imagine losing Eren because to lose him would feel like losing that piece of himself. If Erwin assumed he had already won this fight then he was wrong. Levi was going to fight like hell for that stupid fucked up brat.

‘Don’t worry, kid. I got your back.’ Levi silently swore.

“What are we if we murder an innocent person? We’re the true monsters then.” Levi stated.

“But who are we if we do nothing and allow him to destroy everything we've worked for?" Erwin paused, letting everyone consider his argument before standing slowly. “Hundreds of lives have been lost due to the Titan’s reign. I refuse to lose any more.”

“I agree.” Levi said, “And Eren is our most valuable weapon to protect humanity.”

“He is also the most threatening weapon that could destroy it...Keeping that in mind, I request everyone exits the courtroom except for those that have joined me on this council and Mr. Jaeger." Erwin finished. 

Eren scoffed audibly. "Not like I can go anywhere."

With all that was wrong, that boy managed to keep a feisty personality. It made Levi smile a little. Once everyone had gone, Erwin looked to the captains and squad leaders.

"Your votes?" He prompted.

Mike pursed his lips, "I stand with you." He placed a hand on Erwin's shoulder.

Hanji stared at the two of them with what appeared to be pain clouding her eyes, "I refuse to kill one of our own.”

Levi moved closer to Hanji, "And I'm with Hanji." He declared.

Darius who had sat quietly throughout the entire debate finally spoke up, "I'm with the commander."

Erwin nodded gratefully towards him, "I appreciate-"

Levi cut him off, "You're going to side with him?" He hissed in disbelief. His mind wasn’t sharp enough to move at its regular pace, but Levi had thought he gave a compelling argument. Had it not been enough? Had he allowed this to happen? No, it wasn’t his doing. 

Whipping around, he glared at Erwin loathingly, "You don’t deserve to be called a commander. You’re a murderer." He spat, his eyes blazing.

Everyone seemed to hold their breath, watching Erwin for a response. "At least I'm not ignorant to the danger of the situation." He finally said.

"Ignorant..." Levi repeated, fumbling with his cravat. "I'm the only one who is thinking rationally."

Erwin pursed his lips as he shook off Mike's hand that had been resting on his shoulder and stepped towards Levi, "At least I'm not the one who was irresponsible enough to lose his entire squad."

It felt like he had been slapped across the face, Levi blinked in surprise. His lips parting in a quick exhale at the memory of those faces..His friends with dead eyes. 

The moment the words left his mouth, Erwin must have known he had crossed the line. His eyes softened as he stepped forward once again, reaching a hand towards Levi who smacked it away, “Their deaths are on my hands. Don't you think I know that? I’ve had to live with it every damn day since they died. Don't you fucking tell me something I already know. You're a damn coward, Erwin. A pathetic coward who has more blood on his hands than anyone else in this room...At least I fought for my squad! You just send people to their deaths as if you don't even give a shit!" He scowled at Erwin, not even recognizing him as the man he had once loved.

Everyone was silent. Not a word was spoken though the silence was enough to speak the words that everyone was thinking.

Erwin stared at Levi for what felt like forever before he said, "It's three against two, Levi...”

Levi shook his head, "Don't say it." He tried to sound intimidating, but it sounded more like he was begging which he was though he would never admit it. He hated being the one to gravel at Erwin's feet, but he couldn't simply accept that this man had won. "Please." Levi whispered, his voice breaking slightly.

A look of pity crossed Erwin's features before he regained control of himself. "I hereby sentence Eren Jaeger to death."


	3. This is goodbye

LEVI POV

Erwin’s words crashed into Levi like a tidal wave, engulfing him, and forcing all the air from his lungs. As if he were actually underwater, Levi’s vision blurred and the voices around him became muffled. 

“Levi?” Someone spoke yet it was difficult to pinpoint who the voice belonged to, they sounded so distant.

The only clear voice was the one in his head and it was frantically trying to piece everything together in his mind. How had it come to this? How did he allow it to? 

“Levi.” There it was again, his name. 

He had no energy to spare though. Every ounce that he had needed to be focused on his next plan of action. What else could be done to prevent this?

“Levi!” The voice came sharp and clear now, cutting through Levi’s stupor. His eyelids fluttered and his gaze came to rest on Erwin whose face was mere centimeters away from his own.

Erwin had both hands grasping Levi’s shoulders firmly, “Are you alright?” He asked. Those thick brows were furrowed, creating a crease between them. A sure sign that the commander was genuinely concerned.

“I’m fine.” Levi croaked as he lowered himself into a chair and began massaging his temples. 

“I expect you to be there tomorrow, Levi. The execution will be at dawn.” Erwin said. 

Levi nodded warily as he tried to listen, but his brain was practically screaming at him. Everything seemed to be. His whole body ached and screamed in such a way that it was nearly impossible to pay attention. 

“I’ll be keeping Eren in a cell overnight.” Erwin added.

“Right.” Levi squeezed his eyes shut, he hoped that would calm his churning stomach. 

“Mike will be keeping guard.” He heard Erwin say.

Levi snorted in response. 

“What’s so funny, Ackerman?” Mike asked defensively.

Squinting open his eyes, Levi looked at the blond man. He had a similar build to Erwin and shared many alike features with him, the only noticeable difference being Mike’s mustache and scruff. If Levi didn’t know better then he might have assumed them to be brothers. Worse than that though, Mike and Erwin were a couple.

“I simply find it amusing that the commander is sending his boyfriend to act as a guard dog. Didn’t think you’d become his bitch so quickly.” Levi explained, relishing in the expression of surprise that passed over Mike’s face before it turned bright red from anger. 

Mike’s upper lip curled into a snarl as he stepped forward, but Erwin stopped him.

“Take the boy.” Erwin ordered, nodding to Eren. 

Mike hesitated briefly, but did as he was told. This prompted another scoff from Levi who was watching Erwin with a hard expression.

“You always were the dominant one.” Levi kept his voice cool.

Erwin set his jaw, ignoring the comment. “If you wish to say goodbye to your ‘friend’ then you’ll want to do so now.”

Levi stood shakily, his knees wobbling a bit. “A word?” He grabbed Erwin, tugging him into the broom closet behind the judge’s podium.

Erwin smirked slightly as they entered the confined space. “We haven’t been here in a while.”

“Get your head out of the gutter.” Levi shrugged him off. “I brought you here to talk about Eren.”

“My decision is final, Levi. Don’t waste your time trying to change my mind.”

That’s exactly what Levi would try do though, despite how hopeless the situation may appear. “He dedicated his entire life to the survey corps.”

“He was prepared to die for it too.” Erwin nodded.

“Eren did die for the corps. He’s been closer to death than any of us. How can you not see that as pure devotion?”

“You want to know what I see? I see a man less than human. Someone who can corrupt this entire city!”

Levi refrained from tossing his hands up in exasperation though the expression of annoyance was plain on his face. “He could have done that years ago, but he’s never once brought intentional destruction unnecessarily.”

“I don’t trust him.” Erwin stated.

“Care to explain why?” 

A brief moment of silence passed between the two as they stared at one another. 

“I don’t need to explain myself.” The blond finally spoke.

“Oh, right. Because you’re the commander, is that it? The title you use to hold yourself on a pedestal exempts you from reason?” 

“I have my reasons, Levi. I don’t care to explain them to you though.” 

That was a first. Though Levi had known for a while now that his relationship with Erwin wasn’t quite the same as it used to be, hearing those words leave his friend’s mouth was more difficult to swallow than he had imagined.

“You may not trust, Eren. I know you trust me though, and I believe that you’re rushing this decision.” Levi maintained a level tone.

“You’re wrong. I don’t trust you.” Erwin’s voice wavered ever so slightly.

If Levi was hurt before, he was aching now. Having never been much of a social butterfly, his friends were few. Erwin was one of the only living people he had whom he could consider as a friend, and there had once been a time when they were more than such.

How could that history be disregarded so easily and quickly? 

“Funny that you’re the one to have lost trust in me.” His voice was softer than he wanted it to be.

Erwin’s eyes narrowed slightly. “What do you mean?”

“Don’t act like such a fool.” Levi sighed, “It’s exhausting having to rehash your affair aloud as though you don’t remember it.”

“To be fair, I don’t remember it.” 

“You think that’s an excuse?” Levi scoffed.

“And you think that what I did with Mike has any connection to my decision about Eren?” Erwin asked.

“I think you’re jealous.” Levi continued.

“Of who?”

“Eren.”

Erwin tensed, his jaw clenching. “Are you accusing me of executing a fellow soldier due to jealousy?” 

“Is that what you’re doing?”

“No. You know why I’m doing this.” 

This time, Levi did throw up his hands in aggravation. “You’ve failed to tell me most of your reasons why!” 

“I have no obligation to tell you anything anymore.” Erwin said.

“He’s not just a cadet, Erwin. He’s a child!” 

Erwin clicked his tongue. “Careful. Doesn’t that make your relationship frowned upon?”

“No.” Levi hissed through clenched teeth, “Eren is of age.”

“So, he isn’t a child then.”

Levi shook his head. “You talk about Eren’s lack of humanity, but where is yours?”

“Isn’t this what I do? Send people off to their deaths as if I don’t give a shit?” Erwin folded his arms.

Hearing the words be recited back to him caused Levi to falter and a sigh escaped his lips. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“You’re right. You shouldn’t have.” Erwin agreed.

“Nevertheless, I won’t let you do this.” 

“You can’t stop me, Levi.”

Levi already knew this though. There was no stopping Erwin, no matter which way he looked at it- Levi had been backed into a corner. He couldn’t maneuver out of this which meant only one option remained.

“You’re right.” Levi paused, “But if you’re planning to kill Eren then you’ll have to kill me first.” 

“You’re bluffing.” Erwin challenged, but his calm composure was cracking.

The corner of Levi’s mouth turned upwards into a small smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow at dawn.” He walked out of the closet to find the room had been cleared except for Mike and Eren. 

Mike was currently helping Eren to his feet after having unchained him. Even from a distance, Levi could see that Eren’s face was worse than yesterday. The bruises were darkening, his right eye was severely swollen, and he was an utter mess. Levi didn’t care though. 

“Give us a moment.” Levi said as he approached the two.

Mike reluctantly walked away, giving them some privacy.

“Ironic that we’re back here again.” Eren rubbed his wrists which were red from the handcuffs. “Reminds me of-”

“The time I saved your life?”

“Is that what you were doing?” Eren cocked his head to the side, “I could have sworn you were trying to kill me.”

“Don’t tempt me.” Levi teased, causing Eren to smile.

Two soft dimples formed in the boy’s cheeks and his whole face brightened. Levi stared at that beautiful sight, but eventually had to force himself to look away. He didn’t want to linger on the thought that this may be the last time he’d ever see that dopey smile. Stepping forward, Levi wrapped his arms around Eren. 

“You’re acting like this is goodbye.” Eren whispered as he returned the embrace.

Levi inhaled deeply, “This is goodbye, kid.” He fought to keep his voice steady. There was no way in hell he’d allow Erwin to see him break. Besides, he needed to be strong for Eren. 

Eren squeezed Levi so tight that he feared his ribs may crack, but he didn’t pull away. It was several minutes before they finally released one another and Levi reached for the cravat around his neck. Untying it, he placed it in the palm of Eren’s hand.

“This was made from the fabric of a dress that my mother used to wear...it was her favorite dress, and it was my most prized possession until-“ He paused, his eyes flickered to Eren briefly. Levi didn’t finish the sentence as he closed Eren’s hand around the material. “I want you to have it.”

He watched Eren stare at it admiringly, “Levi, I can’t take this from you.” 

“I want you to have it, Eren.” Levi assured him as he began retreating gradually, knowing he had made the right choice in giving that piece of himself to Eren.

“Levi!”

Levi turned to see Eren walking quickly towards him with a sense of determination in his eyes that made Levi wonder what he was doing though he didn’t have to question long.

Once Eren reached him, the boy didn’t hesitate to lean down and capture Levi’s mouth in a kiss sending his heart into a fluttering frenzy. Any other day, he would have kicked himself for acting like a little girl, but he would allow himself this today. 

Because though Erwin doubted him, Levi had sworn to himself that if Eren’s heart were to stop beating tomorrow then so would his. So, for the first time ever, he didn’t hate how giddy he became at the touch of the person he loved. Raising himself onto his toes, Levi tangled his hands into Eren’s thick hair before giving a gentle tug. 

Eren’s hands slipped down Levi’s sides before coming to rest on his hips. Their lips pushed against one another tenderly at first before the pace rapidly transformed into one that carried a sense of urgency along with it. They crashed into the other with intensity and desire, savoring the taste of wet sloppy kisses. Enjoying what it felt like to be truly alive, since death would be coming for both of them soon enough. 

Eren parted, opening his eyes to look at Levi.

“Why’d you stop?” Levi breathed, not wanting the moment to end.

“Figured you may want to catch your breath, old man.” Eren teased.

Levi frowned. “I’m not that old, brat.” 

“Levi,” Eren began, “I-“

Levi was quick to cut him off though, “I know, kid. I know.” He smiled slightly, not prepared to hear those three words finally spoken. They had been burning on the tip of his own tongue for months, but he had never been able to say them. He certainly didn’t think he could bear hearing it now, his throat was already sore from resisting the urge to break down. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Levi’s voice cracked as he whirled around and hurried out the door.

As soon as he stepped outside, his stomach lurched and contracted violently. Doubling over, he vomited onto the grass. His throat burned with acid and the taste of alcohol as he heaved once more. 

Using the remaining strength he had, Levi hobbled home with trembling limbs. He went directly to the bathroom where he collapsed onto the floor, bent over the toilet bowl as he prepared for another wave.   
All the while, he thought about tomorrow and what would come with it.


	4. Till death do us part

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLS READ: 
> 
> Hey guys, so I wanted to add to this chapter’s experience by giving you the option of listening to a song that I chose to specifically enhance the emotions happening in this scene. You can find it on spotify or youtube so if you want the full experience then take a listen to “Farewell Life” by Arn Andersson and Nights Amore while reading. And as always, I hope you enjoy!

EREN POV

Eren woke from a mostly restless night, his eyelids heavy and his entire body begged for more sleep. He wanted so badly to give in and drift off again, but the clanging sound of the cell door opening told him that it was too late.

Mike hovered over him. “Time to rise and shine.”

Eren groaned, pushing himself out of the rickety bed. “You should really invest in some new beds. I rate this place like two stars out of five.” 

Mike shook his head in exasperation before pulling a pair of handcuffs from his pocket and latching them onto Eren’s wrists. Eren winced as he tried to wriggle his hands, but he was completely restrained. 

“You don’t even look scared.” Mike noted as he led them outside.

“Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve stared death in the face.” Eren responded.

Though that may be true, they both knew this was different even if neither one said it aloud. Stepping into the sunshine, which had just begun its ascent, Eren found himself smiling without even realizing it. Soft colors of pink and yellow painted the baby blue sky. Eren had seen several sunrises similar to this, but he had never taken the time to appreciate them. 

Even when he served in the corps and had the possibility of his death to look forward to every day, Eren hadn’t admired the little things like this. He had always been so focused on his goal to kill the titans that he didn’t bother giving attention to much else. Maybe he should have made more time..Because now, he hardly had any left. 

Mike gestured ahead, “Come on.” He nudged Eren who turned to see the silhouette of his commander standing on the same hill they had gathered on yesterday.

The outline of a sword was clearly visible and Eren’s body shuddered involuntarily at the thought of how the blade would feel. For a second, he considered transforming into a titan. If he did then he could make a run for it, but he’d never be welcomed back...He’d never see Mikasa, Armin, or Levi again. A life without them wouldn’t be a life at all. 

It was Mikasa who noticed him first, “Eren!” She lunged forward and tackled him into a hug. She clutched him close. “I’m so sorry, Eren.”

“For what?” He asked, confused.

“I promised myself that I would always protect you. That I’d repay you for the day you found me.” She buried her face into his shoulder, “But-but I couldn’t.”

Eren couldn’t stop from rolling his eyes, “I never needed you to protect me.” 

He could feel her body trembling against his own as she fought back tears. “But I wanted to.” She whispered.

“I know, but you need to protect yourself. I didn’t save you that day, you saved yourself. You fought and you won.” 

Pulling away, Mikasa stared at him with tears brimming her eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing.” Eren said, his eyes flickering to Armin who was standing close by. Eren could see his friend’s lower lip quivering and it was obvious that he was also refraining from crying.

Armin stepped forward as he locked eyes with Eren, he opened his mouth to speak then closed it without a word. 

Eren couldn’t blame him, he didn’t know what to say either. What was he supposed to say in a situation like this? What did he want the last thing for them to hear be?

“Go to the ocean for me.” He said, eyes flickering between his best friend and sister.

A stifled whimper came from Armin as he cupped a hand over his mouth to quiet the sob that tore through his throat. Mikasa finally broke too, her tears cascading down her cheeks. 

“We were supposed to go together.” She cried.

“I’ll be there with you.” Eren promised, offering a small smile before he turned to Levi who was glaring at the ground. 

“Careful, you’ll get more wrinkles than you already have.” He attempted a joke.

“This isn’t funny, Eren.” Levi shook his head in annoyance, his eyes glistening as he spoke. 

Eren’s breath got caught in his throat as he noticed the tears threatening to escape his captain’s eyes. He had never seen Levi so emotional before. Even when he had lost his squad, Levi had always kept a level head. It felt strange to see humanity’s strongest show any form of weakness. “Levi…” Eren began, but was cut off.

“I don’t regret beating the shit out of you that day in court.” Levi said.

“What?” Eren blinked, taken aback. 

“I did what was necessary to save your life and that is something I will never regret.” Levi cleared his throat, refusing to make eye contact with Eren. “It was an honor to fight alongside you.”

Though Levi may not have used the same words that Eren would have, he knew what it meant.

“The honor was mine.” Eren said, his voice wavering. He regretted not having told Levi sooner, not saying exactly how much the man standing before him meant. 

Erwin stepped forward, “It’s time.” 

Eren gave one last look to his friends before he begrudgingly trudged over to Erwin. With each step, he thought about the places he had been, the things he had seen, the people he has loved. He heard it said that your life flashes before your eyes as you die and he had always wondered if that was true. He hoped it was. He wanted his last thoughts to be of the three people standing behind him. 

Standing before the commander, Eren began to seriously reconsider changing into a titan. It seemed like a better alternative to this shit show. He wouldn’t run though. He wouldn’t be weak. Eren had never been a coward before and he refused to be one now. As the commander raised his sword, Eren forced himself to keep his eyes wide open. 

Staring up at the sky, he smiled. It would be over soon..Even then, he could imagine his mother’s face smiling back at him.

‘I made it, mom.’ He braced for impact.

That’s when something unexpected happened. A blur of black hair flashed in front of him and then came a sound that Eren would never forget. It was a bloodcurdling scream, the sort of noise that hurt your ears and heart to hear. It was the sound of a person in agonizing pain, but it wasn’t Eren. He looked down at himself, half expecting to see the hilt of a sword sticking out of him, but there was nothing.

Raising his eyes to Erwin, he could see that the man had turned white as a sheet. His eyes looked as if they were about to pop right out of their sockets. Eren followed his gaze to find Levi, lying on the ground in fetal position with a sword protruding from his chest.

Eren’s surroundings disappeared, his eyes focusing only on Levi as his knees buckled beneath him. A burning sensation filled his stomach and chest, setting his body aflame with rage as he broke the cuffs that bound him.

“Jaeger!” Erwin warned, but Eren wasn’t listening.

Grabbing Levi’s face, he turned it towards him. “Levi! What the hell were you thinking?! And you call me the suicidal bastard…” Eren shook his head, grabbing a hold of Levi’s hand. “You-You’re not going to die today! You can’t, okay?!”

Reaching into his pocket, Eren revealed the cravat that had been given to him as a gift. He slipped it into Levi’s hand, the once snow white material staining red. 

“You’re going to be okay. It’s..It’s only a little blood.” Eren stammered, but the deep color was consuming his sight. It spread Levi’s chest and the blade that was buried in it. 

“Don’t just stand there like a coward!” Do something!” Eren shouted at Erwin who was visibly quaking.

This seemed to shake Erwin out of shock and he quickly jumped into action. Falling to the ground, he began shrugging out of his jacket. “Lift him, Eren.” He ordered and Eren obeyed. 

Erwin tied his jacket around Levi and the sword as well as he could. “This will..will keep the sword in place.” He stuttered, wiping a layer of sweat from his forehead.

“Get a doctor!” Erwin barked at Mike who was sprinting across the field before Erwin even finished his sentence.

“Eren…” A soft voice beneath Eren whimpered.

“L-Levi!” Eren pulled the man’s head into his lap. “Mike went to get a doctor. Just hang on.”

“I’m glad you didn’t-“ The man struggled to speak and sucked in a deep breath, wincing as he did so. “Die with them.” He managed to finish, but the color in his face was draining quickly and his eyes were losing focus.

“Die with them? What the hell are you talking about?” Eren shook his head, not understanding.

“His squad.” Erwin clarified. “He’s glad you didn’t die with the rest of his squad.” 

Eren swallowed hard before squeezing Levi’s hand, “Stop talking like that. The doctor is coming and you’re going to live.” He lifted his head to see Mike was returning with a doctor following behind him. “Here they come!” 

‘Thank God. I was starting to think they wouldn’t make it.’ Eren smiled, he didn’t feel like he needed to cling so desperately to hope now. Help had arrived and Levi would be okay.

Looking down at Levi’s face though, it was completely expressionless. Those once beautiful blue eyes that Eren loved so much appeared dull. 

“Levi.” Eren shook him lightly, but no response came. 

Grabbing a hold of Levi’s shoulders, Eren shook him violently. “Levi!” He screamed, but nothing. The captain lied there motionless, staring into oblivion. His jaw slacked and lips parted.

“Is this a joke?!” Eren spluttered as his eyes welled with tears. “Because I’m not fucking laughing!” Eren shook his head, refusing to accept what he was seeing. “Wake up, you selfish bastard! You can’t-you can’t leave me here!” 

‘Don’t do this. Please don’t do this. You’re supposed to be stronger than this!’ Eren pleaded in his mind as he stared at Levi for any sign of life.

Mike and the doctor approached them breathless, but stopped in their tracks at the sight of Eren’s blotchy face. Tears streaked his reddened cheeks. 

“Eren…” Erwin’s voice came solemnly. 

“No! Don’t say it!” Eren snapped, “He’s not dead! He’s not dead. He can’t be. He’s humanity’s strongest.”

“He was.” Erwin corrected.

“No, he is!” Eren refused to believe Levi had become a thing of the past. Eren jumped when feeling someone’s hand on his shoulder, he looked to see Mikasa staring down at him with pity.

“Come on, Eren.” She slipped her arms beneath his pits and lifted, but Eren shoved her away. He didn’t want to be coddled, he didn’t need her to comfort him. He was fine and so was Levi! Everything was fine...Except that was all bullshit. Even if he wanted to lie to himself, he couldn’t. Nothing was fine. Nothing could ever be fine again.

“Eren!” He heard Armin gasp, but Eren ignored it.

Instead, he turned his sights to Erwin. “You…” He seethed through gritted teeth, “You killed him.” He stood slowly before lunging at the commander.

Erwin caught Eren by his collar before throwing him to the ground. Eren rolled for a second, but jumped back to his feet. The adrenaline helping push him onward. His whole body shook with hatred. He was going to kill Erwin. He wouldn’t let that murdered get away with this.

“Eren, stop!” Armin yelled, throwing himself between the two men.

“Move, Armin.” Eren growled.

Armin didn’t budge though, and that’s when Mikasa grabbed their friend’s arm. Pulling him aside, she cleared the path for Eren to make another move of attack. He swung a punch which Erwin easily blocked. 

“This isn’t my doing, Eren! I would never have-“ Erwin paused, “I would never have killed Levi purposely.” 

Eren didn’t care though. Whether it had been on purpose or not, Levi was dead and he would make the man at fault pay. He raised a rand towards his mouth, prepared to give that payback. 

Before he could though, Erwin pulled a pistol from the holster that was attached to his pants. He aimed the gun directly at Eren. “Levi wasn’t supposed to die, Eren. You were.” 

“You think this is my fault?” Eren hissed, “I wasn’t the one holding the sword!” 

Erwin’s eyebrows twitched as he placed a threatening finger on the trigger.

Out of his peripheral vision, Eren saw Mikasa step forward. Mike was quick to block her though.

Eren glared at Erwin. “Do it.” He dared him. 

Without having to be told twice, Erwin pulled the trigger.

Eren felt a force knock into him, it sent his body back at least two feet before he hit the ground hard. It wasn’t until he landed on his back that the gunshot rang out.

Mind reeling and ears ringing, Eren gasped out for air. The feeling of warmth spread throughout his body as the edges of his vision blurred white. Everything hurt and Eren wondered if the sword had been more or less painful than the explosion that had just gone off inside his chest.

The world seemed to be slowing down around him, and Eren was sure that his brain was processing things ten seconds after they actually happened.

He looked to see Mikasa and Armin hovering over them, their faces pained as they screamed words he couldn’t understand. Eren wanted to reach out to them, but his muscles were locked in that position.

The last thing he remembered was seeing Levi lying next to them, their fingertips nearly touching..


	5. New beginnings

EREN POV

Eren jerked awake, gasping for air as though he were drowning. Almost frantically, he forced himself into an upright position and began banging a fist against his chest as if scolding his lungs to cooperate. It may have taken a couple beats, but his body eventually started functioning properly again. Eren gratefully sucked in a deep inhale of air, and the panic that had swelled within him started to dissipate. 

Despite being able to breathe steadily now, his mind was still not at ease. Thoughts of bloodied hands, sharpened swords, and shrill screams taunted him. The authenticity of it all was sending Eren into a tailspin of confusion that had him continually checking his surroundings to remind himself of reality. 

His eyes flickered around the apartment, and from what he could see, all seemed to be normal. 

He only wished it felt that way too, but the same dream had been a recurring problem for months now. Eren would have thought he’d grown used to it, but even after having relived the same experience several times, there was always a fleeting temptation within him to glance down and check for a bullet wound.

Rolling to his left, Eren reached for his cell and checked the time. Nine o’clock. He groaned in response, realizing what he had intended to be a ten minute nap had stretched into three hours. On a school night, he might have tried falling back asleep, but it was the weekend. Plus, a drink was in order after waking up from that nightmare. 

Eren stood and began digging through the piles of clothes strewn about the floor. He eventually came across his sneakers which were outdated to say the least. The soles were falling apart and the laces were splitting at the ends, but Eren couldn’t afford a better pair. After having slipped them on, he began walking towards the door which he got halfway to before realizing he was still bare chested. 

“Fuck.” He cursed under his breath, running a hand through his bed head. Why did no shoes, no shirt, no service policies exist anyway? Hell, if there are nude beaches then grabbing a beer shirtless shouldn’t be an issue.

Besides, there had been multiple accounts in which Eren had witnessed scantily clad women stumbling into Bart’s Bar. Eren would always wait to see if the women would be kicked into the street on their barely covered asses, but Bart had never once denied pouring a drink for such a lady. Especially the kind of lady who wore her shirts a little too low and her skirts a little too high. 

It was these types of women that were an exception to the rules, and it made Eren jealous. As if to prove a point, he nearly considered strutting out the front door without another thought, but he knew that Bart would have no mercy for him in the end. So, he snatched up the first shirt he could find, gave it a quick sniff and pulled it over his head. 

Eren may not have lived in the most enviable part of town, but his apartment was across the street from a cheap bar which felt like a bragging right to him.   
As he pushed open the glass door and stepped into the cold atmosphere, he felt a weight lift off his shoulders. 

“I was wonderin’ when I’d see you.” Bart’s gravelly voice came from behind the bar where he was cleaning a glass. The heavy set, balding man leaned forward on the counter. “What can I do ya for?” 

“The usual.” Eren answered, taking a seat at the bar. 

“Shot of tequila comin’ up.” 

Glancing around, the place was relatively empty for a Friday night. Only one other man was there, a middle aged man having- what Eren assumed- was a mid life crisis considering the blank stare he was giving the empty bottle in his hands. 

“Here ya are.” Bart set a shot glass of tequila on the counter.

Eren wrapped a hand around it, “Thanks.” He tossed his head back and let the bitter drink slide down his throat with ease.

“Can I get another?” He asked Bart whom quickly complied.

After having downed that one as well, Eren felt his muscles relax a bit more as the thoughts that were plaguing him before slipped away. As some of the tension left his body, he turned his attention to the flat screen hanging on the wall. There was a live soccer match between two teams Eren didn’t recognize though that didn’t mean much since he had never been a fan of watching sports. Even so, keeping his eyes on the screen gave the appearance that he was busy which he’d use as an excuse to skip any small talk that Bart may try to indulge in. Hopefully, it would also ward off the guest who just entered. 

“Whiskey.” The customer ordered as he took a seat two stools away from Eren.

The initial sideways glance Eren gave had been due to mild curiosity, but after laying eyes on a man like that-it was impossible not to sneak another peek. He tried not to show any form of interest when doing so, but failed miserably. Eren’s eyes widened and jaw dropped at the short statured stranger who was...well, there’s no other way to put this- excessively good looking. Wearing skinny jeans and a tight fitting v-neck, the man wasn’t leaving much to the imagination. His curves and lean muscle were easily visible through the fabric and Eren had to wonder what this guy did for a living. Perhaps he was a model? No, he looked too sophisticated. 

The way this stranger carried himself was that of a businessman, his prideful posture demanded respect. It was a little intimidating though Eren would never admit so aloud. The longer he stared, the more Eren felt a touch of fear? Or was that arousal? He wasn’t entirely sure. All he knew was this man carried a coolness that sent chills down Eren’s spine. It wasn’t simply that though, this stranger was also strikingly familiar in an inexplicable way that jarred Eren to his core.

‘Where have I seen this guy before?’ 

“What’re you looking at, kid?” 

Eren nearly choked on his drink in surprise as he realized the man was staring right back at him. “Kid?” He scoffed after gathering his bearings. “I’m older than you.”

Those icy blue eyes glanced Eren over from head to toe, and suddenly Eren was extremely self conscious. “Is that something you’re willing to bet on?” The man asked. 

Eren puffed out his chest as if to make himself appear manlier. “Why not?”

He watched as the corners of the man’s mouth twitched upwards into an awkward half smile, “How about this...you guess my age. If you guess correctly then I’ll buy you a beer. On the other hand, you have to buy and take a shot each time you guess wrong.”

Eren flicked his brows upwards challengingly, “Deal.”

It didn’t take long for Eren to regret his decision. Four wrong guesses and tequila shots in, he could hardly see or even think straight.

“I won’t..won’t get it wrong this time. Watch me.” Eren leaned closer, nearly toppling out of his chair as he examined the man’s face. He tried to estimate an age, but no numbers came to mind. 

“Don’t strain yourself.” 

“Twenty?” Eren guessed.

The dark haired stranger handed him another shot, “Your math teacher must have hated you.”

Eren downed the glass, glowering as he did so. “Your mom must have hated you.” He shot back, mentally high fiving himself for a comeback that he’d hate himself later for.

“Twenty-five.”

“Huh?”

“Are you always this stupid or just a lightweight? I’m twenty five.” The man explained, shaking his head at Eren.

“Really? But you’re so sho-“

If Eren thought that face was intimidating before, the glare he was currently receiving proved it could get worse. The part of him that wanted to live knew that if he didn’t fix this then he’d see a whole new world of horror.

“...Soft?” Eren finished, hoping he had managed to save himself at the last second.

“Soft?”

“Your skin..” Eren wracked his brain for something to get out of this. Even though this guy was short, Eren was almost positive that he could kick ass. “Your skin is so soft.” 

‘Nailed it.’ Eren grinned.

“I know what you were going to say,“ The twenty-five year old began, “And for the record, I carry my length where it counts.”

Suddenly, Eren’s face felt warmer than before as he blushed at the idea. Gulping, he fought to keep a calm exterior. “I bet mine is bigger.” 

Eren regretted the words as soon as they left his lips. He hated it, but the drunk version of himself was far more competitive than his sober self...and that’s saying something.

“You already lost one bet tonight. Don’t push for two.” The man warned as he stood.

“It’s gettin’ late, kiddo. Why don’t ya go back home?” Bart suggested, a mixture of amusement and concern in his voice.

“Where does he live?” The self proclaimed ‘lengthy’ guy asked.

“Just ‘cross the street.” Bart answered.

“Come on then.” Eren felt an arm wrap around his middle. “I’ll walk you home.”

“I can walk myself.” Eren insisted, not taking into account how dizzy he actually was or the shakiness of his legs.

The man obliged though and released Eren who took two steps forward before falling flat on his face with a grunt. Sharp pain shot through his nose and all the way to the top of his head. “Ouch…”

“Any other stupid ideas?” Eren heard a snicker and reluctantly allowed himself to be pulled onto his feet once more.

Together, they walked outside where it had just begun to drizzle. It took longer than it should have to cross the street, but Eren had never been the most cooperative drunk. 

“Which floor?” The man asked after having coaxed Eren into the building and onto the elevator.

“Three.” Eren held up two fingers.

Riding the elevator, Eren could feel the drinks sloshing around inside his stomach. The second the doors opened, Eren shot out of them. He couldn’t stand another moment on that hell ride-not without barfing at least. 

He glanced around, the hallway tilting at odd angles which certainly didn’t help the nausea. “There.” Eren pointed at his door as he staggered towards it.

Quiet footsteps followed behind him, and into the apartment.

“Tch...Disgusting.” The man wrinkled his nose as he helped Eren not trip over the clothes littering the floor.

After navigating through the treacherous mess that was his apartment, Eren was able to collapse onto his bed. Lying down, he suddenly remembered the dream he had earlier.

What was it about? Who was in it?

Oh, right.

“Levi…” Eren murmured, only half conscious. He could feel himself slipping into slumber, visions of his previous dream swimming behind his closed eyes.

“How do you know my name?” He heard the man ask, but before Eren could even answer- he had succumbed to the darkness.


	6. No coincidences

EREN POV

Eren felt like he had been dragged under a semi the night before. His head throbbed and his entire body ached, the smallest of movements caused his muscles to groan. Worse than that though was the agonizingly bright light pouring in through the window and was burning Eren’s eyes. Burying his face into the pillow, he wanted nothing more than to shut the curtains and sleep for a couple weeks. 

After half an hour of wondering if it was possible to self induce a coma and debating if he should learn how to, Eren reluctantly forced himself to get up, only to immediately regret it. He rolled out of bed, literally, and crashed onto the floor with a thud.

"Shit." He cursed, rubbing the back of his head which had hit a pile of school books that were stacked at his bedside. The short pulsing pain in his temples he felt before had suddenly become a full-on headache. Eren was tempted to pop an aspirin and crawl back into bed, but dragged himself into the shower instead. He hoped the cold water would ease his hangover or at the very least, rid him of the alcohol stench seeping through his pores. 

Much to his relief, a bit of soap and water worked miracles in the smell department. Unfortunately, the shower didn't minimise the hangover side effects as he would have liked and neither did the black coffee he had poured himself. He did note, however, that his head no longer felt as if it was going to split in two so he figured that was an improvement. 

With a slice of toast in one hand and a second cup of coffee in the other, Eren hurried out the door and into the elevator. Though he certainly didn't look like a runway model in his crinkled tee shirt and a pair of jeans he had already worn a couple times that week, he had never been one to dress up. Perhaps he would have put in some effort if he didn’t feel like a bag of horse shit, but he doubted the recruiter he’d be meeting would be focused on Eren’s attire.

Nearly an hour late to the meeting, Eren finally arrived at the coffee shop they had agreed upon through text. He had been to it a couple times before, but hadn't had the pleasure to visit in a while since purchasing a cup of coffee was a luxury he couldn't currently afford. It was truly a depressing fact that a cup of coffee in a cafe cost more than a bag of it at the store. 

It didn't take him more than a minute or so before he noticed a man in an army uniform sitting in the far left corner of the shop. Hastily, Eren shook the the crumbs from his shirt and smoothed his hair which hadn't been brushed. 

Lifting his chest high, he strutted towards the recruiter hoping to make a good first impression, "Sorry I'm late! My name is Eren and you must be..." He trailed off, his eyes widening as he recognized the recruiter. Though he certainly looked different in an army uniform, the smug expression on his face was unmistakable. 

The man from the bar last night didn't seem as if he was surprised or phased to see Eren, "You're late." He stated, eyeing Eren with an expression of annoyance.

"I-I know...I'm sorry." Eren stuttered, taking a seat across from him. "You're the guy from the bar." He observed.

The recruiter folded his arms and raised a single eyebrow as he continued to study Eren. “No shit, Sherlock." 

"I'm just surprised to -uh- see you here." He cleared his throat.

"Surprised?" The man leaned forward.

"I just..." Eren hesitated, debating whether or not he should be honest. He decided that it was best he told the truth. “I didn’t peg you for the army type." 

The man's face darkened slightly as if he was offended, but the expression quickly changed into one of impassiveness. "You don’t exactly fit the description either.” 

Eren winced at the hurtful statement, but tried not to dwell on it. If this guy was unconvinced of Eren’s worthiness to be a soldier then he just needed to be proven wrong.

“What did you think I did for a living then?” The dark haired male asked.

"Maybe a businessman or...or a hooker?" Eren murmured sheepishly.

“A hooker, huh?”

By the glint in the recruiter’s eyes, Eren figured it in his best interest to change the subject. "What uh-what happened last night?" He asked, taking a seat across from the man.

This brought a smirk to the man's lips, "Don't worry about it, kid. I got paid and you got laid."

The initial shock of the statement sent Eren’s heart into a gymnastics routine, flipping and fluttering at an uneven pace. He may be hungover as hell, but he couldn’t have been drunk enough to hook up with someone then not remember it. After all, it would have been his first time.

"I'm joking." The man assured him and Eren breathed out a sigh of relief, but it wasn’t long before that brief relief transformed into anger.

"What the hell was that for?" He snapped.

The man continued to smirk. "That was just payback for calling me a hooker." He leaned back in his chair.

Eren sighed, rolling his eyes. How could this immature asshole be allowed in the army? “Fuck you." He cursed under his breath, but loud enough for the man to hear.

"You wish." He heard the reply. Was this guy for real? 

Eren glanced at him to check if he was joking again, but found it nearly impossible to read the man's expression. He wondered if this impenetrable mask was one he wore in front of everyone.

"I don't even know your name."

“That’s odd. It seemed like you did last night." The man said and Eren cocked his head to the side in confusion.

“Come on, it’s not funny anymore.” Eren figured it to be another sex joke.

“I didn’t think it was funny either. Kind of creepy, to be honest.”

Wait. He looks serious..more so than usual.

"What are you talking about?” Eren pressed.

The man rolled his eyes. "I don’t expect you to remember considering the state you were in, but you said my name last night before passing out.” He explained and Eren felt all the color drain from his face.

"Levi..." Eren whispered as images began flashing through his mind. Bits and pieces of memories-No, dreams-that he had tried to forget, but were all coming back now.   
Balling his hands into fists, he tried to clear his mind and keep a straight face. He didn’t want to have Levi suspect that anything was wrong because nothing was...Except the possibility that Eren was going crazy.

“That’s right.” Levi watched him closely, his eyes narrowing. “Care to explain how you knew that? I don’t recall sending you any personal information through text when we agreed to meet here today and I’m guessing you’ve never seen a picture of me before.” 

Eren was at a loss for words, he fought to come up with an excuse or explanation as Levi continued.

“Yet you still knew my name. Did you know who I was at the bar? If that’s the case then quite frankly, it looks bad. Not only does it make you seem like a stalker, but an irresponsible one. The day before your interview, you get shitfaced in front of an army recruit. That’s terrible judgement, you know.”

As Levi stopped speaking, Eren still hadn’t come up with anything. He had prepared answers for interview questions, not this bull crap. “Uh..I-uh..”

“Should I add illiterate to that list? Or did you grab another couple shots before coming here?” 

“No!” Eren shouted, earning him several glares. “No.” He repeated in a more hushed tone.

“You always yell at authority figures?” 

Eren sighed, running a hand through his hair and pulling on it as if trying to force out an answer that could fix this. “Fuck. Can you shut up and listen for a second?”  
Probably not the best choice of words. Eren flinched when seeing Levi’s irritation.

“I just meant, I’m not a stalker, okay? I want to join the army, that’s all.” That was the truth. “I researched recruiters in my area and found you. There was a picture on the army website or whatever.” There’s the lie, but it was better than rambling about how he had dreamed of Levi before they officially met. That would not have helped his case. 

“My picture isn’t on the official website.” 

‘Dammit.’

“It’s on the facebook one though.” Eren recovered quickly.

“People still use that garbage?” Levi questioned.

‘Bingo’, Eren smiled. “I guess so.” 

Levi sighed, waving a wary hand. "Oh well. We’re not here to talk about the failures of modern society. We're here to talk about you." 

Eren nodded calmly though he was throwing a mental for getting out of that trap. 

Grabbing his bag, Levi pulled a folder from it. He flipped through the pages for a second before stopping. "What's this?" Levi shoved a paper in front of Eren's face which he recognized as his personnel file.

"Um...my file?" 

"I know that. What's this shit?" He pointed at Eren's age.

"My age?"

"I can see that. How did you get into a bar if you're only eighteen?" Levi asked.

Eren finally understood. "Oh.”

“You got a fake I.D.?” 

“I was going to get rid of it.” Eren swore, which he meant. He had planned to toss it... after his twenty first birthday.

Taking back the file, Levi stared at it. "Could that fake ID make you go through puberty? That'd be a real wonder."

Eren blinked. “Who are you to talk anyway? You can't even see over the bar counter." He shot back.

"I'm only a couple inches shorter than you, Jaeger." Levi countered before changing the subject. "Why do you want to join the military?" He asked.

Eren didn't have to think to answer that. "Because I want to fight." He answered gaining a slightly confused look from Levi who seemed disappointed with the answer.

"Because you want to fight?" Levi repeated, "What do you think the army is? A fucking wrestling match?”

Eren was taken aback by the expletive though he wasn't sure why. Levi had never minded his language before so why should he now?

"No." He blurted and ran a hand through his already messy hair. "I want-I need to fight." He lowered his eyes to the floor. “What else do I have to live for?"

Levi was watching Eren still seemingly unimpressed with his response. "You sound like you're joining the army because you got a death wish. I can't recruit anyone who's already fucked up mentally." 

Eren shook his head. "I just want my life to mean something." He explained giving a shrug of his shoulders. He hoped his answer didn't sound lame, but it was the only one he had. What he didn't say was that he didn't just want his life to mean something, he needed it to.

Years of being passed around from one family to another had sparked a flame of unquenchable desire within Eren to find a place that he could belong, or at least a reason as to why he was here. There had to be more to his life than waking up to eat soggy oatmeal, going to school, only to return to an empty apartment. 

His response must not have been too lame though because it seemed to have satisfied Levi enough as he pressed on. "Why does the military need you?"

I need it more than it needs me, he thought. Eren raised his head and locked eyes with Levi. “Because I'm not afraid." He said.

Levi's eyes narrowed. "You say that now, kid. This isn't a video game though and you can't regenerate if you die which the possibility of is fairly high."

Eren already knew this though. "I'd rather die fighting than live without trying." He said watching Levi and wondering what he was thinking behind that unreadable mask.

"Stop staring at me like that, kid. It's creepy." He said before continuing, "What branch of the military are you interested in?"

"Uh...Army. Active duty." Eren answered.

Levi nodded slightly. "You got any medical history I should know about?"

"I-uh...I don't know." He admitted.

Levi stared at him, "What do you mean you don't know?"

"I never knew my parents." Eren cleared his throat, "I grew up in the system."

This seemed to surprise Levi whose impassive expression broke momentarily as he looked at Eren with a bit of pity. "You ever consider hurting yourself?” 

“What?”

“Harming yourself. Like I said, can’t recruit if you have a history of mental issues.” Levi clarified.

“No.” 

"Good. Listen, I’ll be honest with you, this wasn’t the most impressive interview.” Levi paused. “But you seem like you have the heart for this stuff. You’ve got big ambitions so let’s keep it that way. Come take your ASVAB in two days.”

“No problem!” Eren blinked in surprise at the turn around. 

“You’ll need your I.D. , and for the love of holy mary, bring the real one.” Levi stood, brushing off his clothes. “Shred the fake one too.”

As Levi disappeared from sight, Eren's heart sank into his stomach which continued to churn as wildly as his mind did. Each thought that circled throughout his head in a whirlwind of confusion could all be traced back to a single person. This continued for days, his thoughts always trailing back to one person. 

It was like Levi had become some sort of parasite in Eren's brain…

 

~ ~ ~ 

 

Testing day approached quicker than Eren had anticipated. 

Standing in front of the mirror, he got dressed and spritzed on some cologne. Even though he was simply sitting down to take the ASVAB, Eren wanted to be presentable especially considering the less than appropriate appearance he had upon his first meeting with a recruiter. Eren sighed spraying himself some more with the scent before walking out the door. 

Using the little money he had, he grabbed a cab to the recruitment station thirteen blocks away. Thank goodness traffic was light, he actually made it on time. Walking through the double glass doors, he let his eyes wander. 

He knew it was stupid and he hated it, but he couldn't stop his heart from skipping a beat when he noticed the shorter man standing near the counter. His clean dark undercut and-

"What the hell?" Levi's voice drew Eren out of his thoughts. "You smell like a baby prostitute." He clamped his nose and glaring at Eren who balled his fists.

"At least I don't look like one." He retorted trying not to look embarrassed by Levi's comment.

Levi coughed. “What did you do? Soak in a bath of axe?"

Eren folded his arms across his chest and huffed slightly. "No." He thought long and hard about some sort of comeback, but came up blank.

Levi rolled his eyes. “Show them your I.D.. Tch, only fifteen-year-olds wear that much cologne."

Eren grit his teeth feeling his face grow hot. “And only fifty-year-olds like you seem to care."

This made Levi smirk. "Your comebacks are about as bad as whatever cheap shit you sprayed." He turned to the man behind the desk. "This kid is here to take his ASVAB."

Eren shuffled his feet awkwardly as he tried not to feel offended by what Levi had said. As inconspicuous as possible, he sniffed himself and coughed a little. Yeah...he may have applied a little too much.

Levi glanced over his shoulder at Eren. "Come on." He led Eren down a hallway and into a room where there were close to a dozen computers. Two or three on each table, and a supervisor sitting at the front of the room. All of the desks were empty so Eren had his pick of where he wanted to sit. He plopped down in the closest chair and looked at Levi for instructions.

"You know how to turn on a computer, right?" Levi prompted, gesturing to it.

Eren reached forward, turning it on. The screen flashed white as big letters spelling out, ‘ASVAB’ appeared across it.

"Go ahead and press start." Levi instructed, "It should take you three hours." 

Eren focused his attention on the computer screen and pressed start. It did take him three hours and by the end of it, Eren felt like he needed a nap. The supervisor who had been quiet before spoke up once Eren finished, "Your recruiter will talk to you about your results soon. Have a nice day.” The woman drawled on in a bored tone.

"Uh, thanks." Eren stood walking out of the room to find Levi was still there. He was talking to the man at the front desk again.

"I'm done." Eren announced.

Levi didn't seem to hear him though as he continued his conversation.

"I'm done." He repeated.

That seemed to finally get Levi's attention. "What do you want me to say, kid? Congratulations?"

Eren blinked taken aback though he wasn't sure why he was still surprised by the man's bluntness. Levi returned to his previous conversation and Eren assumed that was his way of saying goodbye.

Eren left the station nervous about receiving his results, but feeling even more disappointed that he hadn't had any time to talk with Levi. Despite the mixed emotions, the one thing he was certain of was that he wanted to lay down and sleep. His nerves wouldn't allow that though so he impatiently waited so he watched television while occasionally glancing at his phone which finally rang after what felt like an eternity.

"Hello?" He answered on the first ring.

Levi's voice came through the speaker, "Congrats, kid. You passed."

Eren's eyes widened. "I-I passed?!"

"Yeah and with a score of ninety-one. You’re not as dumb as you look.” 

Eren jumped up from the couch allowing the TV remote to fall from his lap as he a ran a shaky hand through his hair. His heart was beating wildly and he couldn't stop the smile that quickly spread across his face. Even when his cheeks began to hurt, he couldn't stop smiling.

"Thank you for telling me." He said keeping his voice controlled though he knew he'd be screaming and jumping around like a maniac the moment the called ended.

There was a brief silence before Levi spoke again. "Okay, I'm going to hang up now."

Eren was tempted to protest not wanting Levi to leave. He had nobody to celebrate his accomplishment with and he didn't want to do so alone. Plus, this could be his chance to get to know Levi and possibly find out more about the dreams.

"Do you want to grab drinks?" Eren asked without thinking.

There was another silence. It was longer this time.

"Your tolerance is a joke, kid. I'm not about to drag your drunk ass home again. Besides, you’re underage.”

Eren scrambled for some sort of argument, "I won't get drunk!" He blurted. “And plus, my I.D. says I’m twenty two.” 

“Your fake I.D.” Levi reminded him.

“Right…You can either come with me or I’ll go by myself. I just figured we could both use a drink.” 

He heard Levi sigh which was followed by another silence before he gave in. "If you get shitfaced again, I'm leaving you at the bar. And trust me, Bart won't watch you all night to make sure you don't choke on your own vomit."

Eren's smile grew. “Yeah, of course not." He said not letting the goofy grin on his face show through his tone which he struggled to keep normal.

"Alright...I'll meet you there at eight." Levi said before the line clicked and the call ended.


	7. Dirty dancing

EREN POV 

Eren peered into the closet, hunched over with his hands on his knees as he weighed the options. Though a majority of his clothes were scattered in half folded piles on the floor, he kept his fancier wear hung up. There were only a few items among the cobwebs: four button downs, a pair of khakis, and two pairs of the nicer jeans he owned. Looking at each shirt, Eren could recall the days in court that he wore every one. Having grown up a foster kid, court dates came more often than play dates did. 

Any other day, he wouldn’t have changed to get a drink. However, he hoped that a new outfit would diminish the pungent scent of his cologne which Levi had so blatantly expressed distaste for earlier. Eren had considered simply changing into another tee, but he had decided this was a celebratory occasion. One worth the extra effort. 

There may also exist a miniscule part of him that wanted to show Levi how well he could clean up. Eren planned to use this night as an opportunity to make a better impression than he had so far. Their previous encounters weren't the kind he had wanted since he had been drunk the first time and hungover the next. Neither of which were very impressionable or professional. 

Eventually, Eren settled upon a navy blue button-down paired with dark jeans, and the only dress shoes he owned which were a hickory brown. The pants were tighter than he remembered, but that was to be expected since they had been buried away for at least a year.

Standing in front of the mirror, Eren brushed the tangles from his hair whilst admiring his appearance. 

‘Not bad’, he thought to himself with a smile. 

It was then that he heard his phone ring in the other room, and rushed to grab it. "Hello?" Eren answered.

“I’m taking you to another bar tonight.” Levi’s voice came from the other side.

Another bar besides Bart’s? There weren’t too many nearby since he lived downtown which meant that Levi would be taking them closer to the city. What was he planning? 

“Where?" Eren asked. 

"You'll see." Levi said.

"But-"

"I'll pick you up." Levi cut him off before ending the call.

Eren tossed his phone on the couch before flopping down beside it. He waited for it to ring again, but after several minutes had passed, his mind began to drift. He would finally be able to spend alone time with Levi that didn’t involve work, it would be the perfect time to ask questions. Eren needed to know more about him because he had a sneaking suspicion that Levi was the key to deciphering these dreams. 

After all, Levi was typically the centre of them. 

But where was he supposed to begin? No way in hell would he start by telling the truth. Doing that would only scare off the subject, and probably his chances at actually being accepted into the army. Eren would be classified as a nut job if he was honest. 

The buzzing of his phone interrupted his thoughts. Picking it up, there was a text from Levi announcing his arrival. 

Not wanting to keep him waiting, Eren hopped up from the bed. 

"Where are we going?" Eren asked, trying to ease the awkwardness that filled the car. 

"It's called The Closet.” Levi answered.

“What kind of bar would choose that name?”

“A gay one.” 

Eren guffawed, but he was the only one to do so. Side glancing at Levi, he suddenly figured out that may not have been a joke. With the blank expression the driver wore though, it was impossible to know for sure. 

The drive there was a quiet one as Levi focused on the road. Eren squirmed uncomfortably at the silence and tried to fill it by making small talk which fell flat.

“So, where did you grow up?”

“Here.” Levi answered.

“Oh. Do you have any siblings?”

“No.”

Each response was given promptly and with little details. Eventually, Eren gave up on gathering any more information. It was obvious Levi didn’t wish to give any.  
When they finally arrived at a packed parking lot, Eren couldn’t be more relieved. 

Levi climbed out of the car and Eren followed. On the outside, it had appeared to be like any other bar. Sure, it was a tad larger than good ol' Bart's place, but it didn't seem to have any sort of distinguishable differences which made Eren wonder why Levi had been so determined to come here. The only thing that seemed to be slightly out of the ordinary was the lack of windows, but the reason as to why this had been a conscious architectural choice became evident once they stepped inside.

There were strippers. Mostly men though there were a couple females, dancing on poles that were raised on stages for everyone to see. And there was certainly a lot to see...

Eren's face flushed bright red and he quickly ducked his head down. Levi laughed noticing his discomfort. 

"What? You've never been to a strip club?"

Eren shook his head as he kept his eyes lowered, pretending like he had suddenly become very interested in the floor. He could feel the warmth radiating from the swarm of people around them, and the smell of sweat that lingered in the air was thick enough that he could almost taste it. The pulsing beat of the music thrummed through the soles of his shoes. 

How did they end up here and why? This is not how Eren had expected this night to go. 

Levi chuckled as he wandered off, Eren scampered after him like a scared puppy. “Two whiskeys, on the rocks.” Levi ordered as they approached the bar.

He handed one to Eren. "You know you can look, right? Watching is what you’re supposed to do."

Hearing this, Eren realized he must have looked pretty foolish staring at the ground. Besides, what was he scared of? Slowly, he raised his head and fully examined his surroundings.

They stood at the bar which was positioned near the back of the room, a black marble countertop that stretched several feet. Two bartenders stood behind it, perfectly poised with welcoming expressions as they seemingly floated from person to person and served their drinks at a steady pace. It was strange to see staff acting so proper at a bar, but it was refreshing. They were clean, but gave a laid back vibe that didn’t contradict the atmosphere. 

Next to the bar, there was a dance floor with a disco theme. Not many occupied it, but there were a few drunken stragglers making complete fools of themselves. They jumped around with their half empty beer bottles, sloshing liquid onto the neon checkered dance floor beneath them. 

The main attraction was the lounge area which consisted of couches, coffee tables, and chairs. All of which were directed towards three stages. The middle was the largest and shaped similar to a pear. The stages on either side were circular and each were occupied by a metal bar that touched from floor to ceiling.

On those bars would be a dancing body that was swirling and twirling around it like a ballerina except these people were wearing thongs instead of leotards. A girl with luscious dark brown hair that cascaded down her back in loose curls seemed to be a favorite since she was captivating several audience member's eyes to center stage.

Grabbing the pole, she lowered herself to the floor before slinking back up it. All the while, rotating her hips in a hypnotic motion. On each side of her, occupying the smaller stages were men each of whom were also scantily clad in black thongs. They were both well built with short haircuts and bright smiles. Eren focused on one of the men, a sandy haired blonde, whose hips were moving like he was in a Shakira music video.

Eren cocked his head to the side as he watched the tantalizing movements of the man's hips, and wondered how it was even possible for someone to maneuver like that. If Eren tried then he'd probably look like a three-year-old hula hooping for the first time and that was far from sexy.

"Well, that answers my question." Levi said, staring at Eren's pants.

Eren followed Levi's gaze to see that his pants had extended slightly to make room for his growing boner. 

His own eyes widened slightly and he immediately attempted to cover it up. What?"

"Nothing, kid." Levi snorted as he sipped his drink then turned his attention to the male dancers.

Eren watched him for a moment, noticing how his eyes never once glanced at the girl as if she didn't even exist. "Are you...?"

Levi looked at him raising a singular eyebrow. "Gay? Yeah." He smirked slightly as he watched Eren's reaction. "Just like everyone else in this bar." He said, gesturing.

"What?"

"This is a gay bar, Jaeger. Did you think I was joking earlier?" Levi stared at him. "You don't let anything get past you, huh?" He smirked, giving a small shake of his head.

Eren glanced around. "But I'm not gay." He said which could have been considered a lie though it could also be the truth. Honestly, Eren had never put much thought into his sexuality. 

"The lump in your pants would disagree." Levi took another sip.

Eren felt his heart thudding in his chest. "Listen, I wouldn't know." He mumbled, avoiding eye contact.

"What do you mean?" Levi asked.

"I mean, I wouldn't know." Eren shuffled his feet awkwardly as he downed his drink quickly.

"What? You've never been with anyone?" Levi sounded shocked.

Eren shook his head again as he wrapped his hands around a second ice cold beer, and drank it rapidly. Was this was an appropriate conversation to have with someone who was basically his boss? 

Levi eyed Eren for a moment before speaking again. “I'll be back." He placed his half-empty glass on the bar counter before walking towards the three stages. He approached the one on the far left, the one Eren had been watching before, and casually slipped cash into the male’s thong.

The dancer must have recognized Levi because he leapt off the stage and greeted him like an old friend. Eren watched the two of them talking for a moment then quickly turned away when he realized they were coming towards him.

Levi put a hand on his shoulder. "Hey, kid."

Eren pursed his lips mentally cursing before he slowly turned around to see Levi and a nearly naked man in front of him.

"I paid for you. So don't ever say that I never did you any favors." Levi shoved Eren towards the man.

Eren blinked. "Wha-what?" He stuttered, not understanding.

The male leaned down so that he and Eren were roughly the same height. "Don't worry, I'll take good care of you." His full lips curved into a seductive smirk as he winked at 

Eren's face grew hot again and he felt his boneor involuntarily twitch against the fabric of his pants. He wasn't sure about this considering he had no experience whatsoever, and he had certainly never imagined that his first one would be with a guy!

He looked at Levi who was leaning against the bar. His eyes were narrowed slightly and he had a certain expression on his face that Eren had never seen before. "Luke." He addressed the stripper. "Remember what I said."

Luke nodded before placing a gentle hand on the small of Eren's back and guiding him towards a chair into which he let Eren sit.

He began to walk circles around the seat before finally stopping somewhere behind Eren who was thoroughly confused and feeling a little uneasy. "What did Levi say?" He asked curiously.

He flinched slightly when feeling Luke's fingertips dance across his shoulders before moving down his chest. "He told me not to touch you too much." The lean man answered, stroking Eren's chest lightly before sliding his hands off him.

Luke strutted around until he came into Eren's view. Standing there, he began to rotate his hips in a circular motion as he flexed his abs just as he had before on stage.

"Levi said that?" Eren asked slightly surprised. 

Luke grinned as he changed the rotation motion to that similar of a snake. He rolled his body forward, starting from his shoulders and going down to his hips like a ripple effect. “He told me to take it easy on you since you still got your V card."

Eren buried his face in his hands with embarrassment. "He shouldn’t have told you that.” 

Luke moved towards Eren then turned slowly, lowering his ass until it was hovering centimeters above Eren's hard on.

“So, you’ve known Levi for a while?” 

Luke nodded, “Since we were in high school. Levi actually helped me come out to my family. He’s a good guy when he wants to be.”

“Yeah.” 

"You like him?" Luke asked.

"Levi's my friend, I think.." Eren glanced over his shoulder to see Levi leaning against the bar counter watching him and Luke.

Luke offered a wave to Levi before extending his hand which Eren took. Luke pulled him to his feet and clapped him on the back. "I gotta get back up there, but will you tell Levi thanks for the extra cash?” 

Eren nodded. “Sure. Can I just ask...how do you know him? Levi, I mean.” 

"Our parents were good friends. We grew up together, but this is the first time I’ve really seen him--" Luke paused before sighing, "since his dad died."

"His dad?" Eren's voice faltered. "I didn't realize..."

Luke smiled slightly as he placed a hand on Eren's shoulder. “No, you wouldn’t. He’s not one to talk about that sorta thing, and I get it. Who would, ya know? But I’m telling you because...I haven't seen him look this happy in a while and I think it's because of you." He nodded towards Levi who was resting one arm on the counter as he conversed with the bartender. He was smiling, a sight that Eren hadn't really seen. 

Eren turned to say something to Luke, but he was gone. He glanced back at Levi who was laughing now. Eren felt his lips tug upwards into a small smile as he watched the man's face completely transform. He was almost unrecognizable when he laughed and that was probably because it didn't happen very often.

The smile that had appeared on Eren's face slowly disappeared as he remembered what Luke had told him. After composing himself, Eren returned to the bar where he found Levi with a new drink in hand. He must have finished the other while Eren was getting his lap dance.

"So, what did you think?" Levi asked.

Eren shot him a short glare. "I think you're out of your mind."

"It took you this long to figure that out?" Levi laughed, and Eren realized that the sound was nothing like he had imagined it to be. 

"Yeah...Well, I'm crazy too." 

Levi arched an eyebrow as he stared at Eren over the top of his almost empty glass. "Tell me something I don't know."

"I liked it.”

"Hm?" Levi hummed as he finished his drink.

"The dance..." Eren clarified. "I liked it."

Levi nodded. "I've got news for you, Jaeger. I'm pretty sure you're gay."

Eren laughed with a shrug before ordering himself another drink along with a second for Levi.

"What's wrong?" Levi asked.

Eren shrugged. "It’s nothing. 

Levi wasn't buying it though. "You're the worst liar."

Eren tried not to look offended, but apparently failed.

"Your face is an open book." Levi said gesturing to him.

Eren sighed rubbing the back of his head. "Luke told me...about your dad." 

Levi suddenly became silent as he finished his drink in one big swig. After several severely awkward moments, he finally broke the tension, "Don't expect me to start crying or anything."

They watched the strippers in silence as they finished a couple more drinks. Eren had become accustomed to the bitter taste and was able to swallow without cringing as much. He glanced at Levi noticing how he was starting to sway a little or was that himself swaying? He wasn't sure, but he could feel the alcohol beginning to cloud his thoughts and vision.

Levi suddenly spoke. "You ready?"

"For what?"

"To get out of here." Levi replied.

Eren nodded. "We'll need a cab, right?"

"Yeah. Luke can drop off the car at my place later."

After talking things over with Luke, they both made their way outside into the chilly night. Despite it being the end of April, it didn't feel like Spring. The breeze was cool and every time it blew, Eren wished he had a jacket.

"Am I really an open book?" Eren asked, the question had been bugging him ever since Levi had made the comment.

Levi glanced at Eren for a moment. “Yeah...Yeah, you are." 

As Levi called for an uber, Eren sat on the curb. His vision was a bit blurred and fuzzy around the edges as he watched Levi. That man truly was attractive and even more so than any of the strippers they had seen tonight. Even with clothes on, Levi had a sharpness to his features that took Eren's breath away.

Wait. 

What the hell is he thinking? Levi is his superior. Maybe a hot one, but still. 

"What're you staring at, kid?"

Eren blinked and pulled himself out of the inappropriate thoughts, or he tried to. “You're just...I don't know. Nice to look at." Eren said without thinking.

An amused expression crossed Levi's face, "Shut up, Eren."

Hearing his name, hearing Levi say it for the first time, made a swarm of butterflies appear in Eren's stomach. It felt like they just exploded everywhere, and he couldn't get them to stop fluttering around throughout his belly then into his throat creating a lump that was almost impossible to swallow. 

‘Wait, those aren’t butterflies.’ He realized a second before luring forward and coughing up vomit onto the sidewalk. 

Levi grimaced and turned away disgusted. “Dammit, Jaeger...How drunk are you?"

Eren coughed again, wiping his mouth. "I don't feel that drunk."

Levi rolled his eyes shaking his head. "Dumbass." He murmured and straightened his jacket. "Just stay at my place, okay? But if you puke on my carpet or anywhere besides the toilet, you'll be cleaning it all."

~ ~

Pulling into a driveway, Eren wondered if they had taken a wrong turn. "This is your house?" He stared at the two-story structure. “No, it’s the soup kitchen I volunteer at.” Levi rolled his eyes. 

They got out of the car, and walked inside where they entered in through the kitchen which was large enough to be considered a living room. Eren ran a finger along the black marbled counter as he passed. “Do you cook?"

Levi glanced around the kitchen. "Yeah, but it’s been awhile since I've had to cook a dinner for more than one." He led Eren into the next room which was apparently the living room though it seemed far too big to be just that. Eren soon came to realize that the entire house gave a very open and spacious feel which made him a tad bit self-conscious about his shabby apartment.

Also unlike his own place, this house was exceptionally and impeccably clean. In fact, it didn't even feel like a home with how unnaturally spotless it was. 

"You can stay in the guest room." Levi led Eren into a light blue room contrary to every other room which was white. The room consisted of a queen sized bed that had a dark wood table beside it. The table was accompanied by a white shaded lamp to match the bedspread and an alarm clock that reminded Eren how late it actually was and he found himself suddenly feeling exhausted.

"You should probably get some sleep." Levi sighed. Why is it that I'm always the one to take you home drunk?”

Eren frowned. “It's only happened twice."

Levi rolled his eyes. "I doubt it will be the last time."

"Shuddup.” 

“Go to sleep, Eren."

He couldn't lie that the idea of sleep sounded inviting, but he also wanted to stay awake. If he did then he'd be able to talk to Levi and hopefully get to learn more about this mysterious man. The man of his dreams.

That sounded wrong....

NOT like that.

He didn’t know much about Levi, but he did know that there was something more to him. Once again, not in that way. There was something though. 

What was it?


	8. The morning after

EREN POV

Eyes fluttering open to unfamiliar surroundings, Eren was convinced he had been kidnapped until the memories of the previous evening gradually resurfaced. Being sober now, he couldn’t help feeling shocked that Levi had actually invited him to stay the night. This was an encouraging sign though, right? 

For Levi, the most private man Eren knew, to open his home to someone who was practically a stranger was certainly progress. It meant Eren was gaining trust, and if that was the case, then he would be able to seek more information about Levi. Hopefully, that knowledge would aid Eren in his quest to decipher the meaning behind his mysterious dreams.

Before he could begin any form of interrogation though, a shower was necessary. Even Eren could smell the reek of alcohol on his clothes which were also covered in dried vomit. He wasted no time in stripping himself of the dirty garments before wandering into the bathroom which he was grateful there happened to be one connected to the guest room.

Turning on the shower head and stepping underneath it, Eren allowed the hot water to wash over his body and relax his muscles. Some of which were tight and sore from how he had slept last night. After thoroughly washing his body twice over, he climbed out of the shower, feeling and smelling much better than he had before. It took him a moment, but Eren eventually found the towels and tied one around his waist. 

Eren bounced back into the other room where he was faced with a dilemma. The only pair of clothes he had were stained with puke. As he stood there in a serious debate of what to do, Levi walked in and stopped short at the sight of Eren’s dripping wet body.

“Jaeger!”

The sudden sharp voice caused Eren to jump, a soft yelp escaping his lips. His head whipped around towards the source and found Levi.

“You’re dripping water on my wooden floors.” Levi gestured to the ground.

Glancing down, Eren could see he was right. “I didn’t mean to.”

“Wipe it up once you get dressed.”

“Yeah, that’s the problem.” Eren winced in embarrassment, not wanting to explain the situation. 

“What?”

Instead of saying anything, he simply held up his clothes. 

Levi’s eyes trailed over them briefly. “Walk around in what you have then. That towel is an improvement from your regular wardrobe.” 

Eren subconsciously tugged the towel tighter around him.

“Calm down, kid. Not like I haven’t seen a naked man before.” Levi said, in what Eren assumed was supposed to be a reassuring tone.

Except, it didn’t make Eren feel any better. Somehow it only made him feel worse. More than that though, he was now curious too. How many guys had Levi seen naked? How many men had he slept with?

Eren wasn’t sure if he wanted to know, the mere thought was enough to make his blood boil even if he had no right to be jealous. Levi wasn’t his boyfriend, the man could hardly be considered a friend. Yet there was this sensation of familiarity with Levi, which Eren could only assume was because of the recurring dreams. Some of which were less tragic, and more erotic. Not all had ended in blood and tearshed. There were a few that had ended with Eren waking up and needing to wash his sheets.

None of it had been real though. It couldn’t have been. So, why did Eren feel so possessive of his not lover?

“I’m joking.” Levi said, noticing Eren’s uncomfortable expression. “Come on. You can borrow some of my clothes.” Levi left the room.

Eren rushed after him, still keeping a firm grasp on the towel. “Won’t yours be a little sma-”

Piercing blue eyes met him in a glance of warning causing the brunette to promptly shut up. He needed to make a mental note that mentioning Levi’s size was off limits unless he had a death wish. 

Following Levi, he was led into a red bedroom. The deep color caught Eren off guard, it was so vastly different from the rest of the house which was painted a powder white. A king bed with four corner posts acted as the focal point of the room. From the posts, a sheer canopy hung, enveloping the bed to give the illusion of privacy. 

To the left of the four poster, there was a bedside table. On the opposite side, closer to right corner of the room, there was a rather empty looking desk. The only thing occupying its service was a closed laptop and neatly stacked paperwork. 

Eren wasn’t so surprised that this area which he assumed was Levi’s bedroom proved to be spotless like everything else. However, the choice of paint was almost disturbing. 

“Red?” He asked.

“These should fit.” Levi handed him a pair of sweatpants along with a plain black shirt. Either he hadn’t heard the question or he was ignoring it, Eren assumed the latter. 

Taking the clothes, he cleared his throat. “Could you turn around?”

“Well, I wasn’t exactly expecting a strip tease.” Levi complied, looking away. 

Eren allowed the towel to drop to the floor before stepping into the grey sweats he had been given then putting on the shirt. Both were ill fitting as he had expected them to be. The pants were more like capris and the shirt hugged his body a bit too tight for comfort.

“Good enough.” Levi said as his eyes flitted over Eren. “Now, are you hungry?”

“Starving.”

Together, they went to the kitchen where a plate of scrambled eggs and toast was already waiting.

“You made this?” Eren asked as he sat down, his stomach growling at the sight of the steaming breakfast.

“Who else?” 

Snatching up the fork that had been resting next to the plate, Eren began shoveling the eggs into his mouth. They were fluffy, perfectly soft and bouncy. Much better than he could have made himself.

In all his excitement though, he missed his mouth at one point. Some of the food dropping to the floor. “Oh, shit. Sorry.” Eren mumbled through a mouth full.

Levi’s eyes narrowed at the sight, his hands fidgeting for a moment as his jaw clenched. 

For a split second, Eren stopped chewing as he watched the man’s face before him transform into one of frustration. He didn’t mean to have dropped any, it was an accident. His heart sped up slightly as another moment passed, and Levi had yet to make a move. 

Suddenly, the angered man stepped forward. Eren’s breath hitched as he did so, nearly choking on his food as he flinched away.

Levi shot him a confused look as he bent over, scraping the eggs up and then wiping down the surface with a wet rag.

That wasn’t at all what Eren had thought would happen. Levi’s face before made it seem as though Eren was about to be pummelled. 

Eren shifted awkwardly, knowing his defensive reaction was probably a little overdramatic in Levi’s eyes. 

“You really like to clean, huh?” Eren turned the attention away from himself.

Levi nodded. “I like my house to be tidy. Maybe you should learn a thing or to from me.”

Eren shrugged off the suggestion. “Are you not eating?” 

“Tea is all I need.” Levi answered, sipping from the mug he had grabbed upon first entering the kitchen.

A couple moments passed as Eren finished his meal in silence. Once he had filled his stomach, he leaned back in the chair. 

“Hey, Levi…”

Levi raised his head at the mention of his name, locking eyes with Eren.

“What’s the army like?” Eren had intended to ask this question in their meeting at the coffee shop, but had become too overwhelmed upon meeting the literal man of his dreams that he forgot any and everything else.

“Nothing like you’ve ever seen.” Levi answered, his eyes staring at the ground.

“But I will.” Eren piped in.

“You will.”

The thought of it, finally achieving his life goal to be a part of something bigger than himself felt surreal. Eren had waited his entire life for this and it was so close to being in his grasp. “I can’t wait.” He whispered.

“Can’t wait…?” Levi repeated, his gaze coming to rest on Eren.

“Yeah. Being in the army, you’re doing good. You’re defending people who can’t fight for themselves. It’s an honor.”

Levi’s nose crinkled, a humorless chuckle escaping his lips. “You may not feel so honorable when the soles of your feet are covered in blisters, when your hands are painted red, when the stink of shit fills your nose. Sure, you may be a hero. You’ll hardly ever feel like one though, and if you think you’ll be treated as one then you can forget it.”

Levi must have noticed the appalled expression Eren was giving because he arched an eyebrow. “What? Did you think going into battle was going to be beautiful? It’s war, Eren. It’s bloody. You’ll learn that for yourself soon enough and then you’ll wish you had stayed home.”

‘It almost sounds like you hate it.” Eren whispered.

“Of course, I do.”

Hearing this, it felt like Eren had been slapped across the face. The way Levi talked about the army, how his eyes glazed over...He really did hate it. He looked terrified of it and that scared Eren. What if he wasn’t strong enough? Wasn’t fit enough? What if he couldn’t handle it? What if he ended up hating the one thing he had always wanted?

If he hated it then what else did he have?

“Then why the hell did you join?” Eren snapped, his voice rising. The fear that was buried within him, revealing itself through anger. “Why haven’t you quit?”

“You don’t just quit the army, kid. When you sign that contract, you sign your life away. Or at least, a couple years of it. As for why I joined, I did it because that’s what you do when your dad dies, okay?” Levi’s tone was calm, nonchalant even. 

It was enough to catch Eren off guard and momentarily distract him. He had nearly forgotten about Levi losing his dad, and suddenly he realized how insensitive it had been of him to lash out due to his own insecurities.

Clearing his throat, Eren softened his voice. “What about your mom?”

“My mother respected my choices to leave.”

“Do you see her?” He pressed.

Levi shook his head. “Not often. Not since father died.”

“Why?”

This earned a long sigh from Levi. “You sure ask a lot of questions.”

“I’m curious.” Eren admitted.

“That’s obvious, but did it ever occur to you that it’s none of your business?”

Eren blinked, his mind drawing a blank. How was he supposed to respond to that? He hadn’t meant to pry, but..okay, yeah. He was totally prying. “I just thought-“

“What?” Levi grabbed the empty plate, putting it in the sink. “We’re colleagues, Eren.”

Colleagues. Eren kept forgetting that’s all they were. Between his dreams and reality, he often found himself confusing the two. In this world though, the real world, Levi was nothing more than his superior. 

“Right.” Eren nodded, his voice little above a murmur.

Levi turned on the faucet, scrubbing the plate in a dedicated fashion. He was determined to have it gleaming.

That’s when a cell phone began to ring.

The sudden sound caused Eren to flinch in his seat until realizing where the noise was aminating from. 

Reaching into his back pocket, Levi pulled out his android. “Hello?” 

Moments passed as Levi listened to the caller. Once he hung up, Eren leaned forward. 

“Who was that?”

Levi glanced at Eren. “Recruitment station. They signed you up for MEPS this weekend.” 

“Will you be there?” Eren secretly hoped for a yes.

“Unfortunately.” 

~ ~

Unfortunate was the last word Eren would use to describe his morning as he walked into the recruitment station on Friday. A backpack slung over his shoulder and a grin plastered on his face.

“Good morning.” He greeted Levi who was well groomed as usual.

“Is it?” Levi questioned, a cup of coffee in his hand. 

It wasn’t long before they along with a few other people climbed onto a bus which would take them to MEPS, and though Eren wasn’t entirely sure what MEPS was, he was excited. 

“Where’s MEPS anyway?” He asked, leaning forward in his chair to whisper in Levi’s ear who was sitting in front of him.

“Fucking hell. Don’t sneak up on people like that.” Levi cursed with a sigh. “It’s a couple hours from here.”

“What do they do?” 

“At MEPS?”

Eren nodded despite Levi not being able to see him.

“You’ll undergo a physical and mental examination. If you pass both then you’ll meet with an advisor who will help you decide your MOS.” Levi responded. 

“Which is my job, right?” Eren was starting to understand now. 

“Oh, so you did do some research. MOS stands for Military Occupational Specialty.” 

Eren’s eyes lit up and he tried to contain the excitement in his voice. “I can be whatever I want?”

Levi gave a short shake of his head, “You can be whatever your ASVAB score allows you to be.”

“What’s your MOS?” Eren wondered. 

“Infantry.” 

It sounded badass enough. “That’s what I want.” Eren decided.

Levi laughed, “If you want to be one of the first to die, go for it.” 

A small smirk tugged at the corners of Eren’s mouth, ‘Let’s do this.’

 

(No, Eren isn’t suicidal. He’s just an adrenaline junkie dumbass that wants to be cool)


	9. Not so different, after all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry for not having posted on Friday like I normally do, but I’ve been sick this weekend :( I’m feeling a bit better now. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this new chapter!

EREN POV 

Eren’s weekend did not proceed as he had mentally planned. Sure, he may not have been exactly prepared for MEPS and the specifics that entailed, but he had been up to the challenge. 

It started smoothly with a relatively relaxing ride to their destination, which was a lavish and clearly expensive hotel. At first, Eren had felt the beads of sweat accumulating on his forehead as he tried to estimate the price of the place, but Levi had reassured him that the army would be covering everything. 

Thank God for that. There was no conceivable chance that Eren could pay to stay in a hotel that had marble floors, crystal chandeliers, and golden railed staircases. Hell, he could barely afford cereal at the supermarket. 

This was practically a paid vacation though with complimentary breakfast, an indoor pool, and room service. Eren was beginning to recognize and relish the perks of joining the army.

He came find though that one of those perks did not include a single room, but his roommate seemed decent.

“Matt.” The gangly teen had grinned, dimples forming in his freckled cheeks. 

“Eren.” 

They shared a room together which turned out to be the perfect match considering their sleeping tendencies. Matt snored like a train, whereas Eren would wake screaming. Dynamic duo, right?

It had all been going great until the following morning when the real work began. There was certainly nothing like waking up to pee in a cup, and somehow it only proceeded to get worse. There were vision tests, hearing tests, and a physical, which to Eren’s horror, included a prostate exam.

Somehow Eren had continued to convince himself it would all be worth it, but he almost stopped believing so when it came to the second day. 

The mental health exam. 

Sure, having a doctor shove gloved fingers up his ass had been uncomfortable. At the time, Eren hadn’t thought it could go downhill from there until he had been forced to relive his childhood in the foster care system. As wrong as he knew it was at the time, Eren fibbed his way through a majority of that interrogation. 

However, as he stood before Levi in the swearing room, there was not a single ounce of regret in his body. He had qualified to join the army, to be a part of something bigger than himself. Eren had never been proud of himself, but today-he was proud. He only wished that his biological parents could see him now. Maybe if they could then they would regret having given him up, they would realize that their baby boy had grown into a man. A man who was swearing to protect his country.

That was a man he hoped they would be proud of. If only they could be there.

“Raise your right hand.” Levi commanded, and those who had passed MEPS followed suit.

Matt stood next to Eren, his hand raised high. In unison, they began to recite the oath. 

Everyone’s voice melded together, but Eren was certainly the loudest of the bunch. He could be heard over everyone else as he practically screamed, “I, Eren Jaeger, do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. So help me God.” 

‘I’ll make you proud.’ Eren swore though he wasn’t sure to whom, ‘Just wait and watch me.’

 

~ ~ ~

 

LEVI POV

Upon first having met Eren, it was clear that the boy had a lot of heart and passion for what he wanted. Whatever he wanted, Levi had no doubt that the kid would get it. The fire of determination burned too bright in his eyes for him not to, and it was impressive. 

Levi had never seen someone be so adamant about joining the army. It made his job a lot easier, that’s for sure. He didn’t need to persuade Eren one bit, and even when he admitted the downsides of the choice, the brunette’s eyes sparkled with that much more interest.

It was daunting, but even more so...it was absolutely fascinating. Levi was drawn to the expression of pure excitement that Eren often exhibited. It reminded him of when he was young and naive. 

He hadn’t seen that face in a while though. Not since Eren had sworn in and that was two weeks ago. As if the brat knew he was being thought about, Levi’s phone began to ring. 

"Hello?" He answered whilst simultaneously dipping the tea bag into the hot water he had just finished boiling.

"Hey, Levi."

Levi recognized the voice immediately.

"Eren." He addressed him.

“I graduate tomorrow so I can pick my MOS this week, and start Basic in a few weeks.” Eren’s voice was giddy at the mere thought of it all.

"Graduation?" Levi watched the tea mix with the water.

"Yeah, my high school graduation.” 

Levi paused, raising his head. “Will your foster parents be there?” 

“If you mean my old foster parents then no. Definitely not.” Eren trailed off.

There would be hundreds of people there, and none would be cheering for Eren. Another aspect about the kid that reminded Levi of himself. His own graduation had been rather empty when it came to people cheering his name.

His father had died before he completed high school, and his mother was so deep into a depression at the time that she wouldn’t budge from bed. Not even for her own son’s graduation. It had hurt at the time, not having any friends or family that cared to show up when he needed or wanted them to.

He wasn’t going to let the same thing happen to Eren, it would rip the spirit right out of that boy. “I’ll come.”

“What? Really? You don’t have to.”

“I want to.” Levi insisted.

Eren must have been beaming because Levi could hear the undeniable excitement in his voice. "It's tomorrow at my high school."

Levi smiled to himself. "Alright, kid."

"Oh...and Levi?" He paused, "Thanks."

Levi nodded as if Eren could see him. “I'll see you tomorrow." He said.

Hanging up, Levi sipped his tea letting the warmth spread throughout his body. He had never been to a graduation ceremony before, but there was a first for everything even if this was a first he never imagined having. 

What are friends for though? 

Is that what they were? Friends?

Superior and subordinate, yes.

Drinking buddies, sure.

Friends?

Levi didn't want to acknowledge that Eren was quickly becoming someone he cared for. If he admitted it to himself then that would only mean it was real, and it would become official that he cared for someone which was something he had supposedly given up doing a long time ago. 

There had been one time in which he allowed himself to open up after his father died. It was with his first and last squad, it was with those people that he found the family he had always wanted.

And then he lost that family...Just like he had his father. It was from that moment on, he knew that to love something as fragile as a human whose life could be lost in a matter of seconds was reckless. Loving people, that made him weak. It gave him a flaw, a vulnerable spot. 

He knew that if he wasn't careful then Eren could cause him pain too and he wouldn't allow that. Caring was overrated anyway, and Levi had learned that it caused more suffering than joy. The only thing he could afford to care for was himself, and the lifestyle he had chosen which was being a soldier. With a lifestyle choice like that, he didn't want to care. He may have in the past, but that was a serious mistake that cost him sleep every night.

Levi had become a professional at shutting off his brain and not thinking when he didn't want to, but he struggled when night fell. Sleeping should be an escape, but it was more like imprisonment to him. It was at night when he'd fall asleep that his mind became vulnerable to the memories he tried so hard to repress...Violent images of gory scenes and shrill screams taunted him throughout the night and it was because of this that he rarely ever slept.

He'd try to sleep, but would wake shaking and sweating. This had happened so many times that after countless failed attempts to get some rest, he gave up. Instead, Levi would busy his mind by burying his nose in a book.  
Reading is where he found solitude. It was easy for Levi to lose himself into a world of imagination even if it was a stupid concept at times and could never be remotely possible, he enjoyed chuckling at the thought of a sparkling vampire pining for an emotionless girl who was also in love with a werewolf.

Levi shook his head in exasperation as his eyes flitted across the page. The one thing he was learning from this book was to never read it again. It was then that the shrieking alarm sounded from his bedroom startling him slightly. Sure enough, there was the sun rising in the east. He hadn't realized so many hours had passed, but he was glad that the night was over.

Following the obnoxious sound, he sauntered into his bedroom and silenced the alarm before it could get any louder. He had showered less than twenty-four hours ago, but figured he needed another one especially if he'd be making a public appearance.

Perhaps he could show high schoolers what a real man should smell like. He chuckled at the thought of Eren drowning himself in cologne, "Fucking Jaeger." He muttered amused, wondering if the kid even knew what nice cologne smelt like. He'd just have to show him.

Levi had always been fairly quick to get ready. It didn't take him long to shower, dry and tame his hair, then slip into a tuxedo. Smoothing the black fabric, Levi glanced at himself approvingly in the mirror before he strode out the door with his usual air of arrogance.

Eren had sent him directions the night before so that Levi could find his way to the graduation. It was a community school that Levi was familiar with, but the kid had been too damn excited so he pretended to happily take the directions anyway. He had spoken there a couple times for military recruitment so he figured the ceremony would be held in the gym where he had held all of his meetings. Levi kept his eyes peeled for Eren whom he barely recognized dressed up. The only attributes that gave away Eren's identity were how he was bouncing like a child, and the unmistakable goofy grin plastered on his face.

Levi snorted, shaking his head before he walked over to him. “I barely recognized you." He glanced Eren over, noticing how nicely he had cleaned up. His hair actually appeared to be brushed and his shirt was tucked in neatly, but the blue tie he wore was so badly done that it made Levi cringe at the sight. Sighing, he stepped forward and yanked Eren down by it before he began to retie it.

Eren stared at him surprised for a second before smiling sheepishly.

"Remind me...How are you graduating if you can't even tie your own fucking tie?" Levi scolded though he was mostly being sarcastic...Mostly.

Eren rubbed the back of his head as he began blabbering some excuse, but Levi had tuned him out.

"Levi?" Eren's voice pulled him from his thoughts after a moment. 

"Hm?"

"It's starting. I have to go." Eren flashed him a smile before giving a short wave and running off to join his class.

The ceremony lasted what felt like hours and all Levi could think was he hoped that shitty brat was thankful because it was only because of him that Levi even considered coming. He wasn't exactly one to attend school or social events.

"How was it?" Eren asked as they left together.

Levi bit his tongue actually thinking before speaking for once. "It was...long." He glanced at Eren whose face fell slightly. "But I’m glad I came.” Levi added, watching Eren perk up again.

"Eren." Levi slowed his pace.

"Yeah?" The boy looked at him, his green eyes shining.

Levi gazed into those eyes, opening his mouth before closing it again. "I'm proud of you." He settled on those words.

Hearing that was enough to make Eren smile in such a way that Levi had never seen before. It wasn't his signature lopsided grin. No, this was a special smile. It was the kind that brightened his whole face, his eyes lit up, and Levi realized how much he had actually missed those bright eyes.

"Do you want to grab dinner?" Levi asked.

Eren cocked his head to the side as if he misunderstood. "Dinner?"

Levi's eyes rolled back exasperated. "Yes, that's what I said. Dinner. Do you want some or not?"

Eren's stomach growled in response and Levi smirked slightly. “I guess that answers my question."

~ ~ ~

"What is this place?" Eren asked as they entered the fancy Italian restaurant.

"It's called a restaurant." Levi mused as he watched Eren look around like he had never been out in public before.

Together, they sat down at a table for two and Levi folded his hands beneath his chin as he glanced over the menu though he found himself paying more attention to the young man sitting across from him.

That's when his thoughts were distracted by a familiar voice. "Levi?"

He turned his head to find the recognizable face of his father's ex-colleague. "Mr. Strout." Levi addressed him with a short nod and stuck out his hand which the older man took.

"You've grown." Mr. Strout noted with what appeared to be a regretful smile. "You look just like your father."

Levi stiffened as his eyes flashed towards Eren who was staring between the two of them with a confused expression. "You're the first to think so." He cleared his throat whilst straightening his tie.

"He was a great man." Mr. Strout nodded appreciatively as his eyes wandered away from Levi and his mind seemed to be far off too.

"He was." Levi agreed quietly. "You were one of his good friends and he always spoke highly of you."

Mr. Strout smiled fondly at Levi. "You should have heard of the way he spoke about you-"

The man was interrupted by the waitress who bounced over to their table with her ponytail swinging. "Can I take your order?"

Mr. Strout stepped aside giving her space as he waved goodbye to Levi, "It was wonderful to see you again."

"Likewise." Levi offered a small smile before turning his attention to the bubbly waitress. "I'll take a water to drink and the Alfredo to eat."

Eren glanced down at his menu. “I'll have the same..."

Once the waitress left, Eren leaned forward on the table locking eyes with Levi. "Who was that?"

"A waitress. I think her name was Emily." Levi replied.

Eren rolled his eyes. “Not her. The man." 

Levi hesitated momentarily. "He was a friend of my father."

Eren's facial expression changed to one of curiosity though he kept quiet.

"Spit it out." Levi sighed.

"What?"

"Ask what you want."

Eren's eyes widened slightly as his eyebrows raised. "Really?"

Levi could clearly see Eren's surprise and was honestly surprised with himself since it wasn't common for him to open up.

Levi nodded gesturing freely. “Really."

Eren shifted in his seat as his eyes lowered thoughtfully to the floor and a silence passed between them until he finally spoke. "What was he like?"

"My father?" Levi watched him.

Eren nodded.

"He was...a businessman. Very serious and shit. The kind of man that actually enjoyed working overtime and he would do that a lot." He paused before continuing, "He always had big dreams for my wife and me." Levi snorted slightly shaking his head. "But-"

"But you're gay." Eren cut in.

"Yeah...I'm fucking gay. Apparently, that was too much for him to comprehend." Levi kept his eyes focused on Eren. "Because it was a family business that he wanted to pass onto me and then my children. When he found out I didn’t want to marry a woman, he almost cried. He thought his business would go down in flames because of his flaming son."

"He sounds like a dick." Eren muttered as his brows furrowed together and his eyes narrowed. He looked as if he was about to punch something.

"He wasn't."

This seemed to surprise Eren so Levi explained. “He just did some dicky shit, but that didn't make him a terrible person. He was a success in the industry, a real gentlemen to everyone except his wife, and he treated his company more like a son than me." Levi said with sarcasm.

"But that guy was just talking about how great he was." Eren interjected.

"That guy was his business partner. His right hand man. Of course, he'd think that."

"And you agreed with him."

"Because he's dead now so what does it matter what people think of him?"

Eren looked confused by this reply so Levi explained.

"My father was a good man in his eyes, Eren. I'm not going to taint the memories that Mr. Strout has of him because of my personal experience."

Eren bit his lower lip glancing away from Levi's gaze. "So...What happened?"

"You mean, how did he die?"

Eren gave a short nod.

"He was so distraught or whatever that he lost focus and his company began to decline. It was nearly buried beneath debt when the incident happened. He went to a bar and got drunk which wasn't a big deal until his dumbass decided to drive."

Eren sucked in a sharp breath, "Levi..." He whispered allowing his eyes to finally look at him. "I'm so sorry."

Levi cleared his throat removing the lump that had formed there, "It's not your fault."

"Is that why you joined the army?" Eren wondered aloud.

"To get away from all this fucked up mess? Pretty much." Levi tilted his head looking at Eren and wondered what he was thinking. "And the worst part is that once he died, everyone naturally assumed I'd take over the business. That was something I never wanted to do and like hell I was going to just because it was expected of me."

"I don't have much of a family either." Eren admitted though Levi had already gathered that. "I guess we joined the army for similar reasons."

Levi smiled slightly, "I guess so."


	10. Someone’s got it bad

EREN POV

“Will you train me?” 

At the time, Eren had thought asking Levi to personally prepare him for basic training was a wise idea. Not only would he be ahead of the other newbies, it would also allow him more opportunities to know Levi on a personal basis. After having learned the story of his dad, Eren was almost positive that he wasn’t the only one who felt a deeper connection.

However, perhaps he should have devised another plan for talking with Levi. The only form of conversing they partook in at the gym was Levi barking orders or berating Eren for how poorly he was doing. It soon became tiresome, especially physically. He was ashamed to admit so, but Eren hadn’t been dedicated to an exercise routine for years. 

To suddenly be forced into a rigorous and demanding work out that Levi had created specifically for him, it was draining any energy he had left which he didn’t have much to spare after a long day at school. 

“Remember, you asked for it.” Levi smirked, standing beside Eren who was currently doubled over and gasping for air. 

‘Oh, I remember. I’m regretting it now.’ Eren thought, rubbing the stitch in his side. 

Straightening up, he wiped the sheen of sweat from his forehead before turning to Levi, “How’d I do?” He huffed.

Levi glanced at the stop watch in his hand, dark strands of hair obscuring his eyes. For a moment, Eren allowed himself to appreciate how attractive his superior was in sweatpants. Could Levi pull off anything? 

“Nearly seven minutes.” Levi spoke, and Eren frantically turned his attention elsewhere. Not wanting to have been caught staring.

“Seven?!” He repeated, a sigh of exasperation escaping his lips. “I used to run a mile in under five!”

“Must be all the illegal alcohol you’ve been consuming.” Levi shot back.

Eren waved nonchalantly. “Whatever.” 

“Stretch it out and let’s go. It’s getting late.” 

Nodding, the brunette parted his legs before leaning forward into a stretch. 

“Wrong.” Levi judged harshly.

“What?”

“You’re doing it wrong.” A pair of firm hands grasped Eren’s waist tightly causing his eyes to widen dramatically at the unexpected contact.

“Um...Levi?” Eren’s voice came out shakier than he had intended.

“Relax, kid. I’m helping you, not hitting on you.” Levi reassured him, but Eren hadn’t been complaining before per say. 

“Stand up, and let me show you how it’s done.” 

Eren obeyed, taking a step back as he trained his gaze on Levi who promptly bent over. His fingers brushing the tops of his toes. “Notice how I’m bending from my waist and keeping my back straight?”

“Yeah.” Eren said, only half listening. He was a bit distracted by the view..

Shit. What was he thinking? Levi was practically his colleague as he had been reminded on several occasions, but it was difficult to remember that when he was having such dirty dreams about the guy.

Eren’s dreams were slowly becoming more about a different kind of penetration than the sword he used to have nightmares of. 

“Now, you try.” Levi’s voice dragged Eren back into reality. The sad reality that he’d never stand a chance with the man standing before him.

~ ~

Even if Eren’s chances were slim, he remained hopeful. That hopefulness often led to frustration though, the physical kind which he would eventually tend to. The fact that he no longer needed a certain crude website for inspiration to rub one out further proved that he had it bad. Whatever ‘it’ was, he had it for Levi.

Because nowadays, it was only the thought of Levi that could make his toes curl. 

It shouldn't have surprised him though. There had always been somewhat of a link between him and Levi, considering the unexplained visions he had been having of the man. Though his initial attraction towards Levi was mainly built upon his own curiosity, that changed when Eren began to see Levi for who he is rather than what he had seen in his unconscious.

Granted, Levi may be a sarcastic pompous ass who stomps around in combat boots acting like he's the Queen of England with his nose stuck in the air, but disregarding all of that...he was also the bravest, wisest, and kindest man that Eren had ever met.

Okay, maybe not the kindest. Levi could be a royal pain, and he pissed Eren off more than anyone else in this world. Yet he simultaneously managed to make Eren feel wanted, which was more than anyone else had done for him. 

Eren collapsed onto his bed after having cleaned up the mess he previously made. Lying there, Eren stared at the ceiling allowing his mind to wander to the one person that he seemed to think about these days.

Ironically, it was then that his phone rang and he saw the name of that very person appear on the screen. He didn't hesitate to snatch up the phone and answer, "Hey."

"Where did you want to train?" Levi asked, wasting no time.

"Uh...I guess we could go to the gym like we have been." Eren answered, but Levi didn't seem to actually care about his preference.

"I was thinking we could go on a hike."

"A hike?" Eren repeated.

"A hike, Jaeger. You ever been on one?"

"Like in the woods?"

Levi sighed audibly. "No, I thought we could take a hike around the mall."

Eren sensed the sarcasm seeping from Levi's voice, and decided to give him a taste of his own medicine. "Are you sure? I hear the mall is pretty big. You really think your legs could carry you that far?” 

The other line became silent, and Eren struggled to contain his laughter as he sneered.

"Eren.” Levi broke the silence though the tension remained.

"Yes?" He played innocent.

"One more comment about my height, and I'll remove a couple inches from you." Levi threatened, but Eren wasn't quite done having his fun.

“As long as you don't remove more than six because then I'd have no balls like you." 

"Actually, I'd only have to remove about two." Levi countered.

"Right..." Eren murmured, "I forgot it was almost as small as you."

"I was talking about you, Eren. If you were to do such a thing to me then you'd have to cut off seven inches, and I'd still be more of a man than you." Levi kept his tone even, but Eren was nearly positive that he was smirking with his usual expression of arrogance.

Eren's brows furrowed together as he clenched his jaw. "Fuck you."

"You forget I like men, brat. Real men." Levi shot back. 

The comment was enough to push Eren over the edge. "I am a real man!"

"Sure, kid. We'll see about that." 

The line clicked signaling the end of the call. 

Eren groaned throwing his phone onto the ground as he pushed himself out of bed and grabbed a pair of sneakers. 

Was that supposed to be a challenge? If so, Eren planned to exceed all of Levi's expectations.

He kept this undaunted attitude even as he stood in the woods with Levi by his side. 

“Whoever gets to the creek first wins." Levi said.

Eren nodded, feeling confident in his victory. He had the upper hand with his height, and that he had always been quick on his feet. Beating Levi should be easy, and then he would see that Eren was a suitable enough man.

"Ready..."

They both prepared themselves.

"Set..."

Eren waited for the last word.

"Go!"

Launching himself forward, Eren sped past trees and hopped over roots as he kept eyes on the prize. All he had to do was reach the creek before Levi did...The problem was that he had no idea where the creek was. His only guidance was the sound of trickling water in the distance. Tuning into the sound, he blocked out everything else and ran towards the noise. The louder it got, the more assured of his victory he became or at least until he saw a shadow in his peripheral that seemed to be gaining on him. 

Eren quickened his pace and lengthened his strides, refusing to lose to that narcissist beat him. It wasn't long until the creek Levi had described before came into view. Eren smiled at the sight and lunged towards it, he could almost taste success when Levi zipped past him in a blur.

Eren's eyes widened as he watched Levi take the lead and reach the creek before turning to Eren with his nose turned upwards in a snooty sort of way. It made Eren want to slap him and kiss him at the same time.

He came to a stop by Levi. “H-How?!" He breathed.

"It's called being in the army, kid."

"I'm not a kid." Eren snapped.

Levi arched an eyebrow staring at him for a moment before he finally nodded. “You're right." Eren smiled pleasantly surprised until Levi added, "You're a little girl."

Little girl? Eren gaped in shock though he was truly hurt more than anything. Bulking out his chest and standing tall, Eren glared at Levi. "At least I don’t look like one."

Levi snorted, "Calm down, Jaeger. I've been messing with you."

"What?"

"Well, partially." Levi teased.

Eren stepped back and stared at him for a moment before deciding to let it go. If Levi had been joking with him then there was no need to try proving himself, and yet there remained a fragment of desire within him that wanted to impress and please Levi.

And he absolutely hated it...He had never been one to care what others thought. When had that changed?

"What's that face for?" Levi interrupted his thoughts.

"Huh?"

"You look like someone just slapped you in the face."   
Levi said.

"Oh, it's nothing." Eren lied.

“Well, cheer up because I got the details about boot camp. They're relocating us to South Carolina, and you'll be under my authority at Fort Brown."

"When do we leave?" Eren asked, not able nor wanting to hide his excitement.

"A week or so from now." Levi replied, brushing past him. Their hands gently scraped the other's as he did so and Eren couldn't help, but wonder what it would feel like to hold Levi's hand.

He pushed the thought away though. “Wanna race again?" He asked.

"Again?" Levi glanced over his shoulder. "You really wanna be beat twice, brat?"

Eren had grown accustomed to the nickname. He didn't always like it and there was a time when he once hated it, but it was something he had begun to grow fond of though he would never say so aloud. "What? You scared I'll win?"

"You wish, Jaeger." Levi scoffed taking off.

"Not fair!" Eren shouted as he chased after him.

 

~ ~ ~

 

LEVI POV

 

"You've gotten faster." Levi said approvingly of Eren. It had been a week since their hike, and though Eren had enjoyed the woods, Levi preferred the clean gymnasium.

"Yeah." Eren grinned, tugging off his shirt to reveal his bare chest which glistened with beads of sweat.

Levi stared for a brief moment before tearing his eyes away from the sight. 

"Levi?"

"Hm?"

"Can I ride with you?” Eren was staring at him.

"Ride with me?"

"To boot camp tomorrow." Eren reminded him.

"Oh. Yeah, sure." Levi grabbed his car keys. “You can stay the night at my place...just don't do anything weird in my sheets, okay?"

Eren smirked. "You don't want to join me?" He asked teasingly.

"Don't joke about that stuff." Levi rolled his eyes though he couldn't deny that the thought interested him.

When they finally arrived back at Levi's house, he helped Eren carry in the duffel bags that they had retrieved from his apartment.

"We'll leave early tomorrow morning. Be up before seven, okay?" Levi watched Eren settle into the guest room.

Feeling disgusting after his workout, Levi left Eren to his own devices and walked swiftly towards the shower.

Once he had stripped bare, he stepped into the shower where he rinsed off with warm water and lots of soap. After scrubbing himself thoroughly and washing his hair, Levi felt efficiently clean. So, he exited the shower before grabbing a towel to tie around his waist.

He knew he'd need to turn in early and try to sleep, but sleep hadn't come easily to him lately and he wondered if there was even a point in trying. He slipped into bed placing the covers around him carefully so they wouldn't crinkle and closed his eyes hoping that he would miraculously be able to have a good night's rest.

After hours of tossing and turning, he managed to finally drift off only to be greeted by the memories he had so desperately tried to avoid.


	11. Bloodstained memories

LEVI POV

Hunched behind a tree, Levi fought to remain silent and calm though he was convinced that the thumping of his heart against his chest could be heard around the world.

Inhaling shakily, he plucked up enough courage to cautiously poke his head from the hiding spot. Eyes darting around to see if there had been any change, he found that nothing seemed to be different except the smoke that rose from the partially demolished building had become darker and thicker. It wafted throughout the forest creating a cloud that made it almost impossible to see.

With limited visual, Levi began questioning if they would be able to successfully finish the mission. They had prepared for it to be difficult, but this was a setback they hadn't expected.

"How the hell did you graduate basic?" Levi hissed at the spindly blond who had one hand clamped over his nose.

"Shuddup, Ackerman." Jeremy shot back.

"Shut up, both of you." Maverick ordered keeping his voice low and steady, “Jeremy made a mistake, but we can work with that. We'll have to."

Levi sent a sideways glare at Jeremy who merely rolled his eyes in response. 

Maverick must have noticed their unspoken tiff because he was quick to ease into another subject, "Launching that grenade was a good idea, Charlie." He whispered, giving the boy next to him a pat on the back as he tried to lighten the mood.

Charlie grinned, adjusting his gear which kept slipping off his smaller frame. "It seemed better than the alternative."

"How long are we gonna sit here?" Jeremy whined as he began fiddling with his gun.

"Until I say so." Maverick replied calmly.

"Commander, it has been thirty minutes since we launched the explosive. If there were any survivors then I am sure they would have retreated or attacked by now." Nathan said pointedly.

"Commander?" Alexa prompted from her position on the ground, watching the base through the scope of her sniper.

"I have an idea." Maverick finally spoke before pausing, "But it requires teamwork. We’ll need to function as a single unit.” His stern gaze came to rest on Levi and Jeremy who nodded. 

"Nathan and I will search then scour the building." Maverick continued, "Jeremy and Alexa will split by moving around the left and right sides of the building. Charlie, you’ll need to stay here and cover us. Levi will stand guard once Nathan and I go inside. Is everyone clear?"

Once everyone acknowledged that they understood, the new plan was underway. 

Following Maverick and Nathan in a crouched position, Levi kept his senses on high alert as he crept towards the building. Though he trusted their commander’s judgement, there was never any guarantee in these situations. 

Positioning himself at the entrance, Levi stood as a lookout. His thumbs twiddled with his gun which he felt obligated to keep checking if the safety was off. What about the magazine? Were there enough bullets? He made sure there was already one in the barrel, right? 

Levi had to be sure everything was in order, but he also needed to keep his eyes out for enemies. It wasn’t entirely easy, but he managed to multitask even if it didn’t make him the most efficient guard.

After inspecting the safety for the fourth time, which he considered to be a lucky number, Levi felt somewhat at ease. That is-until gunshots rang out from behind him. Ears ringing and heart pounding, he ducked down on instinct. 

Glancing frantically over his shoulder, he tried to see into the base. It was still far too smokey though. He’d have to rush in practically blind, but those were his men in there.

Surging forward, Levi rushed inside with squinted eyes. It was impossible to see more than five feet in front of him, and he couldn’t call out since it would give his positioning away.

His best bet was to simply follow his gut which led him to face plant onto cement so perhaps he should have attempted a different approach. Groaning, he rolled over onto his back. 

Another groan. Except this time, it wasn’t his own. Fumbling for his weapon, Levi hoped that he’d be lucky enough that the man he just tripped over was dead. At least, that was his hope until he saw that familiar face staring back at him.

“M-Maverick?!” Levi hissed, lowering his weapon.

“Levi.” The commander coughed, resting a hand across his stomach, “There are survivors. You...You have to find Jeremy and Alexa before they do.” 

"You need to find him..." Maverick whispered pleadingly, "Get everyone out of here."

"No. You're going to do that. Come on." Levi grabbed the commander's arm attempting to raise him into at least a sitting position, but Maverick wouldn't budge.

"Levi...I can't. You have to save them." Maverick's voice was becoming softer now as he slipped what he used to call his 'lucky pistol' into Levi's hand.

The hand that Maverick had gave him the gun with fell back onto his stomach where Levi could now see a growing pool of red. 

Levi’s eyes widened at the sight before they fell upon the corpse which rest beside Maverick, it would have been impossible to see since the man was face down if the commander’s other hand wasn’t resting on it so tenderly. 

Nathan.

All color drained from his face as Levi felt his whole body turn cold. 

“Take it and go.” Maverick insisted. 

“I won’t leave you here.”

“You have no choice.” Those sea green eyes were struggling to stay open now.

“I’ll come back for you.” Levi swore, standing with the grip of the pistol in his sweaty palm. 

His eyes stung with tears that he refused to let escape, emotions would have to be reserved for later. Right now, he needed to act fast. Running outside, Levi searched desperately for the other two squad members. It was Jeremy who he found first, the idiot had trapped himself into a corner where he was encircled by the enemy. To make matters worse, he was wasting his bullets by shooting like a mad man. Levi knew he had to stop this before he ran out of-

He heard the click of a gun firing a blank and watched as Jeremy's face became white as a dead man which is what he was about to be, but something -or someone- intervened. There was another sound, and this time it was an actual gunshot.

One of the men dropped dead followed by another which left only two. Levi’s eyes darted around for the gunman though it was easy to know who their savior was from that remarkable aim. Sure enough, Alexa was hiding behind a pile of rubble nearby. He smiled slightly before running forward and raising Maverick's pistol. These bastards were about to die by the gun of the man they had shot. How ironic.

The man wearing a full hood turned, seeing Levi coming straight for him yet he didn't seem to care. Turning his back towards Jeremy, he raised his gun. Picking up the pace, Levi charged forward despite staring down the barrel.

Gunshots rang out, and Levi half expected to at least get hit by one of them. To his surprise though, he was completely unscathed. Either this guy had terrible aim or...

Levi’s brows furrowed and he didn't hesitate this time. Shooting the hooded man down with a single blow, he immediately swivelled to shoot the other, but only found that he had fled. 

Whipping around, Levi searched for Alexa. She had always been smart when it came to hiding, but if she had been protecting them then perhaps she was exposed enough. 

Treading carefully, he analyzed each possible place she could have tucked herself away in. He eventually found her, lying behind a pile of rubble. 

"Alexa!" Levi nudged her thigh with the toe of his boot, expecting her to roll over giggling. So they could laugh about how they had nearly died. He wanted to ruffle her short blonde hair and see her smile. He wanted her to push him and call him a dick for not warning her sooner, but that's not what happened and with each second that passed it was clear that none of those things may ever happen again.

Red was consuming his sight, broken sobs rumbled in his chest, his whole body ached from his heart which felt as though it had been ripped from his own body.

And then there was a scream...For a moment, Levi thought it was himself making the dreadful noise, but it sounded so far off in the distance. Who was that?

"Levi!" A familiar voice pulled Levi out of his dream and back into reality.

Blinking, Levi tried to ground himself and convince his mind that he was safe in his own home. It didn’t make much of a difference though, it felt as though he was still stuck there. 

"This..." Levi paused, "This is why I don't sleep." He murmured looking at Eren who was bent over him.

"What? Levi, what happened? I-I heard you screaming and I-" Eren suddenly stopped speaking.

"Levi, why are you crying?" He asked quietly.

Reaching up, Levi felt tears running down his face. 

"I'm fine. Go back to bed." He insisted.

Eren didn't move.

"I said I'm fine, Eren!" He snapped, his voice cracked like a whip.

Eren's expression changed from one of concern to one of pain though he still refused to move.

"I don't believe you." Eren finally spoke.

Levi looked at him, "I don't need you to believe me. I need you to get out of my room."

Eren watched him closely before he crawled beneath the sheets, "I'm the guest..." He argued. "And I want to sleep in here."

Levi opened his mouth, but then shut it. His eyes drifted to the walls and he stared at the color, red. Blood red.

"Eren.” 

"Yeah?"

"Stay on your side of the bed." Levi placed a pillow between them as if to act as a barrier of some sort.

"Okay."

Levi sighed turning over to look at the boy, he stared into those green eyes allowing himself to get lost in them. And for the first time in his life, he forgot about all the red.


	12. Free falling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is long overdue and I apologize for that. I promise to start updating regularly again. Still, I hope this chapter is worth the wait!

LEVI POV

Levi stirred restlessly beneath the sheets as he struggled to find a comfortable position. Kicking off the comforter, he lied on his back staring into the darkness. The only sound that could be heard was the rapid beating of his heart which had yet to calm down since he awoke.

Sighing, he dragged a hand through his hair as he shook his head in dismay. Despite how often this happened, Levi could never quite get used to the disappointment he felt when it did. The realization that his worst nightmares were a reality, memories that refused to leave. The mind was a maze of misunderstandings, an enigma that Levi could not grasp. Much like sleep which was constantly out of his reach. 

Levi had attempted a number of solutions in the past, none of which proved helpful. All of the sleeping pills, therapy, and meditation techniques amounted to nothing. It had been bothersome that there was seemingly no cure, but now that he had found the closest thing to one...It wasn’t the relief he had initially expected to hav. In fact, nothing terrified him more than the obnoxious boy lying next to him. The power that a single person had to somehow calm Levi’s mind.

Sure, he was still reeling and the dream was certainly taking a physical toll, but looking at Eren made everything a little less painful. Having his quiet presence gave Levi a peace that wrapped him in security. It was this strong sense of safety that he couldn’t quite explain. Even as a teenager, he had always felt as if the world was against him. Now, he felt as though perhaps he had found a place to hide from the storm that raged on within and around him. 

Rolling on his side, Levi locked eyes with Eren in a gaze. It was possibly the longest that they had stared at one another in silence. It allowed Levi to actually note the details of Eren’s face. 

Soon enough, Levi was checking Eren out before he even realized what he was doing. He found himself staring at the male’s chestnut hair. It may have been a mess and though Levi desperately wanted to force a comb through it, he also admired the look on Eren. Soft freckles decorated tan skin which brought out the color of his eyes. It was those eyes that Levi probably liked the most of Eren’s features.

"Levi?"

"Hm?"

"Are you okay?" Eren’s mouth was downturned into a frown. 

"Yeah, kid." Levi answered with a sigh.

Eren scooted closer. "What...What happened?"

Levi tensed for a moment, debating if he should say.  
He trusted those eyes though. The eyes that could soothe his pain.

"You asked me what the army is like before...It's hell, but it's nothing compared to what you have to deal with when you leave. Now, that's-that's the real hell." He paused and reached over to his bedside table, grabbing a picture frame that he had kept hidden away in the drawer.

Handing it to Eren, he pointed to the tallest and obviously strongest in the photograph. "That was Maverick. He was my first and only squad leader. One of the best that my station had ever seen, actually. When I joined the army after my father died, Maverick became like the father I lost-better than that-he was the father I wished I had.” 

"His name was Nathan," Levi said, directing Eren's attention to the man standing beside Maverick. He was slightly smaller though both men were bulky in build and shared sharp features. "He had always been in Maverick’s squad. The two were close as comrades are, but they shared more than battle scars. They were the morale of our squad, kept us moving forward. I remember when we were deployed as a group and the first night in a new place. Maverick would sing and Nathan would bring out his rusty harmonica. They don’t look like anything more than jocks, but they were pretty good.”

"That was Charlie," Levi pointed to the third person in the picture, a scrawny brunette with round glasses. "He doesn't look like much, but that's why he was our secret weapon. Always quick on his feet and the first to come up with a solution in any situation." Levi stared at the wide smile on Charlie's face and smiled as well. 

"Then there was Alexa." He said, staring at the short girl whose pixie cut could barely be seen beneath her helmet. Bits of blonde poked out from the sides, her bright blue eyes squinting at the camera from how wide she was grinning. "She had an amazing shot. There was never a dull moment with her, she always had something funny to say. Helped everyone keep a sense of humor which she always said was the best thing to have in a shitty situation. We went through tons of those together.” 

"And then there was Jeremy..." He said gesturing to the thin stringy haired blond who had a pointed nose. "He could be an idiot. I always said he was far too childish to wear an army uniform, but he was family. They all were."

Eren's brows furrowed together as held the picture frame gingerly, he stared at all the smiling people before looking at Levi. "Did they...?"

Levi pursed his lips knowing what Eren didn't want to say. “They died."

"I'm sorry." Eren finally mumbled.

"It's not your fault." Levi replied, taking the photograph and hiding it in the drawer once again.

"I'm still sorry." Eren said, watching Levi who quickly changed the subject.

"You should get some sleep. We have an early morning."

"What about you?" Eren interrupted.

"What about me?"

"You should sleep too." He insisted.

Levi nearly scoffed at the thought, "You saw how well that ended last time."

"I don't think I can sleep either." Eren admitted softly before looking at Levi whose expression must have displayed how confused he felt.

"I just don't want you to- uh- be alone." He stuttered and it was clear that he was partially lying, but decided not to question it.

"I'm a grown ass man, Eren. I'll be just fine."

Eren gave a short nod before he closed the gap between them and pulled Levi into a hug.

Surprised and a bit uncomfortable, Levi nearly shoved him away instinctively, but stopped himself. As they lied together with their bodies pressed against the other's, Levi felt his thoughts begin to slow and his heart beat gradually change to a softer steady rhythm.

"I thought we agreed you would stay on your side of the bed." Levi said trying to sound at least a little intimidating, but to no avail.

"I’m just giving you a hug, Levi." Eren squeezed tighter. "Haven't you ever had one?"

"Not in a long time." Levi admitted as he gently nuzzled his face into Eren's shoulder. He had forgotten what it felt like, but now that he had one he was afraid he liked it a bit too much.

Minutes passed and Eren had yet to release him, he was actually holding Levi closer and tighter now.

"I think this constitutes as cuddling." Levi murmured, his voice becoming quieter as he felt tempted to shut his eyes. The warmth of the embrace and the soothing constant sound of Eren's heartbeat was enough to lull him to sleep and he could feel the temptation to do so rising within him.

"Shut up." Eren whispered. 

Sighing, Levi allowed his muscles to relax as he stopped resisting the fact he was actually cuddling someone. Closing his eyes, he listened to the rhythmic sound of Eren's continual heart thrumming against his chest.

 

~ ~ ~ 

EREN POV 

 

Eren felt the body he held so close to his own relax until it became completely limp in his arms. As gently as he could, Eren readjusted himself so he could sit in an upright position with Levi’s head resting in his lap. Guiding a stray piece of hair away from the man’s face, he tucked it away to reveal a peaceful expression. One he had not seen on Levi before.

It suited him though. Not solely because it was refreshing to see Levi was capable of more than a look of annoyance though that was certainly part of it. 

However, it was also because the lines of worry that typically adorned his forehead had completely disappeared, and his parted lips were aminating soft snores that reminded Eren of a piglet. 

He had to stifle his own laughter upon first hearing it. Clasping a hand over his mouth, Eren stared down at the sleeping beauty below him who tossed a bit before a pale hand reached up and latched onto his thigh.

“Levi?” Eren whispered, “Are you okay?” 

There was no answer. 

From how Levi’s features had suddenly changed and the rigidness of his body though, it was obvious that he was having a bad dream. Eren knew all too well about those. 

“I’m not going anywhere.” Eren promised as if he could be heard. 

Without thinking, as though it were instinctual, he leaned down to press a comforting kiss to Levi’s cheek. Whether or not what happened next could be considered lucky or unlucky, Eren found himself pulling away in surprise when his lips touched Levi’s. 

A single movement, a small twist of a body and they were kissing. Heart thudded in his chest as he tried to contain the thoughts that were exploding in his brain like fireworks. Most of those thoughts being what would be expected from a teenage boy who had never been kissed before. 

Anxiously, he crossed his fingers in all hopes that when he glanced down then he would find Levi to still be asleep. Instead, those blue eyes laced with specks of grey stared up at him with the same surprise that Eren felt.

“I…” Eren began to scramble for an excuse though he truly had none. It technically wasn’t his fault that they had locked lips. It was a misunderstanding, a mishap that Levi turned at that specific time.

Before he could conjure up something though, he felt himself being tugged down into another kiss. Except this one was intentional. Not a mistake caused by a swift turn of the head. It was far better than he had imagined.

Levi’s lips were cold against his own and sent a chill throughout Eren’s entire body though he was sure that the tremor which wracked his body wasn’t solely due to the initial coolness. That was his first impression, the next was how soft his lips were. Eren was sure he had had a third thought, but it vanished when Levi suddenly changed positions so that he was sitting in Eren’s lap with legs wrapped around waist. 

That was when Eren forgot everything. Any previous thoughts he had, his surroundings, and the basic functions of living. More specifically, Eren forgot how to breathe. He could feel his pulse increase dramatically and he prayed to any higher power that existed that Levi couldn’t hear his virgin heart threatening to pop out of his chest. 

If he wasn’t already intimidated by the fact that someone far more attractive was kissing him then he had a new problem, he didn’t know what the fuck he was doing. 

What was he supposed to do with his hands? Let them hang there like dead fish?

What he supposed to do with his tongue?

Fuck.

“Hey.” Levi parted slightly, his face centimeters away. “Relax.” He whispered, pressing a hand against Eren's chest.

“R-Relax?”

“Yeah. You can do that, right?”

“Uh...right.” Eren wasn’t even sure how he was managing words right now.

Leaning in once more with one palm pressed against Eren’s cheek, Levi captured his mouth into a kiss which was more tender than the last. 

Eren breathed deeply, forcing his muscles to relax as he tried not to overthink the process which was going well until Levi decided to take it up a notch with a nip at his lower lip. A sharp pain surged through Eren causing him to gasp out, an action that Levi was quick to take an advantage of by slipping his tongue into the other’s opened mouth.

“Levi, wait.” Eren pulled away despite every muscle in his body screaming against it, but he needed to gain reassurance. Every time he had attempted to initiate or hint at what he wanted to happen between them, Levi had either shut him down or been too oblivious to notice Eren’s agenda. 

For this to happen so suddenly, Eren didn’t want Levi to feel forced in any way. He knew how much he desperately wanted this, but it was necessary to reaffirm Levi’s feelings before they got too far. 

“Do you want this?” The brunette asked, unable to stop himself from glancing at Levi’s lips. 

“What?” Levi breathed.

“Do you want me?” Eren rephrased the question.

Silence filled the space between them. It nearly pushed Eren to the brim of combustion.

“Listen. I get it if you don’t, but just tell me-“

Eren trailed off upon feeling a hand slip underneath his shirt and fingers delicately dance up his spine. The simplest stroke was enough to push all the air out of Eren’s lungs, but perhaps he could grow accustomed to being breathless. If it meant he could be touched by Levi like this more often then he definitely could.

Lifting his shirt, Levi slipped the tee over Eren’s head before tossing it aside and removing his own. It took all of Eren’s willpower not to stare, and even then, he failed. He was completely helpless in the presence of this man, unable to control the desire to know him in every sense of the word. His curiosity may have been due to a singular reason in the beginning, but it was less about that now. It was more so about the man before him. The man who had showed him what it was like to truly be alive. To love and be loved in return, it was a gift. One that Eren never thought he’d be lucky or worthy enough to experience until Levi.

Levi reached out, cupping a hand around Eren’s neck before guiding him forward into a kiss. With no words or explanation, it seemed to be the only answer that Eren was going to get. 

Well, it was good enough. 

Eren was the one to take charge this time, pushing himself inside Levi’s mouth. The change of pace caused the dark haired man to stiffen, an encouragement to Eren who smirked at the response. It was a short lived victory though, the tables were turned in a matter of seconds. It was done so quickly that it had Eren’s head spinning.

Levi rose up with a firm hand weighing down upon his chest until Eren was forced into the mattress. Staring up at the silhouette with wide eyes, he felt Levi straddle him before rolling their hips together in a slow grind that had Eren groaning in frustration. A pressure was building in his groin, growing until he had a full erection. 

Impatiently, Eren bucked upwards into the body pressing into his own. He needed more friction to ease the pulsing throb in his member. 

“Eager, are we?” Levi noted the urgency in which Eren continually thrusted.

“Shut up.” Eren hissed through gritted teeth, “I want you.” 

It was true. He had never meant anything more than that, and it wasn’t solely due to how horny he was in that moment. He had managed to find the man who had been haunting his dreams for months now, that couldn’t be a coincidence. Levi had become his best friend-his only friend-the person he trusted most in this world. He was the one person that could make Eren weak in the knees like he did now. 

A pair of lips found their way to Eren’s neck and began kissing there. They created a trail until finding a specific spot, in the nook between neck and shoulder that had Eren’s thighs shaking. Levi had gone directly to that sensitive area as if they had done this countless times before. It was stupid to even consider it a possibility, but Eren briefly wondered if they had done this in the past. The body on top of his felt so familiar, he thought as he traced Levi’s sides. 

Dipping down, Levi moved to Eren’s waist where he paused. 

“Please.” Eren choked out.

Levi didn’t make another move though.

“Eren, we should stop.”

“What?”

“I’m tired.” Levi said shortly, rolling away from Eren who felt deflated. 

What just happened? They were having fun, right? What did he do to screw it all up?

“Don’t lie to me, Levi.” He urged the man to talk to him. 

“You don’t know me.” 

Eren blinked, sitting up. ‘Don’t know you?’ He silently marveled, ‘I feel like I’ve known you my whole life.’ 

“Yes, I do.” He argued.

“Not really.” Levi shook his head, turning to lock eyes with Eren.

“Okay. Maybe I don’t know everything about you, but I want to.” 

Levi smiled ever so slightly at the sentiment. “Don’t talk about shit you don’t understand, Eren. The sooner you realize that I’m not a good person then the better off you will be.” 

There was no way in hell that Eren would be better without Levi. He didn’t want to imagine being without the stupid prick beside him. Sure, Eren may not know everything about Levi, but he knew enough to have no doubt that this was someone he wanted to stay in his life.

Maybe a month ago, he would have been content having Levi as a friend, but if he said that now then it would be one of the biggest lies he ever told. 

It had all happened too quickly, and Eren wasn’t even sure what ‘it’ was.

He decided to call it love though.

Yeah, that sounded about right. He was falling in love.


	13. Unwanted

LEVI POV 

The following morning was quiet excluding the one attempt Eren had made at a conversation which had been shot down immediately by Levi had never been the type to waste his time or breath discussing a topic as disinteresting as the weather. Perhaps if he had drank another cup of coffee then he could muster enough patience to endure small talk though it was highly unlikely even then.

He knew why Eren was pretending to act interested in the possibility of rain that afternoon, because it was far less awkward than reminding one another of the moment they shared last night. Perhaps if Levi hadn’t reacted like he did then they wouldn’t be stuck in this silence that lasted all throughout breakfast and packing the car. 

If acting as though their moment didn’t happen wasn’t difficult already, Eren’s stolen glances at Levi was making it near impossible. The kid was visibly upset and worried, which Levi had chosen to ignore until he couldn’t. 

The constant staring had already been pushing him closer to the edge, but feeling those beady eyes on his face whilst he was driving was the final shove.

“Eren. Stop staring.” Levi snapped.

Out of his peripheral vision, Levi could see the teenager’s head lower in embarrassment like a toddler who had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. 

Turning his attention towards the window, Eren groaned audibly. “Are we there yet?” He asked, propping his feet up on the dashboard as they drove towards Fort Brown. 

“Not yet.” Levi sighed.

“When will we get there?” He asked.

“We get there when we get there.” Levi replied, half amused and half aggravated by the situation. Eren could be the most annoying person he had ever met and yet he couldn’t imagine life without the incessant whining.

“And when will that be?” Eren muttered, bouncing his leg impatiently.

“Ask me one more time and you’ll be walking the rest of the way.” Levi threatened. 

He must have sounded convincing because the boy finally shut up and though Levi certainly wasn’t a religious person, he thanked whatever higher being for it. He needed the time and space to think. There was too much that needed to be sorted through. 

It wasn’t until they arrived at boot camp that Eren finally spoke again, and by then, he knew what needed to happen.

“Boot camp…” Eren murmured, his eyes almost as wide as the smile plastered on his face.

“Welcome to Fort Brown.” Levi said, watching Eren. “You’ll learn to hate it. By the end of the week, you won’t be able to walk straight or even complete a push up without wanting to collapse.” He parked the car..

Eren smirked, shooting him a sideways glance. “Will I have you to blame for all of that?”

Levi stiffened as he recognized the sexual undertones in the question. He had hoped that they would somehow be able to forget about what happened the night before or at least pretend as if it hadn’t happened, but he should have known that Eren would open his big mouth about the event sooner or later.

The issue was whether or not the kid would be able to keep his mouth shut around other people. Sexual relations between a superior and subordinate were strictly prohibited in the army. This- whatever ‘this’ was could not be allowed to continue. Losing his job wasn’t Levi’s biggest fear though, it was how deep he had allowed himself to fall into a pit. That pit being Eren.

It hadn’t been clear to him before, but it was crystal now. He had been in too deep for a while and perhaps he hadn’t noticed it before because he refused to acknowledge the feelings stirring within him. Levi wasn’t exactly sure what these feelings could be labeled as, but he knew that he felt something for Eren. It became increasingly apparent the night before as they lied in bed together. Staring into Eren’s eyes, the realization hit him like a bullet to the face.

Sure, Levi had enjoyed their time these recent weeks. It was a pleasant distraction and not entirely uncomfortable for him to be in the presence of another human. He just hadn’t expected for this particular human to become his own personal pain killer.

Eren helped him forget all the pain of his past. The vibrant shade of blood red that had been burned into his memory. He didn’t want to lose that pain killer, but he wouldn’t let himself become addicted to it either. If he allowed himself to venture further, Eren would become a drug. In the end, Levi knew needing someone like that and loving them would only bring misery. He couldn’t- wouldn’t- lose Eren like his squad.

A lump formed at the back of Levi’s throat as he shifted his gaze to look outside. Dark clouds hung in the sky, ready to release the raindrops they had been carrying. Eren was right, rain was coming. If only Levi had listened. 

“Listen, kid… What happened last night isn’t going to happen again.” Levi winced, his voice was already betraying him. If he was going to do this then he would have to be convincing and leave nothing open for interpretation.

It was the last thing that Levi wanted to do, but it was necessary for both of their sakes. He needed to prevent this from going any further than it already had.

Forcing his face into an unreadable mask, he turned back to Eren. “I was vulnerable last night, and if you tell anyone I said that then I will beat the shit out of you. I wasn’t in a normal emotional state.” He continued.

Eren’s brows furrowed in confusion, and Levi could feel his stare which he met with blank eyes.

“I needed someone and I took advantage of you-”

“No, you didn’t! I wanted it to happen. I mean… I don’t mind that it happened.” Eren stammered. He reached for Levi’s hand, but Levi moved it out of reach.

“I wasn’t thinking straight, Eren. Now that I am…” He paused briefly before telling the biggest lie he ever had, “I know that what happened wasn’t right.”

“What do you mean?” Eren was staring at him with a desperate and confused face.

“I’m saying that I used you, Eren.” Levi replied bluntly.

He watched as any hint of the smile that Eren had before vanished completely and his eyes lowered to the ground for a moment as silence passed between them. This time, Levi hated the sound. He wanted Eren to say something-anything!

“I don’t understand.” He finally spoke in a soft voice.

Levi raked a hand through his hair. This kid had a thick head and he didn’t want to, but Levi would have to break his heart for this to get through his head.

‘I’m sorry, kid. This is going to hurt...for the both of us.’

“Dammit, brat.” Levi snapped exasperatedly. The sudden shift of demeanor seemed to surprise Eren as he jumped.

“Listen and listen good because I won’t repeat myself again.” He locked eyes with Eren in a cold stare. “I. Don’t. Want. You.”

He sucked in a deep breath, “It was a mistake, okay? So, don’t expect us to run around holding hands and shit now. I’m not your boyfriend, Jaeger. I’m your superior and it’s time that you start treating me like it.”

That seemed to get the message through as he watched Eren’s face fall.

The kid looked broken, but Levi didn’t stay to pick up the pieces. Getting out of the car, he began walking towards the mess hall all the meanwhile mentally chanting to himself to not look back. He knew that if he did then he would crack and he couldn’t let that happen.

He did what needed to be done a long time ago. Levi had already let the brat in too deep and he shouldn’t have done that to begin with, but there was no stopping it. Eren had wormed his way into Levi’s heart so quickly that it took him by surprise, but Levi was taking back the reins.

“I’m sorry, kid.” He murmured to himself as he forced himself to keep walking.

~ ~ ~

EREN POV

“I. Don’t. Want. You.”

Those words stung Eren more than he had expected them to. They tugged at his heart strings, straining them enough that he feared they would continue to tear apart until he came undone.

Eren lowered his eyes briefly and swallowed the lump in his throat. He never imagined he’d be in this position again.

His mind wandered to the first time he had heard those words. Eren could clearly recall sitting on a cold tile floor with his back pressed against the hard surface of a closed door. His hands were balled into tight fists that clutched his hair as he rocked back and forth trying to block out the harsh words that were still being spoken.

“Take him back...No, he’s just not the child for me.” He had heard her sigh and he could almost envision her rubbing her temples like she used to.

Eren could remember cracking the door to watch her pace the living room with the phone pressed against her face. She was the youngest to have ever taken him in, twenty-seven, but even then she had a row of wrinkles that would appear across her forehead whenever she was stressed. He could see them and the way she was twisting a blonde curl around her finger.

“You don’t understand!” She had hissed into the phone audibly enough for Eren to overhear. “I know he came from a bad situation, but I can’t handle this. You have to take him back. I can’t- I don’t want him.”

Eren had never forgotten what if felt like to hear those words for the first time. The way his heart dropped into his stomach as he fell to his knees, and his body shook from sobs that he stifled with a small hand.

He had tried to convince himself that he had been given to the wrong person at the wrong time. It hadn’t been meant to be, but that didn’t apply to everyone. 

As years passed though, it became progressively harder to lie to himself like that.

“Dammit!” The balding man slammed his fist upon the table as his eyes flashed towards Eren. “This is the fourth fight this year. How do you keep managing to do this, Eren? The principle has had it with you. Now, so have I.”

“Anthony--” The woman began, biting her lower lip anxiously as she watched her husband.

He held up a hand silencing her as he glared at Eren. “Go get it.”

Eren grit his teeth. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t get smart with me.” The man snapped as he stood and began removing his belt. “Bend over.”

The crack of the belt hitting him like a whip was a sound Eren wouldn’t easily forget and neither were the words that followed.

“You’ve been trouble ever since we took you in. When are you going to learn?”

Crack

“Maybe when you actually listen to me.” Eren grumbled.

Snap

“No, you listen to me.” Anthony insisted with another swing of his belt. “I’ll call them again.”

The woman who had sat silently in her chair until now suddenly jumped up, “Anthony!”

“What?” He turned to her with his face red. “Are you going to stand there and tell me not to? You didn’t even want him to begin with!”

Time and time again, Eren had been reminded that he never deserved a place in this world. He only started believing it again when he met Levi, but that man-his last ounce of hope- was walking away.

Pushing the car door open, Eren staggered out after him. “So, that’s it?” 

Levi didn’t bother looking back and continued walking.

Ironic that the one person whom had made him feel heard was deaf to his voice now.

Eren chased after him. Grabbing Levi by the shoulder, he spun the shorter man around until they were face to face. “You don’t get to do that!”

“I can do whatever the hell I want, Jaeger.” He shrugged out of Eren’s grasp.

“What was last night then?” He asked, desperate for answers. He didn’t understand why Levi was willing to throw whatever they had away so nonchalantly. Had Eren misread the signs? What if he made them up completely? 

Either way, Levi had become more than just the guy at the bar. He had become a friend, a confident, and someone that Eren admired. He had even become someone that Eren was falling for, but he should have known that Levi and him being together was a ridiculous thought.

Levi turned on his heel and began walking away once again, but Eren wasn’t letting him go without an explanation.

“Answer me!” Eren demanded.

“You want an answer, kid? I gave you one. What happened last night was a mistake and trust me, it won’t happen again.” Levi kept his eyes ahead as he put more distance between them.

Eren opened his mouth to make a retort or argue, but he couldn’t find the words to say. He was at a loss as he stood there and watched Levi disappear from sight.

“Excuse me?” A voice came from behind him.

Eren glanced over his shoulder to see a honey haired boy with bright blue eyes.

He shuffled his feet awkwardly as he adjusted the duffle bag which was swung over his shoulder, “It’s Eren, right?”

“Uh, yeah. Who are you?”

“I’m Matt. We spent the weekend together at MEPS.”  
Eren nodded, “Right. Sorry, Matt.” 

“You need some help?” Matt gestured towards the car.

“I can get it, but if you have any idea where the hell I’m supposed to be going then that would be helpful.” Eren popped the trunk before reaching into grab his bags.

Out of the seven barracks stationed around camp, Eren was placed in the furthest one along with Matt who hadn’t stopped talking about how excited he was to be at camp, but that he would miss his family which he apparently had a large one. Eren nodded, only partially listening. His thoughts were a bit preoccupied, continually drifting to Levi. Had he meant it? That they were nothing more than colleagues? 

Walking into the barrack, it was close to what he had imagined. The place consisted of twenty bunk beds in total with ten on each side of the room which left a small walkway space for everyone to move about. 

There was also a big bathroom area, but Eren had yet to see it. He’d much rather sit on his rickety bottom bunk wallowing in his own self pity. That pity was quickly turning into anger though as he thought of what Levi had said.

How could he possibly mean that after what they shared the night before?

Eren didn’t understand. He hadn’t exactly expected Levi to become a hopeless romantic, but he didn’t expect this either.

“ATTENTION!” A deep booming voice commanded everyone’s eyes and ears in an instant. Eren pushed himself to his feet to stand in a salute.

“All of you came here because you want to be in the army?” A bulky man strode down the middle aisle with his hands clasped firmly behind his back. Even though he had a buzz cut, the gray color of his hair was noticeable and his eyes were sunken.

“If you wanna be here then you’re gonna have to prove it. I am gonna push you more than ya ever been before. This place isn’t a fucking daycare and I don’t tolerate crying children! So, if you’re gonna whine and waste my time then you can go home so I don’t waste yours. Are we clear?”

“Yes, drill sergeant!” The cabin replied in unison.

“I said...Are we clear?!”

“YES, DRILL SERGEANT!” They repeated louder.

“Good. Go to the mess hall and get some supper. You’ll be turning in early because tomorrow is gonna be an early morning for everyone.” He turned on his heel, leading the way towards the mess hall which was already filled when they arrived.

Eren’s eyes scanned the room where he could feel the suffocating testosterone in the air. He walked over to the buffet line that had formed and grabbed a tray. The food had to be the least impressing thing he had seen so far, but at least he wouldn’t starve and Eren wasn’t a picky eater anyway.

He ate his food silently as he watched those around him. Men talking, laughing, scarfing down their meal, and challenging each other to arm wrestling competitions. None of which Eren wanted to join in on.

“Served three years.” Eren heard a familiar voice nearby and whipped around to find Levi who was going to sit with another man. Someone that Eren noted was unfortunately attractive. Whether or not they were friends or just acquaintances, Eren could feel his blood begin to boil.

Eren watched the two of them sit side by side and talk throughout their entire meal as if they were old friends. He half expected Levi to notice him staring and call him a brat before inviting him over, but that didn’t happen. In fact, the first night of boot camp was nothing like Eren had imagined it to be.

Lying in his bed that night with a choir of snoring surrounding him, Eren tried not to cry.

“Stupid.” He muttered to himself as he aggressively rubbed the tears from his eyes.

Why was he crying over someone that had never truly been his to begin with?

Eren didn’t know the answer, but he knew that he would only allow himself to cry for five minutes. That’s all the time that Levi deserved and that’s the amount of time that Eren allowed himself to fall apart.

He stopped restraining himself and the tears rolled down his cheeks. They soaked his pillow which he used to muffle the sound of his cries and he screamed into it until his throat was raw.

And when five minutes had passed, Eren forced himself to find composure.

He was a soldier now and he’d have to be stronger now.

He’d prove just how strong he was.


	14. Unbearable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter contains certain material that readers may find triggering. If you are personally effected by homophobic actions/words or violence then you may wish to proceed with caution or skip this chapter altogether. Please stay safe, readers!

EREN POV

After having been at Fort Brown for two weeks, Eren had created a collective list of reasons as to why basic training could be the absolute worst. Half of those reasons were related to the sleeping arrangements which were less than preferable. Having to share a room with several other people wasn’t a new concept for Eren who had grown up in the foster system, but his bedding had been at least subpar then. These beds creaked whenever the slightest movement was made, the sound would then echo throughout the room. It was a noise hardly ever heard though, the snoring of twenty men typically drowned it out. 

Despite the loud environment and rickety mattresses, Eren had no trouble falling and staying asleep once his head hit the pillow. The only issue was getting enough rest which was a far fetched dream in the army. There were some nights that Eren felt like he didn’t sleep at all. Especially whenever he was forced to work fire guard. That was only half of the reasoning that basic sucked, there was also the group showers which were a lot sexier when watching online. 

Despite the lack of sleep and privacy though, it was bearable. It was also worth it. Whilst everyone else complained of the ruck marches and the rigorous training, Eren had never enjoyed anything more. 

Yet there existed one thing that wasn’t bearable and the pain that came along with it all wasn’t worth it either.

Levi had become a stranger when they set foot in Fort Brown. It was almost as if they had never met before, those sharp eyes overlooked Eren as though he were nothing more than another cadet. In the beginning, Eren was willing to fight back because two could play at that game. If this was a game though then he was sorely losing. 

He wanted desperately to talk with Levi. Even being acknowledged by him in the slightest form would make Eren feel better, but it seemed as if the older man had completely forgotten his existence or just didn’t care enough to notice it.

The worst part? Levi made it look incredibly effortless not to be around him, but the distance between Levi that Eren felt was constantly nagging him. It left an unsettling sensation in his stomach. 

Why was he unable to simply let go and move on? After years of being stuck in the same stupid cycle of finding someone who he believed loved him then being thrown back into the dirt by that very same person, he would have thought that it would become easier. It never did though. 

At least he had Matt who had quickly become one of the closest friends he ever had. Though they had little in common, they had both joined the army for the purpose of finding meaning.

And Eren had certainly found enjoyment, but hadn’t been as successful in finding meaning yet. Matt, on the other hand, seemed to be fending for himself fairly well. He become quite popular with many of the others in their barrack which often left Eren alone and watching from afar.

Something Matt wasn’t going to ignore.

“You should really stop moping.” Matt clicked his tongue as they walked towards the mess hall.

“What?”

“Don’t act dumb. You’re always sitting by yourself and moping.”

“Am not!” Eren crossed his arms.

A pointed look from Matt called his bluff. 

Eren sighed, “It’s stupid.”

And it was, it really was.

“What’s going on?” Matt pressed.

“It’s this...person.” Eren chose his words carefully, “We were really close and then--then they just stopped talking to me.”

“Okay. A girlfriend?” Matt watched him as they entered the obnoxiously loud building.

Eren simply shook his head. “More like a boyfriend.” He snuck a sideways glance at his friend whom was the first person to ever know of his sexuality besides Levi. It had been nerve wracking to say such a thing aloud for the first time, it scared Eren to think that it may change Matt’s opinion on him.

What if this was how he lost yet another person?

Matt’s facial features showed no sign of shock or disgust though. “Have you talked to him?”

Eren shook his head again.

“Well, maybe that’s why.” Matt laughed, nudging Eren with his elbow before grabbing a tray.

“Maybe…” Eren knew that wasn’t the reason.

Sitting down at a table near the back, Eren’s eyes immediately began to scan the area for the one person he had been thinking of all day.

Levi was sitting where he usually did, to the side where he avoided unwanted contact, and could indulge himself in a conversation with Mr. Muscles.

That’s what Eren had decided to call the man who often sat next to Levi which seemed like a suiting name considering his appearance. He was over six foot with biceps like Superman and a face like Captain America which was so unrealistic that is was intimidating. 

Eren tightened his grip on the fork he was holding as he stared at the man and searched for any flaws that he may have yet there seemed to be no downsides to his appearance. The only thing that came close was the jagged scar upon his shaved head, but that only made him look like a total badass.

Eren averted his eyes, refocusing on Levi and he felt a fire ignite in his belly. One fueled by desire though even more so by an ache that derived from both anger and sadness. Gritting his teeth, Eren lowered his head as he thought back to that day in the car. A day he spent far too much time replaying in his mind.

He had thought Levi would be different, but he had gotten his hopes up. 

A mistake that he refused to make again. He was growing accustomed to the fact that nobody would ever truly want him, but he planned to make himself needed. He would prove to be the best soldier.

 

~Days Later~

 

“Twenty- three.”

Eren’s limbs were shaking as he lowered himself to the ground once more.

“Twenty-four.”

He wasn’t sure if he could keep going…No, he had to. He would do this.

“Twenty-five. Now, go to bed.” Matt huffed, sitting on his bed as he watched Eren with tired eyes.

“Now I got to do sit ups.” Eren rolled onto his back where he got into position.

Matt groaned running a hand over his face. “Haven’t you had enough?”

“I told you that I wanted to focus on my training.” Eren responded.

“Focus on it during the day time.”

“This is how I’m going to be the best.” Eren insisted.

“Give it a rest! You’ve been at this for days.”

Matt was right, of course. Eren had been training more than anyone else for the past couple days, he was determined to do well. It was a plus that keeping himself so busy also helped him forget Levi.

“I’ve only been going at it for…” He glanced down at his watch, “Three hours?!”

Matt nodded, groaning. “Yesss. Now, go to sleep.”

“I-I can’t! Shit, I’m going to be late for fire guard!” He ran out the door and down the hall to join his partner keeping watch.

His partner, Jake, was sitting against the wall messing with his shoe laces. “Where you been?” He asked in a bored tone.

“Sorry, Jake-”

“Jack.” He corrected him.

“Jack…” Eren nodded. “Sorry.” He took a seat next to the brunette who looked (and acted) like the stereotypical asshole jock from high school. 

“That’s like the second time this week.” Jack muttered, resting his head against the cement wall.

Eren sighed, rolling his eyes as he fought to keep his mouth shut and restrain himself from making a comeback. His self control didn’t last long though. 

He turned to say something snarky, but was interrupted by a thud that came from down the hall. Snapping his head in the other direction, he searched for the source. 

“What the hell was that?” Jack stood slowly.

Eren shook his head, standing along with him. “I don’t know.”

“Go check it.” Jack pushed him forward.

A favor that Eren would have been quick to return if he didn’t feel responsible for checking the suspicious noise that had arose on their watch. 

“Pussy.” Eren muttered under his breath as he walked down the hall, keeping his eyes peeled for anything out of place.

Even so, he didn’t see the two hands that suddenly grabbed shoved him roughly to the tile floor though he didn’t stay there for long. Staggering to his feet, he whirled around to find the face of the person who had pushed him.

The only thing he saw though was a fist flying towards him before it collided into the side of his jaw with such astounding force that it knocked him to the ground once more in a single swoop. Blinded by the stars that exploded across his vision, Eren fumbled frantically to get to his feet. His heart and mind both racing a hundred miles an hour as he tried to gather his wits, but he couldn’t think properly.

The only clear thought he had was that he had to get out of there immediately.

Everything was a blur after that.

He could hear words being hissed at him. “Faggot” was the only audible one he could make out through the chaos.

A blow to the side forced the breath from his lungs and before he could even gasp for air, there came another kick causing him to double over in pain as he choked out words that even he couldn’t understand.

Someone’s body was then on top of his and their hands formed fists around his shirt, stretching the fabric as they lifted him up and punched him right in the nose.

His head snapped back as his lips parted in a garbled cry. The taste of blood, hot and metallic, filled his mouth.

Eren desperately shoved at the shoulders of the stranger as he began kicking his feet wildly in attempt to escape. He managed to slip out from underneath them, but was yanked back once they had hold of his heel.

“Hurry the fuck up, man. People are gonna hear.” A voice said from above. It was Jack, but then who was on top of him now?

Eren’s eyes widened as the realization dawned upon him...there were more than one.

He was outnumbered.

It was in that moment Eren felt a sudden surge of energy pulse through him and it was directly from the fear that was quickly consuming his every thought.

Thrashing out, he managed to push the person pinning him down off. He jumped to his feet without hesitation and forced his legs to push forward.

Running out the door and into the dark, he moved without thinking where he was going and he really didn’t care as long as it was far from here.

His heart was still banging inside his chest and his lungs burned from lack of oxygen, he knew he’d pass out soon and he hoped that the relief would come quick.

All of him ached in that moment and he wanted nothing more than for the blackness blurring the edges of his sight to overcome him.

Though Eren couldn’t remember how he got there, he found himself standing outside a door. He pounded against it until it swung open revealing the person he had been secretly longing to speak to for weeks.

Seeing him, Eren knew he was safe.

“L-Levi…” He managed to say before his body finally collapsed. He could have sworn he heard his name being called, but then everything went black.


	15. Second chances

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Homophobic language involved. Proceed with caution if this is a trigger for you.

LEVI POV

Levi paced the floor, his eyes continually flickering to the body of the unconscious boy lying on his bed.

“What happened?” He asked for the tenth time, his voice coming out harsher than he had originally intended.

“I-I don’t know.” Matt stammered, standing by the bedside of his friend. 

Levi forced a hand through his hair. “Fuck.” He cursed under his breath.

For someone who took pride in being able to keep his cool in a stressful situation, Levi was disappointed to find himself so shaken over something that would never have bothered him a couple months ago.

Glancing back at Eren, he was relieved to see those big striking emerald eyes slowly begin to open. Finally, he was able to stop his panicked pacing.

“Eren.” Levi breathed the name as he rushed to the bed, “You...You look like hell.” He managed, wincing at the less than eloquent words. There were so many other things he wished to say, but was at a loss for how to say any of the thoughts that were circling around his head. 

Eren gave a short nod, grimacing as he did so. A hissed gasp of pain slipping through his gritted teeth. “That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.” He didn’t hold back on the sarcasm which on any other day would have received an even snarkier remark from Levi, but he could only manage a half hearted smile in return at this time.

“What happened?” Levi asked.

Eren blinked, a blank expression crossing his face as he tried to recall the details. “I...I was working fireguard with Jake- actually, his name is Jack- and then something happened.” His bushy brows furrowed together as he struggled to remember what that ‘something’ had been. “I went to check it out and these guys jumped me.”

“Idiots is what they were.” Levi rolled his eyes. “Do you remember anything else?” 

“They-they were calling me…” His eyes flickered to Matt before resting on Levi. “They called me a fag.”  
He lowered his voice at the last word so that it was merely a whisper.

Levi wished he could be surprised, but it wasn’t uncommon for there to be a certain amount of resistance in the army directed towards same sex relationships. Even so, there were rarely any physical fights started because of it. If these cadets had any brains at all then they’d realize that beating one of their comrades was an automatic judgement to have them recycled and forced to the beginning of their training.

And if these assholes had a heart then they’d realize it needed to be opened a bit more. Levi wished his father’s had been open to the idea-to his son-being different. 

“Besides Jack, who was there?” Levi asked as he struggled to maintain a collected composure.

“I don’t know.” Eren shook his head. 

Levi stepped away from the bed, turning his back to Eren as he tried to calm his rapid pulse.

“Eren…” Matt suddenly spoke up.

Eren’s eyes followed the sound of his name before coming to rest on Matt who Levi could hear stumbling over his own words as he tried to speak.

“I-I think I know who did this.” He confessed.

That certainly caught both Levi and Eren’s attention. Whipping around, Levi focused in on Matt who was wringing his hands. 

“The guys-the ones I’ve been hanging out with.” Matt continued.

Eren frowned. “Why would they do that?” 

“You’ve been sitting by yourself a lot. I thought that maybe it was just because you were shy so-so I talked to some of the other guys. I just thought that you could use a little push, you know? If I told them a bit about you then-”

Matt had become pale as he spoke, the color completely drained from his usually rosy cheeks.

“What did you tell them, Matt?” Eren asked though he seemed to already know the answer.

“I said that you were my friend-”

Eren cut him off, “You tell them I was a fag?”

Matt’s eyes widened. “I would never use that-”

“But you did tell them I was gay.” Eren stared at him.

“I didn’t think it was a big deal!” Matt defended himself, but Eren was done listening.

“Get out.” He growled.

Matt opened his mouth to protest, but Eren stopped him. “Get out!”

Levi pursed his lips as he stood by the bedside with crossed arms. He stared at Matt, watching the boy’s shoulders sag forward as he turned and left them there alone.

Eren looked like he wanted to punch a hole through something which Levi didn’t blame him, he was currently wondering himself what it’d feel like to bang Jack’s face into a brick wall.

Levi couldn’t do that now though, it’d be unwise to leave Eren’s side who was not only a victim of assault, but also happened to be a reckless hot head that Levi didn’t trust leaving to his own devices. 

Eren’s face had already taken quite the beating. It didn’t need another. Though his nose had stopped bleeding, there was a trail of dry blood coming from the right nostril. One of his eyes was already bruising and his lower lip had been busted open.

“What happened?” Eren mumbled.

Levi’s forehead crinkled in confusion at the question. “What?”

“How did I get here?” Eren specified.

So, Levi explained how Eren had passed out which left Levi responsible of carrying him to the bed. Afterwards, he had called fireguard in Eren’s building to wake Matt and send him over.

Having seen the two of them sitting together frequently, Levi figured that if anyone would know what happened then it would be the guy with dorky dimples.

Eren gave a short nod before rolling over to his other side. “You don’t have to stay here.”

“Kinda have to, kid. You’re the one in my room.”

There was a silence between them before Eren slowly began to push himself out of bed. “I’ll just leave then.” His tone was bitter, “Wouldn’t want to intrude.”

Levi moved quick enough to grab hold of Eren’s shoulder and gently force him back into the mattress before he had the chance to fully stand.

“You’re staying here tonight.” Levi stated matter of factly.

Though Eren argued at first, he was eventually convinced into staying put. Probably because he passed out halfway through their conversation. 

After tucking him in, Levi took a couple steps back and took a seat in a wooden chair where he stayed up to keep an eye on Eren. 

A task he continued until the sun began to rise. Once it had, he walked over to the bed and gave Eren a little shake to wake him. Eren’s eyes shot open almost immediately, he looked prepared to fight someone off as if he had been having a bad dream.

“It’s time to get up.” Levi said. “You should go see the nurse.” 

“I’m fine.”

“It wasn’t a suggestion. It was an order.”

Eren pushed himself to his feet, “I don’t take orders from you.”

Of course, Eren was holding a grudge against Levi for what he had done, but did he have to act so immature about it? 

“Actually, you do.” Levi quipped.

Eren said nothing as he hobbled out through the door.   
Levi watched him leave knowing full well that he wouldn’t go to the nurse. He was right too because less than thirty minutes later, there was Eren in the mess hall.

Except Matt wasn’t with him as he usually was, Eren sat alone.

Levi wanted to go over there, but knew it would only confuse Eren. He couldn’t act as if they were friends now because they weren’t. He had made that clear on their first day here.

So, he decided to keep his distance. Even so, he kept an eye on Eren just like he had been for weeks. Except now, he was watching him even more carefully after the incident of the night before.

 

~ ~ ~ 

 

EREN POV 

Eren wasn’t sure what was worse, the physical pain or the other kind of pain. 

Emotional pain? No, Eren wouldn’t call it that. 

Others might, but Eren didn’t wish to admit that he was having an emotional crisis once again and it was all because of that stupid short ass. Eren thought he had moved on. He really did because he had learned to hate Levi for what he had done. 

Or at least, he wanted to hate Levi. He couldn’t bring himself to though and that upset him more than anything. 

It was stupid. So incredibly stupid. 

So, why the hell was he standing in front of this door again?

He was about to turn and leave when the door swung open. Levi stared at him with a cup of tea in hand. 

Eren blinked awkwardly. “Hey…” 

Levi opened the door wider as if inviting Eren in. 

Stepping inside, Eren closed the door behind him slowly. “I guess I just wanted to say thank you.”

“For what?” Levi asked, sitting down at his desk and returning to the book he must have been reading before Eren interrupted. 

“For last night.” Eren cleared his throat. 

“Oh yeah.” Levi muttered, his mind seemed to be somewhere else.

Eren sighed annoyed. “What the hell is this?”

Levi looked up at Eren then down at his book. “It’s called Breaking Dawn.”

“No, I meant- Wait. What?” 

“It’s called Breaking Dawn.” Levi repeated, leaning back in the chair. “It’s about this vampire-”

Eren shook his head, holding up his hands. “Nevermind, I shouldn’t have asked.” He paused briefly, “I meant, what are we? You told me to fuck off on our first day here, ignored my existence for weeks on end, and then you take me in last night as if none of it happened?”

“What would you have me do? Allow you to return to the barracks and risk you getting pummeled again?”

Eren clenched his hands into fists. “I could have handled it.”

“Because you handled it so well before?”

“At least I’m not afraid to stand up to my problems and not run away from them like you do!” Eren recalled the way Levi had walked away from him that first day at camp.

Levi stood. “I did what was right. That’s called taking responsibility, Eren.”

Eren glared down at him. “I’d call it being a coward.” 

Levi’s face suddenly darkened. “Careful.” He warned.

Eren was in too deep now though and he didn’t want to stop. These thoughts had been suffocating him and now he was letting it all out. “Or what? You’ll push me away again?”

This caused Levi to freeze for a moment before he took a step towards Eren who stood his ground. 

“I’m not a toy you can pick up when you’re bored then toss into the trash again.” 

“I know.”

“No, you don’t!” Eren pressed. “What the hell are you so afraid of? Is this about what happened that night?” He was referring to the night they had almost hooked up in Levi’s bed.

“No.”

“Is it me?”

“No.”

Eren wasn’t going to keep playing this guessing game. “Then what?! What is it?!”

Levi had strode across the floor towards Eren faster than he thought possible and suddenly the shorter man’s hands were gripping his shoulders. “I can’t lose you!” Levi screamed. His eyes were wide as he stared up at Eren before releasing him slowly.

“I-I can’t lose you…” He repeated lowering his eyes. 

Eren shook his head in disbelief. “So, you pushed me away? Logical.” 

“I never said it was.” Levi whispered, “I said it was the right thing to do.”

“Yeah...Care to explain how? Or do you not give a damn about my opinion in this?” 

“I’ve always valued your opinion.” Levi said.

“You have a funny way of showing it.” Eren shot back.

He was staring at Levi, his entire frame shaking. He didn’t know what to think or believe in that moment. A part of him wanted to believe that perhaps Levi meant it, and that he had done all this to protect Eren in some way. That would be better than what Eren had originally believed which was that he wasn’t good enough.

Eren stared at Levi wanting to dive right into his arms, but restrained himself. Even if what Levi had said was true, it didn’t excuse what he did. What if he turned around and did it again? Eren refused to crawl back like a poor puppy and be consoled by the person that had caused him so much pain.

He locked eyes with Levi. “You weren’t going to lose me.”

“You don’t know that. Health insurance may be guaranteed in the army, but your life isn’t.” Levi sat down on the edge of his bed.

Eren thought back to the photograph Levi had shown him, the one of his friends. His squad. “This is about them...isn’t it?”

Levi must have known what Eren meant because he nodded slightly. “I’m not going through that again. Not with you.”

“I’m not them, Levi.” 

“But you could end up like them.”

Eren sighed, running a hand through his hair as he felt a wave of guilt wash over him. All this time, he had been so wrapped up in his own self pity that he didn’t even think about Levi’s feelings. 

They had both been damaged. They had both been abandoned by people they loved and Eren had forgotten that. 

“I wasn’t thinking about..” Eren trailed off before sighing, “I’m an idiot.”

“Oh, you’re just figuring that out?”

Eren almost snapped back until he saw the playful smirk that Levi wore. He smiled, he had really missed that look. 

“Whatever. I’m an idiot, but so are you.” He said, sitting down beside Levi.

He scooted his hand closer until his fingers brushed against Levi’s. 

Their eyes met in an instance.

“What do we do now?” Eren whispered.

“I don’t know, kid...I don’t know.”

~ ~ ~ 

After a couple days of resting, Eren had recovered enough to breathe properly while training. The bruises covering his chest and abdomen were slowly healing, his eye had also begun to change from a dark purple to a sickly green which was apparently a good thing? His lower lip was still swollen, but that seemed to be the least of his problems.

“Speed it up!” Levi ordered, and everyone picked up the pace. 

If he disliked jumping jacks before then he hated them now. His eyes flickered from Levi and then to Matt who was a couple feet away. Him and his bunk mate hadn’t spoken since the incident. 

Why should they? 

If Matt had just kept his damn mouth shut then none of it would have happened. Eren wouldn’t have been attacked and he wouldn’t have to deal with the sort of looks he was receiving right then.

He could feel Jack’s glares boring into the back of his head as he finished the exercise. Eren wanted nothing more than to turn around and make a snide comment though the look he got from Levi stopped him. 

Eren didn’t want to, but he could be the bigger person. He wanted to be. 

“Fucking faggot.” Jack muttered underneath his breath, loud enough for Eren to hear. Snickering followed the comment and everyone’s heads turned towards the sound.

Eren spun on his heel, locking eyes with Jack who had a prideful smirk playing across his lips. Eren wanted nothing more than to slap that stupid smirk right off his face. Fuck being the bigger person.

“Want to say that a little louder?” Eren asked, stepping forward.

Jack tilted his head slightly to the right looking amused, “You really want everyone here to know that you like it up the ass?”

“You want everyone here to know how I can kick your ass?” Eren puffed out his chest.

“Like last time?” Jack winked.

Eren’s nostrils flared as his eyes narrowed. He didn’t care about trying to be anything anymore. Pulling his hand up, he was ready to send his fist flying into that asshole’s face. Maybe Jack would like his own black eye.

Before his fist came into contact with anything though, Matt suddenly came barreling in between them and tackled Jack to the ground. The two fell onto the grass wrapped up around each other as they began to wrestle.

Eren blinked surprised. “Matt!” He yelled grabbing hold of him, and yanking him to his feet.

Matt turned to Eren. “Let me go!” 

“Why?! So we can be matching?” Eren gestured to his right eye.

Matt turned back to Jack who was currently being held back by Levi. 

“I’m doing what I should have done before.” Matt responded.

Eren shook his head confused. “What?”

“Standing up for you.” He explained.

Eren’s brows furrowed together, “I don’t need you to stand up for me.”

“I just thought-”

“No. No, stop thinking! Stop trying to protect me! I don’t need your help, Matt. I’ve had enough of your ‘help’.”

Everyone’s eyes were on them now.

Matt stared at Eren. His eyes glistening and his lips pulled tightly together. “If you want to be on your own then fine.” He hissed, “Go ahead and push away the only friend you have.” 

Eren rolled his eyes. “I don’t need friends, Matt.” That was true, but he did want friends.

“Right. I forgot you don’t need anyone. You don’t care about anyone except yourself.” Matt bumped shoulders with Eren as he pushed past him.

Eren wasn’t sure what got into him, but what happened next surprised everyone even himself. 

Before he knew what he was doing, Eren had Matt pinned to the ground. 

He managed to get a punch in before Matt flipped them over and was suddenly straddling Eren. 

“Hey, it’s what he’s always dreamed of. Having a guy on top of him.” Jack joked.

“Okay, that’s enough.” Levi grabbed Matt, tossing him off of Eren.

Eren jumped to his feet glaring at Matt who was rubbing his jaw in pain. 

Levi’s hand wrapped around Eren’s wrist as he pulled him aside. “What the hell were you thinking?”

“I was thinking I’m old enough to handle things myself.” Eren pulled away from Levi’s grasp.

“Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately?” Levi crossed his arms, giving Eren a pointed look.

Shaking his head, Eren turned and stomped off. Why was everyone treating him like a helpless child? Especially after all the work he had put into proving himself strong enough to be a soldier. Was he not? Was it not enough? 

He wasn’t about to give up. He’d show them, all of them.

Eren went to lunch that day and sat at an empty table near the back. He had just begun to eat his food when Levi sat down across from him.

“You caused a scene today.” He said.

Eren’s head snapped up. “Me?! I didn’t start it! What about-”

“You should learn to control your emotions and even better, learn to accept that what you didn’t help the situation.” Levi interrupted.

Eren grit his teeth as he lowered his head, he hated it when Levi was right. 

“Are you okay?”

“Huh?”

“Are you okay?” Levi repeated, watching Eren closely.

Eren gave a short nod, “Yeah.” 

That’s when Mr. Muscles, as Eren called him, came over to Levi. 

“Brown would like a word.” He said.

Brown? As in the guy that this place was named after? Eren knew that he wouldn’t have asked to see Levi unless it was for something truly important. 

He figured Brown would want to speak with Levi about training or perhaps about some of the trainees, but he never expected what happened next. 

Eren was strolling across the field as he made his way back from the mess hall. It was then that he was intercepted by a livid Levi who grabbed him by the wrist and forcibly dragged him into his own room.

“What the hell?” Eren asked, tugging away from Levi’s grasp and rubbing his wrist.

Levi turned to face Eren, cheeks flushed. “I just spoke with Brown. Your little friends have been telling everyone that we’re together.”

Eren blinked and frowned, “Friends?”

“Jack and the others.”

“They’re not my friends.”

“Whoever they are to you, they’ve put my position in danger. Brown threatened to have me demoted or even fired because a relationship between a sergeant and cadet is strictly prohibited.” Levi carried on.

Eren stared at Levi with a blank expression. “Are we...in a relationship?”

“No.” Levi answered quickly.

Eren’s heart sank. “You told Brown that, right?”

“I did, but he almost didn’t believe me.” Levi sighed, flicking his hair out of his eyes. “This is what I was trying to prevent, Eren. I was trying to protect both of us from shit like this before...so, why?”

“What?”

“Why do you keep managing to make me care?”

Eren shook his head wondering if he had misheard that. “You-You…”

“Yeah, I care about you. Don’t go getting any ideas though. If anything, this crap with Brown should prove to you that this would never work.”

Eren’s heart was fluttering around his chest like a crazed bird trapped in a cage and desperate to escape. “We could make it work!” He insisted stepping closer to Levi, but then suddenly stopped himself from moving another inch. 

Levi cared...or so he said he did, but that didn’t change what he had done. He had abandoned Eren completely. Was that forgivable?

Eren’s eyes never once strayed from Levi, he wanted this. He wanted him. He wanted the man in front of him more than anything else in this world, but was it right? Could this work? Was he willing to give Levi a second chance?

Yes...Because that’s what he had needed. He had needed so many second chances in life and he wasn’t about to waste this one or deny Levi the opportunity. 

“Levi, we could make this work.”


	16. Together

LEVI POV

“Did you hear a word of what I just said?” He asked, staring at the brunette incredulously. “Brown will have my job if he thinks we’re together.”

Eren paused briefly as he lowered his head, the wheels in his brain were obviously turning.

“Stop.” Levi commanded as if saying so would halt Eren’s thinking process before it got out of hand, and he suggested something even crazier than he already had.

“How can I?” Eren asked, raising his head until those deep green eyes were piercing into Levi’s.

“It’s called self discipline and it’s a good quality to have. You should try it sometime.” Levi snapped slightly before running a hand through his hair.

He had tried too damn hard to rebuild his walls these last couple weeks, and yet Eren was threatening to come crashing through them once again. That’s assuming that Levi had successfully been able to block him out before which he thought he had, but perhaps Eren had never truly left him even if he had turned his back on Eren.

Levi moved towards the desk, sitting down to put more space between them. He hoped that would allow him enough room to breathe because Eren had this strange and annoying ability to make him breathless.

He was quickly learning though that all the distance in the world wasn’t enough to keep Eren from creeping into the back of his mind or getting under his skin. It was unnerving, and as much as Levi wanted to stop it, he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to.

He had to try though for the sake of his reputation, and for his own safety as well as Eren’s.

Eren was watching him closely, his gaze never drifting which made Levi squirm uncomfortably under the intensity of his stare though he forced himself to maintain composure.

He wouldn’t lose that much dignity to the brat.

“You said you cared.” Eren reminded him.

“I did.”

“So, we can make this work. Together.”

Levi sighed shaking his head. “What is it going to take for you to understand that we could never be together?”

Eren shrugged. “I’m stubborn. Once I want something, I don’t stop until I get it.”

“Stubborness is not the quality of a soldier.”

“I disagree.” Eren argued. 

“You’ll disagree with anything I say.”

“That’s not true.”

Levi gave him a pointed look that said, ‘told you so’.

Eren rolled his eyes before he sat down on the edge of Levi’s bed. “If you don’t want me-”

“I never said that.” Levi was quick to cut off that statement. It simply wasn’t true. He did want Eren and it was unhealthy. 

“I’ve lost too many people. I’m not going to stop fighting for us and risk losing you too.” Eren’s tone was determined.

“I’ve lost people too, kid.” Levi responded as he locked eyes with Eren once more.

They stared in silence for a moment before Eren spoke, “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

“Do you not believe me?” Eren asked.

“I want to.” And he did, he really did.

Eren leaned forward resting his elbows upon his knees as he buried his face into his hands. His shoulders sagged and Levi could see he was tired. They both were tired from fighting their feelings and each other. It was exhausting.

Levi was tempted to stop this fighting, stop holding back. That would be weak of him though.

And yet Eren made him weak, incredibly weak yet invincible all at once.

He wasn’t sure which he was being in that moment. Strong because he was accepting his feelings or weak because he was letting those walls down.

Levi didn’t know and he didn’t care as he stood, strode across the room, and pushed Eren’s hands away to reveal his face.

Dipping a hand beneath Eren’s chin, he lifted his head before smashing their lips together in a kiss that twisted his insides and made his heart beat faster.

Eren responded almost immediately, and it was obvious that they had both been starving for the taste of each other for too long. Levi hadn’t realized how much he wanted it until he was kissing those lips again.

Now that he was, he felt addicted. He wasn’t sure if he could go another three weeks without kissing Eren again or if he could even survive a whole day.

Eren’s hands reached up tangling themselves into Levi’s hair greedily as he tugged him closer until their chests were pressed so close together that it felt as if they were going to mold into one being with a single body.

Levi pulled away after a moment, staring at Eren whose eyes reflected the thoughts whirling around Levi’s head.

They were both terrified of what this meant and what it could lead to yet neither were able to part from the other now.

“Together?” Levi breathed.

Eren nodded, “Together.” He agreed.

Levi smiled slightly, they were in this together. That’s how they would do things from now on. Together.

Eren’s face suddenly fell causing Levi to frown, “What’s that look for?”

“I-I need to tell you something.” Eren admitted.

Levi rolled off Eren and sat beside him, he waited patiently for whatever Eren was going to say.

“I’ve been having dreams about you.” Eren blurted out.

Levi arched an eyebrow as he gave a soft snort. “Oh?”

“Not those kind of dreams.” Eren specified and the expression on his face told Levi that this was no joking matter.

“I mean, I had dreams about you before that night. The night in the bar when we met.”

Levi’s brows furrowed as he listened to Eren, he searched the boy’s face for any sign of dishonesty. Was Eren testing him or pulling his leg?

“It felt so real.” Eren lowered his voice, “I didn’t think it was anything though until I met you.”

“...What were they about?” Levi asked decided to go along with this insane idea.

“It was about us. We were soldiers, I think. You died.” Eren paused, “You risked your life to save mine.”

Levi blinked, he could almost picture the scene in his mind as Eren spoke. He felt a pang in his chest at the thought. “It was probably a fluke.”

“How could that be a fluke or a coincidence?” Eren pressed.

“I don’t know. Do I look like a psychiatrist to you?”

Eren shook his head slightly becoming quiet.

Levi took his hand giving it a small squeeze. “Listen...if this is going to work then you’ve got to be discreet.”

Eren smiled raising a hand to his head in a salute. “Aye, aye captain.”

“I can’t treat you any differently than the other trainees.” Levi released Eren’s hand and stood. Clearing his throat, he straightened his shirt which had become a bit crinkled by their unexpected passionate moment.

“Does this mean I have to call you Captain Levi?” Eren asked teasingly.

“That would be Captain Ackerman to you.” Levi corrected him with a small smirk.

His eyes wandered over Eren’s body and he bit down upon his lower lip trying to control his imagination which was beginning to run rampant as he thought about all the things he could do to Eren now.

He’d only had one relationship before now. Besides that, his sexual encounters were scattered and consisted of one night stands. He couldn’t simply treat Eren as he had those meaningless partners. The boy he was looking at now was different and he deserved something special.

Besides, he didn’t want Eren to get the wrong impression and think that he had agreed to this solely because he wanted in his pants though that was certainly a bonus.

Levi was fine with waiting though, he wanted Eren to feel comfortable when they finally did it.

He never really put so much thought into it with anyone else, but Eren was different. It was a fact that he had known from the first time he laid eyes on him.

~ ~ ~

EREN POV

Acting discreet proved to be more difficult than Eren could have ever imagined. He hadn’t expected it to physically hurt when Levi was so close yet Eren had to restrain from touching him. It was truly maddening though and Levi wasn’t oblivious to that.

In fact, Levi seemed to enjoy watching Eren fumble and struggle to keep a cool head as he slipped in casual innuendos into conversation or during training. He’d get a mischievous sort of glint in his eyes whenever he’d ‘accidentally’ brush up against Eren. 

Nothing made Eren squirm more than that. Levi’s touch was electrifying in some ways, it would send a shock or chill down Eren’s spine and into his crotch which seemed to be consistently aching these days.

Any time they’d get close to doing it though, Levi would force them to slow down. He apparently wanted this to be ‘special’ despite Eren’s insistence that it would be special even if they were hiding behind a dumpster. He just wanted to feel Levi do more than make out with him. He wanted every inch of him.

The only moments they were able to share alone were late at night whenever Eren wasn’t on fire guard duty. It was then that Levi and Eren were able to spend time together without having to worry about keeping up their little act.

They had even developed a plan. Eren would sneak away when fireguard shifts were being switched so he seemed less suspicious. He would go to Levi’s place where the unlocked door would be waiting for him. More often than not, Eren was hardly able to get fully into the room before Levi had his hands tangled in his hair and his mouth captured in a kiss.

However, Eren didn’t find himself being tugged across the threshold tonight. He had to tiptoe across it himself, and was surprised to find Levi was nowhere to be seen.

Frowning slightly, Eren glanced down at this watch which read nine o’ clock. He was on time so where was Levi? Had he forgotten? He couldn’t have.

Eren walked towards the bed before collapsing onto it with a sigh. He spread his arms out and stared at the ceiling, allowing himself to relax for the first time all day. Training had gotten even more hardcore the past couple days though Eren suspected that may be partially due to Levi who was overly enjoying his position.

Sinking into the mattress, Eren found himself not wanting to move. It was ten times more comfortable than his own bed. Just as he was about to drift off, the sound of a door opening made him almost tumble onto the floor.

“Relax, kid. It’s just me.” Levi smirked slightly.

“Where were you?” Eren asked.

“Sorry, didn’t realize it was past my curfew.” Levi’s voice dripped with sarcasm.

Rolling his eyes, Eren sat up and watched as Levi walked across the room whilst slowly removing his shirt.

Eren blinked, his eyes widening slightly at the sight and his mouth falling agape. Even though it wasn’t his first time seeing it, Levi’s bare figure was something he had yet to become accustomed to.

“L-long day?” He asked, clearing his throat and trying to keep himself in check.

“Really long.” Levi’s eyes flickered to Eren’s pants.

Blushing, Eren glanced away avoiding any eye contact.

Levi straddled his hips, turning his face until it was unavoidable. Their eyes met and Eren temporarily forgot how to breathe. It wasn’t until his lungs began to burn that he finally sucked in a gasp of air which earned him a strange look from Levi.

“You took my breath away.” Eren explained with a smirk.

“You’re an idiot.” Levi murmured underneath his breath though Eren caught the fleeting smile that the older man had tried to conceal.

Eren slyly slipped his arms around Levi’s waist and gently pulled him closer. “What was that? I didn’t hear you.” The smirk was still plastered on his face as he leaned up and began kissing Levi’s pale skin.

Though Levi tried to be nonchalant about it, Eren knew that he liked his neck being kissed.

“You’re an idiot.” Levi repeated through gritted teeth, he was squirming slightly now.

If anyone else had called Eren that, he probably would have pummeled them to the ground. Levi somehow managed to almost make it sound like a cute pet name though and Eren was growing fond of the names Levi had given him.

“What are you doing, brat?”

That was one of his favorites. “What does it look like I’m doing?”

“It looks like you’re about to jump out of your pants.” Levi replied.

Eren pulled back. “Then why don’t you take them off for me?”

Levi tilted his head slightly to the side, looking down at Eren with amusement for a moment before obliging. He hooked a finger into Eren’s belt loop giving it a teasing tug. “You forget who the authority is, kid? You don’t give me orders.”

Eren blinked. “Did you forget we’re not training anymore?”

“I didn’t forget.” Levi said.

Before Eren even had time to open his mouth, he felt two firm hands press against his chest and forcefully push him into the mattress. “Levi!” He gasped, his heart suddenly beating faster.

“But it seems like you forget that I’m your captain wherever we are.”

Eren bit down upon his lower lip as he melted beneath Levi’s heavy lidded gaze. “Remind me then.”

“When I’m done with you, you won’t be able to forget.” Levi flipped Eren’s body over in one swift motion as if he weighed near to nothing.

Eren squeezed his eyes shut bracing himself for whatever was to come next, but a rapping on the door made both of them freeze. Levi grabbed Eren by the collar of his shirt yanking him out of bed so rapidly that it made the brunette dizzy. Suddenly, he was being pushed him into the closet where Eren was immersed into darkness.

Panting, he cupped one hand over his mouth to stifle the sound of his heavy breathing and placed the other hand over his chest where his heart was fluttering nervously. Nobody had interrupted them before and Levi had sworn nobody ever would.

Peeking through the gap between the doors, Eren spied on what was going on outside the closet. 

Levi slipped into his shirt and hastily smoothed it out before tucking the hem of it into his pants. He ran a hand through his hair as he answered the door.

Standing outside was a man who appeared to be in his fifties. He supported half his weight on a cane, his thin mouth formed half a smile.

“Brown.” He greeted the man with a salute.

Eren’s eyes widened. That was Brown? Why was he here?

“At ease, Ackerman.”

Levi dropped his hand to his side. “Would you...like to come in, sir?”

Brown stepped inside and glanced around, “I’ll be holding a meeting tomorrow to provide more information and inform the others, but I wanted you to know first. You’ve served me well as a fellow soldier and friend, Ackerman. It’s because of this that I didn’t feel right springing such news on you in the middle of a lecture. He paused looking at Levi before continuing,

“You’re needed overseas.”


	17. No better way to celebrate

EREN POV

 

Eren stared at Brown, waiting for him to laugh as if it was all a joke. It had to be.

Brown wasn’t laughing though, there wasn’t even the smallest trace of a smile on his wrinkled face. “We can finish the month, that will complete at least a couple classes’ training. Those that graduate at top of their class from basic will be assigned to their specialities and sent with you.”

Moving his attention to Levi, Eren strained to see his face. He couldn’t, but even then, he could imagine how it must look.

“Ackerman.” Brown cleared his throat.

“Sir.” Levi answered.

“I’ll see you at the meeting tomorrow. We’ll discuss more of this then.” He gave Levi a reassuring pat on the shoulder as he moved past him.

Once Eren could be sure that Brown had left, he slowly opened the door and stepped out. “Levi.” He whispered in a hushed tone.

Coming out of his hiding place, Eren kept eyes on Levi whose face was paler than usual. For a moment, they stared at one another. Both processing what had been said and what it meant for their future. 

“What?!” Levi snapped, whipping his head in Eren’s direction.

Eren froze for a moment before closing the remaining distance between them, he reached out a hand towards Levi who flinched away.

“Levi.” Eren took his hand gently, rubbing a thumb in circles around Levi’s palm.

“What?” The raven haired man sighed.

“It’ll be okay.” Eren promised, “I’m one of the top in class, right? Or-or I can be! I’ll come with you and-”

Levi shook his head, pulling away from Eren’s grasp. “You think that makes this any better? Any easier?” He growled. You’re the last person I want there, Eren!” 

As the words left Levi’s lips and hung heavy in the silent air between them, Eren faltered. His breath stilled in his lungs as his own words failed him. He swallowed the sentence he had been about to say and took a small step backwards.

“I thought we agreed that we could do this together.” Eren’s eyes had dropped to the tile floor, his vision swimming as he refrained from crying. There was no certainty of whether or not he felt angry that Levi seemed to be giving up or if he was heartbroken that what Levi was giving up on happened to be him.

“We are and we will, but from a distance. I won’t allow you to come overseas with me.” Levi’s voice wavered, cracking ever so slightly upon mentioning ‘overseas’.

Eren knew this would take a toll on one of them more than the other, but they were tied together now. Fates and hearts intertwined, intimacy like such could never be destroyed, right? So, they could survive being apart. However, Eren didn’t want to. If Levi was traveling halfway across the world then Eren would make that journey too. If his other half was charging into battle then Eren would be by his side with a battle cry.

It didn’t matter how far Levi traveled or the dangers that he would face because he didn’t have to do anything alone anymore. The fact that he was trying to despite knowing Eren was willing to be there felt like a punch to the gut. It almost scared Eren to think that his partner was fighting to do such things by himself because perhaps that’s what he truly wanted to be — alone. 

“If I’m top of the class then you can’t stop me.” Eren still clung to him like a child, his fists clenched at his sides. His eyes burning with determination to protect who mattered to him even if that someone didn’t want him.

“Kid…” He stared at Eren. “I can’t constantly be keeping an eye on you. This is a war and I can’t play babysitter all day.” 

“I’m not asking you to.” Eren straightened his back, standing tall. “I don’t need you to protect me.”

“I know.” Levi whispered, lowering his head. “I didn’t think they needed protection either.” 

That’s when it clicked that though Eren had been worried of their future, Levi was stuck in his past. The inescapable one that haunted him every night which he would continually deny, but Eren had seen it happen before. Levi jolting awake, spluttering as he attempted to root himself to the ground. 

“I told you already. I’m not like them and I’ll prove it to you.” Eren said, his voice strong and steady. “I can handle this, Levi. You won’t have to worry about me.”

Levi already looked worried though. 

“You’re not going to lose me.”

They both knew it was a possibility. 

“You have me.”

Levi raised his eyes to look at Eren who now had his hands resting on both the shorter man’s shoulders.

“Together?” Eren asked.

Levi swallowed, giving a short nod. “Together.” He responded as he rose up on his toes and pressed his lips to Eren’s.

 

~ One Month Later ~ 

 

The bright red substance was sticking to his hands, staining his skin. He could hear his own breath becoming more ragged as his surroundings seemed to blur and the only thing-person-that was in focus was…

“Levi!” Eren gasped out as he noticed the sword that had impaled the man lying before him. 

“I’m glad you didn’t die with them…” Levi whispered, a fleeting smile flashed across his face.

“No!” Eren‘s eyes burst open, his body suddenly sitting straight up in his bed.

He hadn’t had a dream like that ever since he arrived at camp. For it to reoccur so suddenly, it sent Eren’s head for a tailspin. It was dizzying and nauseating to even think of the horrors he had just witnessed. Not only did he see them, it felt as though he had lived them. 

Eren debated telling Levi, but decided against it. He had already tried confessing before, and it wasn’t received as a serious issue. In fact, Levi had brushed them off as nothing more than dreams which they were solely that, right?

“You okay?” Matt’s sleepy voice came from above.

“Fine.” Eren replied.

They both knew that Eren was lying as he spoke, his voice had cracked and he had more than likely shaken the entire bed frame with how he woke up so abruptly.

Even so, neither one said another word. It wasn’t uncommon for silence to fill the space between them, though it certainly wasn’t enjoyable. Eren had tried to return to as they were before the attack which he partially blamed Matt for, but it was proving difficult. Forgiving had been easy once they actually decided to be growns up and talk through it, forgetting was not so easily done though. 

They never were able to fully return to how they were, but perhaps this was better. It may be quieter, bit was also happier though. There was a silent sense of understanding between the two and a comfort there that was built on trust. Something Eren had once lost in Matt, but he knew it was unfair to hate him for trying to introduce Eren to his other friends.

Besides, he has figured that if he were to be leaving overseas then he might as well leave with a clear head and a guilt free conscious. Not like he had done anything wrong, but Eren wanted closure, especially with Matt.

Matt had been his first friend in this hell hole and had become his battle buddy. They were like family now and though Eren didn’t know much about family, he did know that abandoning the people you loved most was never the answer.

It wasn’t in his nature nor was it moral of him as a soldier to practice abandonment. Basic Training had taught him that there should be no man left behind and it had become a personal code of his even if BCT was coming to an end.

“Rise and shine, shit heads!” One of Eren’s favorite drill sergeants who they referred to as Big D. Everyone scrambled out of bed immediately and stood at parade rest with heads held high.

“You know what today is?” Big D addressed the entire room.

“Graduation day, drill sergeant!” They all answered in unison.

“That’s right, but don’t think that means you can slack off.” Big D’s dark eyes scanned the room. “Get dressed. I expect you all outside in fifteen.”

As he got ready, Eren found himself remembering the details of everything he had endured the past ten weeks. The early mornings, the intense workouts, bonding exercises, team building trips, night training, shooting a gun for the first time, sneaking into Levi’s room…

He was going to miss it. Every moment.

He may even miss the food which he had compared to slug slime and horse shit in the past...okay, perhaps he wouldn’t miss it that much.

After having shrugged out of his pajamas, Eren donned navy blue pants paired with a white button down which he tucked into his waistband before topping it all off with a blazer that matched the pants. He grabbed a cap and tugged it over his messy hair, feeling thankful that he could hide the bed head that he was too lazy to brush.

The boys of Eren’s barrack filed out of the building in an organized line and joined the rest of the platoon that were graduating that day.

The ceremony was brief, but nobody seemed to complain. Once each of them had received their badges, they were allowed to see their families. Eren awkwardly watched as he was surrounded by reunions, mother’s crying, dad’s proudly beaming. 

The smile that had been plastered on his face almost all day began to falter as he began to remember his old foster homes. Where were his foster parents now? What were they doing? Did they remember him? If so, did they ever think about him? If they knew what he was doing, would they have come today with a bouquet of flowers and open arms?

Eren wasn’t sure if he even would have wanted his foster parents present, but he could fantasize about having a moment of his own when loved ones came rushing to his side exclaiming praise. Despite not having anybody there specifically for him, Eren didn’t feel completely left out.

Matt’s entire family had come to see him graduate and they were ecstatic to meet the Eren whom apparently Matt had mentioned several times in his letters to home. 

With three brothers and two sisters, Matt certainly had a lot of support that day. Eren would never say so aloud, but there was a twinge of jealousy that stirred inside him as he watched Matt ramble about basic to the younger ones. 

“Smile, brat. You did well.” A voice came from behind him. Turning around, Eren found Levi standing there with a small grin playing across the edges of his lips.

And suddenly, Eren’s insecurities vanished.

Eren’s smile crept back onto his face as he looked down at Levi. It was then that Eren realized just how handsome he looked in a uniform.

“You know, you look good in a uniform.” Eren voiced his thoughts aloud.

Levi chuckled, “As do you.” His eyes gave Eren a quick once over.

“As much as I like you in it though…” Eren leaned close. “I can’t wait to rip you out of it.” He whispered.

Keeping a controlled expression, Levi raised a singular eyebrow. “Is that so?”

Eren gave a short nod.

“What better way to celebrate?” Levi smirked slightly. “Come to my place later. Usual time.”

~ ~ ~

Should Eren have been asleep? Most definitely.

Was he? Definitely not.

In fact, Eren was tip toeing across the camp towards Levi’s place. Thankfully, night patrol had a tendency to slack off sometimes. 

Opening the door quietly, Eren stepped inside. As he turned though, he found the room to be filled with candles. Enveloping the space with a beautiful warm glow. 

Eren’s jaw dropped slightly as he glanced around in surprise. “What’s all this?” 

“Happy graduation day, Eren.” Levi replied from the bed where he sat, looking a bit flustered. “The candles are faked but I snuck some cookies from the cafeteria and drove thirty minutes out to find this.” He held up a bottle of whiskey. 

“Whiskey.” Eren smiled, taking the bottle.

“It’s what we both drank on the night we met.” Levi said, speaking softly as he watched Eren carefully. 

“I know it’s stup-” 

“It’s perfect.” Eren interrupted before tackling Levi in a hug. 

For a moment, Levi was stiff in the boy’s arms and then he relaxed. “Not by any means.” 

“It is to me.” Eren pulled away after a moment and glanced around once more to take everything in before he looked back to Levi. 

“I have something for you.” Levi walked over to the bed and grabbed the box that he had been sitting beside. 

Eren took it curiously and opened it to find a pin.   
It was a circular golden broach that read, ‘We fight for what is right.’

“It belonged to Maverick...my squad leader. It was something he used to say all the time and his brother had a pin made for him. He never took it off.” 

“I-I can’t take this from you.” Eren tried to give it back, but Levi refused.

“It was my most prized possession for a while, but I want you to have it now.” 

“But why me? 

Levi rolled his eyes. “Who else?”

Eren swallowed hard, shoving the pin into his pocket so that he could grab Levi’s face with both hands and pull him into a kiss. 

They stayed like that for a moment with lips touching and eyes closed until Levi pulled apart. He tugged Eren towards the bed which they both fell onto. 

“Eren, do you want me?” 

“Always.” Eren replied. 

Hearing that, Levi pulled a condom from his back pocket. 

Eren’s eyes widened, “You-You mean…?”

Levi nodded, “Only if you want to.”

“I do.”


	18. Author’s Note

Hey everyone, I wanted to personally apologize for my inactivity. I’ve been going through a break up recently and it has hindered my ability to focus on writing. I will be returning with a new chapter very soon and hope you will continue to read this story. Thank you for your patience!


	19. A night to remember

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys ~ I have finally returned and I come bearing smut! Hope it was worth the wait <3

EREN POV

As the words left his lips, it was as if a barrier between them broke. Levi appeared somewhat surprised at the response, his dark slender eyebrows twitching upwards in interest. 

“Are you sure?” He asked, a tenderness to his tone that was rare to hear from him.

“I want you.” Eren tugged at the camouflage uniform, squeezing the flexed biceps beneath it. He had been itching to tear these clothes off and reveal the man underneath since this morning.

Hell, his desire had been building for much longer than that. Despite their consistent late night visits, the two had never ventured further than kissing and occasionally groping or grinding against the other. The anticipation to intertwine himself with Levi and be claimed completely as his was boiling to the surface once again.

Thankfully, it seemed as though his needs were about to be fulfilled. 

Placing a hand on either side of Eren’s head, Levi leaned downwards until their lips came into contact. It was a mere graze though, and Eren could feel his shoulders sag in disappointment at the overwhelming sense of lacking. 

“Are you going to kiss me like you mean it or-“ He began, but his final word was swallowed as Levi collided into him. 

This time, there was no hesitation from either of them. There only existed a pressure of growing intensity as each allowed their emotions to compel their movements. Eren grappled at the body on top of his, stripping Levi shirtless.

Despite having seen Levi bare chested before, the sight still managed to cause an increase in Eren’s pulse. “You’re better.” He exhaled. 

“What?” 

“You’re more muscular than before.” Eren clarified. 

Levi snorted as he carefully removed the vest and button up adorning Eren. “So are you.” 

It may have been the compliment or perhaps the heat radiating off their bodies, but Eren felt his face flush. 

Slender fingers reached out, caressing Eren’s abdomen and causing goosebumps to crawl up his arms. Greedy hips bucked upwards, begging for more than a touch. He wanted to be consumed. 

Hastily, Eren shimmied out of his pants which were then followed by his underwear. An action of desperation that had previously blinded him to any fear, but the realization of having his fully grown erection exposed had Eren’s nerves suddenly causing him to freeze up. 

He could practically feel Levi’s eyes shifting to gaze at the naked body before him. Eren flinched at the silence filling the air, praying that he wasn’t proving to be any less than what Levi had expected. 

“I know I’m probably not..”

“What?” Levi prompted.

Eren looked away, focusing on anything else besides Levi’s face. “I’m sorry if I’m not, you know, like the others.” 

That’s when he felt a firm hand cup his chin, turning it until he was staring at the man he had been so afraid to be rejected by. 

“Eren, there are no others. There was one other, but that was a long time ago. Honestly, kid, you are way better than he ever could have hoped to be.” Levi grabbed a bottle of lube from the bedside table before removing his own bottoms. 

Eren couldn’t help feeling a bit daunted as his eyes traveled over the length in front of him. Even so, he reached out a steady hand and curled his fingers around Levi’s shaft. 

The pale cock twitched against his palm as Levi moaned quietly. The reaction only encouraged him to press on, and so Eren decided to try a single stroke upwards. Another groan. 

A smirk spread across his lips as he realized just how much he liked this. It was such an empowering sight to see the toughest man that Eren had ever known be brought to his knees and melt before his eyes due to a single touch. It was all too good.

For a couple moments, Eren continued the same movement until he couldn’t restrain his curiosity. He wondered what Levi’s reaction would be if he did this- With that question in mind, Eren pressed his tongue flat against the underside of Levi’s tip before flicking it up and across the sensitive slit on top. 

Levi’s knees wobbled as he inhaled sharply, grabbing the bed for support. “Dammit..You got a lot of nerve to tease me like this.” 

Opening wide, Eren closed his lips around the top before sinking lower until he was gagging. He didn’t pull away though and soon enough, he was in a rhythm as he bobbed his head. 

He could hear Levi hissing through gritted teeth, soft expletives falling from his parted lips as he entangled fingers into Eren’s hair and pushed him further down. 

Eren groaned each time he was forced to engulf Levi’s cock. The tip continually hitting the back of his throat and causing tears to prickle at the corners of his eyes. 

“F-Fuck.” Levi stuttered breathlessly, his frame trembling as he released a hot shot of cum into Eren’s mouth. 

Though Eren was inexperienced at pleasing others, he knew his own tastes. He hoped Levi would share this one..Swallowing the semen in one gulp, Eren glanced up at his partner whose expression had clouded with lust. 

Eren couldn’t help, but feel pride swell within him at the look of shock on Levi’s face. He wanted to keep surprising him, and that’s exactly what he would do. Taking Levi’s wrist, he removed the male’s fingers from his hair and instead placed them in his mouth where he began suckling on each digit individually. 

He didn’t get through all of them before Levi was shoving him by the shoulders onto the bed and flipping his torso over in a single fluid motion.

“Levi!” Eren gasped, glancing over his shoulder at the man who poised his saliva slicked fingers at the boy’s entrance.

Eren wiggled backwards, giving Levi a brief nod to signal that he was ready.

Without skipping a beat, Levi slid his index into the puckered hole. The intrusion had Eren grimacing at the burning sensation of skin stretching. It continued to hurt for another minute or two as Levi slowly moved around. It wasn’t until he hooked upwards that Eren’s pain transformed into pleasure.

“Wha-What did you just do?” Eren breathed, his body stiff from the new sensitive angle that Levi was exploring. 

Levi said nothing as he began to rub circles around the bundle of nerves inside Eren that had him seeing stars. “Shit, Levi..Whatever you’re doing, don’t stop.” He pleaded, relishing in the pleasure coursing through him. 

After a couple minutes of Levi working away at that same spot, something began to tug in his lower abdomen and towards his groin. Eren could feel himself teetering on the edge of ecstacy and Levi must have noticed too. Instead of pushing on though, he ceased all movement.

Eren groaned loudly at the loss of Levi’s fingers leaving his ass. His cock twitched against the mattress, pulsing and aching for a release. He didn’t mourn the lack of being filled up for long though.

A cold lubricated mass that Eren could only suspect was Levi’s dick rubbed along his cheeks which were spread wide. “Tell me if it hurts too much.” Levi whispered.

Squeezing his eyes shut, Eren clenched the sheets tightly whilst bracing for the pain. Two hands grasped his hips tightly, holding them in place before thrusting forward.

Eren’s face twisted, a low whimper escaping him as he tensed at the intrusion. Inch by inch, he could feel himself being stuffed to the brim. 

“Levi…” He panted, his face bright red as he attempted to control his breathing.

The hands holding his waist loosened slightly. “Are you okay?” There it was-that tenderness again. 

“Fine. I want you to fuck me...like you mean it.” Eren whispered.

There was a pause. 

A silence. 

And then the gentle side Levi had shown before disappeared. It was swept away by the lustful words Eren had spoken and replaced with someone much different who thrusted forward with no warning. 

Eren dropped his face into the bed, a deep guttural groan falling from his lips 

Levi rammed into him again, drawing out another lewd noise from the brunette before taking a fistful of Eren’s hair and yanking his head back. He slid the other hand up sweaty skin, pressing his palm against the base of the other’s tail bone.

Leaning up, Levi kissed along Eren’s exposed neck. It was enough stimulation to have Eren garbling incomprehensible words as the edges of his vision blurred. The way he was being grinded into, he could feel Levi hitting the same spot he had earlier. 

It was the very same because nothing else could bring Eren such pleasure. Eyes rolling into the back of his head, he wished to collapse. He thought he would, but he kept a steady position on his hands and knees despite their trembling.

It wasn’t until Levi reached around to wrap a hand around his leaking cock that Eren finally gave out. He slumped forward almost immediately as he was touched and allowed himself to slip into euphoria. 

The two became a moaning mess as they both finished. Levi had to pry his sticky self off Eren who was convinced he had just died and gone to heaven. 

He felt the bed shift as Levi lied next to him. “So, was that convincing enough?”

“Hmm?” 

“Did I convince you that I meant it?” Levi explained.

“Oh, yeah.” Eren grinned, turning his head so that he could look at Levi who was also smiling. 

“Good.” He stood. “I’m going to shower. You made me all dirty..in the best way though.” 

“Want me to join you?” Eren perked up at the possibilities a steamy shower could provide.

Levi simply shook his head though. “Sleep. I won’t be long.” 

Eren watched that gorgeous ass walk away from him. The moment felt so casual between them- how Levi had scampered off to shower and left Eren to fall asleep with the promise that he would return. 

It felt right. 

Eren didn’t know it then, but that night would be the last he felt content in a long time. 

~ ~ ~

LEVI POV

Levi met with Brown in his office the following morning. War memorabilia was strung about the room in form of photographs, flags, patches, and medals.

The desk that Brown sat behind was stacked with several books and piles of paperwork covered in dust. A sight that had Levi’s hand twitching to find a rag and clean everything. 

“I understand you must have some questions about the news I delivered to you last month.” Brown said, reclined in his chair with one hand propping up his head.

“I figured you would have come to me sooner.” Levi folded his arms. He had been impatiently awaiting why Brown had suddenly asked him to go overseas. 

“I’m a busy man. I wanted to meet with you sooner, but details had to be discussed first.” Brown explained.

“Why would I be called into active duty right now? Cruz sent me here to train.”

“We’ve received word of a hostage situation in Afghanistan.”

Levi was tempted to ask why that concerned him though he held his tongue and decided upon a different approach. “Hostage situation?”

Brown gave a nod. “Men that have been missing in action or were previously believed to be deceased have been found.”

“Why are we just now learning about this?”

“We had stopped searching after an extended period of time. The probability of them being found had diminished greatly. It was a waste of resources to continue the search.”

Levi lowered his head slightly as he allowed himself to process everything that he was hearing. “Why me?” He asked after a moment.

Pursing his lips, Brown scooted his chair forward. His demeanor which had been somewhat relaxed before had shifted to one more serious. 

“Why me?” Levi repeated. 

“We have reason to believe that your old comrade, Charlie, is alive.”

Levi’s body instinctively stiffened at the mention of the familiar name. “You’re mistaken.” 

“Ackerman.” Brown’s voice made Levi pause.

“With all due respect, you’re mistaken. I remember that day far better than I’d like to. Charlie was killed before my eyes-“ 

“A man who bears a similar appearance to Charlie and wears his dog tag was found at a camp in the middle east.”

Levi shook his head. It didn’t seem possible for Charlie to have lived.

He could have sworn that his friend had died that day along with the rest of his squad. Perhaps he hadn’t gotten close enough to know for sure though. He had only seen Charlie from a distance. Blood splattered across his face...

“Whether Charlie is one of the hostages or not, you are the most adequate person for this task.” Brown watched Levi closely, awaiting an answer.

“When do I leave?”

“You’ll be deployed in four days.” 

Levi nodded slowly. “I’ll be ready.”

“You’ll have to be.”


	20. A soldier, at last

EREN POV

When Levi returned from Brown’s office, he was quieter than usual. No matter how Eren pushed though, he couldn’t get the man to talk. 

He could only assume his partner’s inexplicable silence had to be a matter concerning the deployment that Brown had asked of him. Eren knew it wasn’t an easy thing to accept considering Levi’s previous time overseas. He had a plan though and it was one he had been working on for a while now.

If Levi was leaving then he wouldn’t be going alone. Eren planned to be by his side and if he had been successful in becoming one of the highest ranked cadets then he’d be on that plane. 

~ ~ 

There were very few moments in Eren’s life that he could recall feeling proud of himself, but the day he was announced for deployment was certainly one of them. 

It was the realization that he had succeeded in being a soldier. It hadn’t felt real to him before, not even when he had sworn in. Now, it was dawning on Eren that he had finally accomplished his life long goal. 

Levi, however, was not nearly as pleased. 

“I’m fine.” Levi insisted, his voice cracking like a whip as he pushed past Eren.

The snap of his words caused Eren to flinch away before he chased after Levi who was surprisingly fast for someone with such short legs. 

“You don’t look fine.” Eren said pointedly, his eyes watching the other male with concern. 

“Then stop looking.” 

Eren’s steps slowed for a moment before he picked up the pace until he was in sync with Levi’s swift stride once again.

Reaching out with one hand, Eren blocked Levi and forced him to a halt. “I know you’re scared-”

“I’m not scared.” Levi scoffed at the idea.

Eren knew better though, he could see the lines of worry prominent upon his lover’s face and those dark eyes were refusing to look into his own.

“That’s a bunch of bullshit.” 

“Excuse me?”

“With all due respect, that’s a bunch of bullshit.” 

Levi finally raised his head, his eyes narrowed as they stared at Eren. His mouth was pulled into a thin line which typically he meant that he was holding back words. 

“How are you not happy? I worked my ass off to get this spot and I got it!” Eren grabbed Levi’s hand.

“I have work to do. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He spoke slowly after a moment then proceeded to duck under Eren’s extended arm and continue hurrying towards the sergeants barracks. 

Eren watched him stalk off and sighed, he knew that the mission they were asked to do would be difficult for everyone involved.

He also knew it would be especially stress inducing for Levi whose last deployment had been exceptionally hard on him. 

Levi had lost his entire squad, his friends, his second family, and it had all been done in a matter of minutes. The trauma that happened there had followed Levi like a shadow even after he returned to America. 

It was the same trauma that seemed to be clouding his mind with fear now. Even if Levi didn’t know it, Eren had become better at reading him.

Or at least, he liked to think that he had. 

Truthfully, Levi could sometimes feel more like a stranger to him than anything else. 

The man seemed to be a professional at hiding his emotions considering Eren had to often question if he even had any.

That question was answered whenever Levi was alone with Eren. Together, in private, they both seemed to find a sense of comfort in the other.

Levi must be afraid of losing that just as much as Eren was.

He wouldn’t lose it though. He wouldn’t lose Levi and he’d make sure that Levi wouldn’t lose him either. 

It was a promise that he’d make to himself. He’d live by that promise every single day overseas. 

The promise that he’d stay alive and keep alive as well. 

~ ~

Eren awoke early the following morning along with the others in his barrack that would be departing under Brown’s command. 

There were only a few, Matt included, that rose with Eren and began to pack their belongings. 

Some of them shuffled around in a state of sleepiness, but Eren was wide awake. His brain was moving too quickly as he thought about the long day ahead. 

Having not seen Levi since he stormed off yesterday, Eren wondered if he’d be in a better mood today. 

By the looks of it, Levi wasn’t.

It may have been just the hard ass expression he’d put on whenever he was in sergeant mode, but Eren couldn’t be sure. 

“Combat roles, line up!” Levi called attention to everyone and those with combative MOS’s began to quickly form a line.

Eren stood amongst the other soldiers committed to infantry, his eyes watched the captain unwavering. 

The bus that would begin their long day of travel would be arriving soon and Eren was practically bouncing with excitement. 

Adrenaline was coursing through his veins as he thought about where he had been only a couple months prior. A struggling student, paying for a shitty apartment with a part time job, and his only friend was the alcohol he’d purchase with a fake id. 

Four months later, he was a soldier now. A man who found friends and even found someone to be something more. Above all, he found a purpose. He found a reason to live. 

He smiled to himself and was still grinning like a goofy idiot when the bus arrived. 

Everyone boarded the vehicle quickly and quietly. Levi was the last to get on and sat in the passenger seat beside the driver. Sitting in the very back, Eren peeked his head out from behind the seat in front of him to catch a glance of Levi.

He wanted nothing more than to walk up and kiss the man, but he knew that would result in Levi’s dismissal as well as his own and he was not about to screw this up for either of them.

Instead, Eren leaned back in his seat and tried to enjoy the ride. Less than an hour later, he was about to jump out of his seat. He hated sitting still for so long. He kept trying to distract his hands by fidgeting with the zipper on his rucksack. 

Even so, it wasn’t enough to keep Eren entertained the whole drive which lasted almost three hours. 

Thank God, he thought as they all piled out of the bus and entered the airport. 

A group of soldiers moving throughout the airport in uniform certainly drew some attention. A new concept that Eren hadn’t quite gotten used to. In high school and even at his job, he was used to keeping his head down low. 

Nobody noticed him and he liked it that way considering the school he went to was filled with assholes. 

They were stared at from the moment they entered the building, through security, and on the way to their gate. 

People seemed to start minding their own business then. Or at least they did for a bit- and then…

“Hello…?” 

Eren, who had been playing a game on his phone, looked up to see a little girl standing in front of him. 

If he had to guess, she appeared to be five. She was wearing bright colored leggings that matched her dress and her blonde hair had been pulled into pigtails. 

“Hello.” He smiled at her, setting his phone to the side. 

“Are you a soldier?” She asked, pointing at his uniform. 

Eren nodded, “I am.” 

Her big blue eyes widened and he smiled at the awe struck look on her face.

“Have you ever killed somebody?” 

“No.” Eren laughed.

“What do you do then?” 

“I help fight the bad guys.” He answered.

“How?” She asked, tilting her head to the side. 

“Well...I’m an infantryman. I work with a team to protect people like you.” He gently poked her stomach and she giggled before reaching out to prod at his knee with her little finger. 

“Ah!” Eren feigned surprise and grabbed at his knee as if he had been injured causing the girl to laugh some more. 

“Lily, there you are!” A blonde rushed over, she seemed to be an older version of this little girl whose name he now knew to be Lily. Eren assumed it must be her mother.

“I am so sorry.” The woman apologized to Eren who simply shook his head.

“It’s okay.” He reassured her and smiled at Lily once more who leaned forward giving him a hug. 

Eren blinked slightly surprised, but hugged back gently before releasing her to her mom. 

“Mommy, when I grow up, can I be a soldier?” He heard Lily ask as they walked away. 

“Maybe.” He heard the mother reply.

Eren leaned back in his chair, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. This was his purpose...to fight for and protect people like Lily.


	21. The final days

EREN POV 

Eren had always wondered how he would die. As a kid growing up in the foster system, he had never been sheltered from the reality of how the world worked. People were born, they lived, and then they died. It was a concept that he had learned at a younger age than most. 

To him, death was a fact. Eren knew that it would happen to him eventually, but he never imagined it would happen like this. 

Perhaps he had imagined staring into the eyes of someone he loved, but he hadn’t thought that he’d be doing so with such a twisted feeling of betrayal in his gut.

It was those drawn out moments of staring into the icy blue eyes that he once trusted and would forever love that had to hurt the most. 

The crushing of bones, ringing of ears, and not being able to breathe… The agony that followed, dragging out strangled cries from his sore throat seemed dull in comparison to the ache in Eren’s heart. 

Eren always wondered how he would die. He never imagined it would happen like this.

 

~ Five Days Before ~ 

 

Being in the middle of nowhere with only miles of sand in every direction proved to be one of the most torturous experiences that Eren has had. How was one supposed to entertain themselves in a deserted desert? 

Levi had his own ideas which Eren had no qualms about except for the need to be quiet. Tents didn’t exactly have sound proof walls or any walls for that matter. 

Besides the occasional secret sex though, the days were filled with the only sort of stimulation that Eren could think of.

Slamming his hand down upon the table, he beat Matt before he was able to do the same. 

Matt threw up his hands in defeat. “What the hell?! How do you keep doing that?” 

A cheeky smile spread across Eren’s face as he scraped all the cards towards himself with a grin of victory playing across his lips. “I’ve had a lot of practice.”

“Is there any card game you aren’t good at?” 

Eren feigned thoughtful thinking. “Well, let’s see...I whipped your ass at Go Fish, Poker, Bull and now Slap Jack..Nope! I’m pretty good at all of them.” 

Matt forced a hand through his hair which was slowly growing back. They had all been subjected to haircuts at basic, but it was returning now after a couple months.

A wave of nostalgia rolled over him as he began to think of their first couple weeks together at basic. 

“Remember that time we played a prank on Big D?” Eren started shuffling the cards for another game.

“You mean, when you played a prank on Big D?” Matt clarified, but Eren just shook his head.

“Don’t act so innocent, golden boy. You were my accomplice.”

“Unwillingly.”

“Totally willingly!” Eren reached across the table giving Matt’s shoulder a playful shove. “You were the one that had the idea!”

Matt laughed, “All I said was that it would be funny if we put spray can cheese-whiz under his helmet pads.”

“And it was hilarious!” Eren paused, “Until the wrong sergeant put it on.” 

Both of them shuddered involuntarily as they recalled the afternoon they spent doing push ups. 

“What about that one time when you tried to beat everyone during that ruck march?” Matt reminded him.

Eren internally winced. “Yeah..”

“You know that ruck marches aren’t races, right?” 

“Well, I do now.”

They both locked eyes for a moment before cracking up again. 

“And do you remember-“

That’s when Matt was cut off by Levi who came strolling over to Eren. “Meet in my tent.” He said before continuing on his way briskly.

Eren glanced at Matt who just wiggled his eyebrows jokingly. 

“Oh shut up.” Eren blushed at his friend’s teasing before running after Levi.

“Everything okay?” He asked once they were alone. 

Levi turned to face Eren, “Does something have to be wrong for me to talk to you?”

“No.” 

Levi stepped forward, grabbing the collar of Eren’s uniform and pulling him down until their lips met. 

Eren smiled into the kiss, he allowed his eyes to flutter closed as he leaned into Levi. It had been a full day since their last kiss which was far too long for both of them, but Eren could understand the need for a low profile. 

In that moment, though, he couldn’t care whether someone found them out right then and there. The general could have come walking in and Eren wouldn’t have stopped.

Slipping his hands downwards, he gave Levi’s ass a pat. 

Levi jumped up almost immediately and wound his legs around Eren’s waist. Holding him up, Eren walked them over to the bed where he laid Levi down on his back.

Straddling the shorter man, Eren parted from the kiss to look down at Levi who was panting slightly. He smirked a bit giving Eren a once over, “I like you in this position.” 

“Really? You typically like to be in charge.”

“Mmm.” Levi hummed, pursing his lips as he ran his hands up Eren’s thighs, “Don’t think I can’t take control even with you like that.”

Eren felt his cheeks grow hot at the thought, “I’d like to see you try, old man.” 

Levi snorted, “Shut your mouth, Jaeger.” 

“Make me.” 

And then they were connected at the lips once again.

“I love you.” Eren murmured, he hadn’t even meant to say it. It just slipped out, in between kisses, when all he could think about were those three words. He had thought them for a while now and they had finally pushed themselves from his mind to his mouth.

Levi stared up at Eren with wide eyes, “What?” 

Now, Eren wished someone could come by so that they'd be forced to rip away from each other and have this conversation later. Staring down at that face though with those sparkling eyes, he knew he had meant it. He loved Levi, he always had. 

“I really do. You’re the one person that has believed in me since the start and hasn’t abandoned me…Not really abandoned me.” 

Levi blinked, gently pushing Eren off of him so that he could sit up. He was silent as he buried his face in his hands for a moment. 

The worst sound in the world. Who knew silence could be so loud? 

“Kid…” Levi finally spoke, “You know I care about you.”

Those weren’t the words Eren wanted to hear. “But you don’t love me.”

“I don’t want to say anything just because you did.” Levi answered.

“Oh.” Eren swallowed hard, “Right. No, I get it…”

Levi reached over, ruffling his hair. “Come on. We don’t want to go missing for too long.” 

 

~ Three Days Before ~ 

 

Eren shoveled spoonfuls of soup down his throat, sucking it up like a bee would with honey. 

He could feel Levi’s judgemental stare on him as he ate with reckless abandon. 

Slowly, Eren turned his head to the glaring male and grinned. A small stream of soup escaped the corner of his mouth causing Levi to cringe. 

“Did anyone ever teach you this thing called manners?”

“Did anyone ever teach you what enjoyment looks like?” Eren shot back. 

Levi sighed, “Don’t talk with your mouth full.”

“You didn’t say that the other ni- Ow!” Eren choked as Levi smacked him over the head. 

“Ackerman.” The general greeted Levi who stood respectfully. 

“I need to meet with you for a moment.” He stated, shooting Eren a quick glance before walking away. Levi followed closely behind.

Eren watched the two until they disappeared from view then finished the rest of his meal with Matt. 

“I got a letter from my mom.” Matt said, poking at his food.

“Oh yeah?” Eren was only half listening. He stared at Levi’s tent, waiting for the general to leave. Once he had, Eren practically shot out of his chair. 

“Yeah. She actually wanted-“ 

“Matt, can we talk about this later? I gotta…” He pointed back towards Levi’s tent. 

Matt’s face fell slightly, but he nodded. “Yeah, sure.”

Eren gave his friend a clap on the back before taking off. He had a strange churning in his stomach that he wasn’t sure to blame on the beans or a gut instinct that something was off. 

“What did he want?” Eren asked as he stepped into the enclosure. 

“Don’t get your panties in a twist, kid. He was giving me an update on the hostages.” Levi was sitting on his cot, looking exhausted. 

“And?” 

“And now I’m going to sleep.” 

“What did he have to say?” 

Levi groaned, looking up at Eren who was standing over him with crossed arms. “They have their exact location pinned. They’re only twenty miles out.” 

Eren’s eyes widened. “What? Levi...That’s great! We can go get them.” 

“It’s not that simple.”

“Why not?” 

“Because they’re prisoners, Eren. They’ve been held captive for years. We have no idea the extent of how well they could be guarded.” 

“Are they going to check it out though?” 

“Of course. Now will you please shut up and let me hold you?” 

Eren sighed, not nearly satisfied enough with Levi’s answers. He could see that the ravenette was done talking though so he crawled onto the cot. It was a small space, but they cuddled close.

Close enough that Eren could hear the pitter patter of Levi’s heart. 

 

~ One Day Before ~ 

 

“You got everything?” Eren asked. 

“I’ve done this before, Eren.” Levi glanced over everything he had laid out on his cot. Two guns, a holster, a belt, a grenade, and a smoke bomb. 

“What about you?” He turned to face Eren. 

“Uh...yeah.” Eren answered, distracted.

That’s when he suddenly felt arms wrap around him and his muscles relaxed as he exhaled deeply. 

“We’re both going to be okay.” Levi whispered. 

Eren remembered the promise he had made to himself. He knew they would both be okay. He would make sure of it. “I know.” He whispered back. 

“I promise.” They said together.

He returned to his own tent that night to find Matt waiting for him. “Hey.” Eren said.

Matt watched him closely, not saying a word.

“What’s wrong?” Eren stared back, seeing how his friend’s shoulders sagged.

“I wanted to talk with you this morning.”

“Oh, right. Sorry. I was just-“

“With Levi?” Matt finished his sentence. 

“Yeah.” 

Matt sighed causing Eren to arch an eyebrow. “What’s your problem?”

“My problem is my sister is sick! That’s what my mom said in her letter! I tried to tell you the other night and then again this morning, but all you can do is focus on him!” Matt’s face was bright red, his clenched jaw trembling.

Eren had never seen him like this before.

“I had no idea.” He muttered.

“How could you?!” Matt tossed his hands up exasperated. “You’re always with him.” 

“Levi? He’s my boyfriend, Matt.” Eren lowered his voice when saying the ‘b’ word.

“And I’m your best friend. Your battle buddy.” 

“Of course you are.” 

“Then why don’t you treat me like one?” 

“Matt...what the actual fuck are you talking about?”

Eren watched Matt who rocked a bit on his cot, his hands fidgeted as he lowered his head to stare at the dirt floor. “It’s always him. Ever since you got back together, you’ve pushed me away for him. He left you, Eren! He wasn’t there, but I was! And yet you went running back to him after all the shit he had done. I needed you last night.”

“I know you did, but I didn’t know what was going on! You didn’t tell me!” Eren argued.

“You didn’t give me the chance!” Matt shot back. 

“I love him!” Eren said as if that was enough to explain it all.

“Does he love you?! He doesn’t act like it half the time! He even wants to keep your relationship a secret!” Matt stood, raising his voice. 

Eren clenched his fists, “Well you remember what happened the last time it got out that I was gay.” 

“That wasn’t my fault.” 

Eren scoffed, “You were the only one who knew, Matt! It is your fault!” 

“If you haven’t moved on from that then why are we still friends?!” 

“Maybe we shouldn’t be!” 

“Maybe not!” 

The two glared at each other. 

“You’re just like him.” Matt suddenly spoke up.

“What?” 

“You push people away just like he does.” 

“Ever stop to think that maybe I just don’t want you around?” 

Eren regretted the words as soon as he had said them. They weren’t even true. Why would he have said something so stupid? Before he could even open his mouth to apologize though, Matt had left the tent. 

Eren stood there completely still, wishing he could drown out the silence that was slowly drowning him. 

~ ~ 

It was hours later when Matt returned. He entered the tent sheepishly, and took a seat beside Eren who had yet to move from his cot. 

“I’m sorry.”

“What for?”

“I shouldn’t have said all that shit earlier. I’m just worried about my sister.” Matt trailed off, his eyes lowering to the ground.

Eren watched him intently for a moment before sitting up with a sigh. “What is it?”

“What?”

“What’s your sister sick with?” Eren clarified.

“It’s cancer.” Matt replied, voice cracking on the last word. 

Shit. 

Now it was Eren’s turn to be sorry. 

“Matt...I’m so sorry. I-I should have listened earlier.”

“Don’t apologize. I see the way you look at him. I know how you feel about him. I shouldn’t hold that against you especially when you couldn’t have known about my sister.” Matt sniffled, smiling softly at Eren. 

A silence passed between them before Matt spoke up again. “You really still blame me for that one night?” 

“Oh.” Eren rubbed the back of his head. “No. Not really.”

“You know I never would have-“

“I know, I know.”

“You’re family, Eren.”

Eren scoffed slightly at the word, “Family has never been very good to me.”

“Yeah, but you’re my family now.”

Eren smiled, patting Matt’s thigh. “Thanks, man...Did you mean it?”

“What?”

“When you said he doesn’t love me?”

“Hell no.” Matt shook his head. “I’m just jealous he gets you more than I do.” 

“Matt.”

“Yeah?”

“That’s kinda gay. I may just have to get Jack to beat you up for it.” Eren joked, a smirk spreading across his face. 

“Oh, shut up!” Matt punched his shoulder playfully. 

And then they laughed. In the explosive kind of way that had them clutching their aching sides. 

It was the first time in a long time that Eren was able to forget his worries. 

It would also be the last time for a long time he’d smile like this, but he didn’t know that quite yet.


	22. Shot through the heart

LEVI POV 

Levi retired to bed early, but it made no difference. He still struggled to sleep, his mind churning with scenarios of what could happen the following morning. 

This wouldn’t be an easy mission nor would it be like any he had 

If and when he found Charlie after all these years, what would he do?

Levi didn’t know how he would possibly react, but he didn’t care. He just hoped that he’d find his friend tomorrow. 

Whatever happened when he did or afterwards didn’t matter.

As the sun rose, Levi’s heart sank into his stomach and a strange sense of deja vu overwhelmed him until he could hardly move.

He eventually forced himself out of the cot and exited the tent. Levi’s eyes scanned the camp for Eren whom he found almost immediately. 

Resisting the urge to wrap his arms tightly around the brunette and never let go, he kept his distance leaving enough space between them that he couldn’t act on the temptation even if he wanted to. 

“Morning.” Eren smiled, his face brightening.

“You ready?” Levi asked, skipping the polite greetings. 

“Yeah.” Eren nodded, gesturing to himself. He was in uniform per usual with a holster attached to his belt where he had a gun, ammo, and a dagger. There was also a clip for the canteen he was currently chugging. 

Levi gave the kid a once over before nodding in approval, though he couldn’t shake the ominous feeling looming over him. 

He didn’t have time to overthink it though as the general began calling everyone to attention. The three squads that had been chosen for the mission lined up and awaited orders. 

“I expect all of you know what to do.” He started, “This is a rescue and retreat mission in which you’ll retrieve the hostages before returning to camp.” 

“Yes, sir!” Everyone responded in unison. 

“Remember your training.” The general eyed each of them before giving a wave of his hand to release them.

One by one, everyone climbed into an open truck. The plan was to drive closer to the location, but not near enough that they could be spotted or heard in an army vehicle. 

The entire ride, Levi preoccupied himself by staring out the window and watching the world pass by. The sun had only just begun it’s ascent, but the humidity was already causing everyone to break a sweat. 

Red stained memories clouded his vision momentarily until he refocused his attention elsewhere like the thick brush that covered the mountains behind them or the dry cracked earth that they marked with tire tracks. 

His old therapist called it “grounding oneself”, picking out specifics in his surroundings and contemplating them.

Levi had found it helpful, but he knew his true anchor...the one thing -person- that held him to this earth like gravity was the boy sitting across from him. Eren was his constant, a consistent stability in Levi’s life that grounded him. 

As long as he had Eren, Levi knew that he could face whatever would come his way that day.

With that comforting thought, Levi held his head high and collected his disorganized brain until he felt prepared to be the leader that he would need to be today.

They were dropped off ten miles away from where the hostages were said to be and began to march. 

Levi led his squad forward, Eren trailing close behind him. Every couple minutes, Levi would glance behind him to check for Eren who was never more than ten feet away. 

The kid was practically riding his ass, but Levi wasn’t about to complain since riding Eren’s ass was exactly what he planned to do when they got back to camp.

Besides Eren, there were three other people within Levi’s squad. 

One of them being Matt, who lingered nearby Eren. 

It took them two hours to finally arrive at the location the general had given. A secluded fortress built by rock and held together by hardened mud. It wasn’t large by any means, but it appeared to be solid. 

After a quick assessment of the premises and checking then double checking for any sort of guards, they surprisingly found none. An unguarded fort holding hostages with no reinforcement? Levi didn’t trust it one bit.

Levi turned to face his squad. “We’re sticking together. No splitting up. I need a line formation immediately.” 

They acted quickly and without hesitation, pressing forward and entering the building as a single unit. 

Upon entering, they fanned out and prepared to attack yet found the room to be empty. 

Levi’s eyes darted around searching for someone who could be hiding, but found no one. He kept his M4 ready though and his senses sharp.

It was then that he heard footsteps coming from the entrance and whipped around to see a figure standing in the doorway. His or her face couldn’t be seen from the angle that Levi stood at and so he hesitated, but only briefly.

Levi glanced to his right then his left finding that all his members were accounted for meaning this figure was the enemy. Moving his finger to the trigger, Levi aimed to shoot when the figure suddenly stepped forward and suddenly his face was revealed.

“Hold your fire!” Levi commanded, staring at the man yet keeping his gun high.

Chocolate brown hair that matched his eyes and those same damn nerdy glasses…

“Charlie.” Levi breathed as he returned the gun to his holster and looked him over.

Though it had only been no less than five years since the last time they were together, Charlie seemed to have aged fifteen. Strips of hair were already turning grey and prominent lines marked his face. 

The man’s hair was a tangled mess, eyes were sunken in with deep dark circles beneath them, and his clothes were torn.

Even so, Levi thought he had never looked better than that moment. 

Before today, Levi hadn’t bothered to notice the freckles that were sprinkled across his now tanned skin or the soft undertones of gold in his deep brown eyes. 

“Levi…?” Charlie choked out, those big eyes began to well with tears.

Surging forward, Levi grabbed a hold of Charlie and pulled him close. Hiding his face into the man’s stinky shirt, he couldn’t find any piece of him to care about how dirty the damn thing was or how the stench literally burned his nose. 

He let the tears roll down his face as he buried himself even deeper into Charlie’s chest, “I thought you were dead.” He murmured, his voice muffled. 

Pulling away, Levi allowed himself to breathe. 

Their eyes locked and for a moment, Charlie said nothing then suddenly the corners of his eyes crinkled as a wide smile spread across his face which was practically glowing. 

It was a sight that Levi had sorely missed.

And for that single second, as they embraced once more, everything was okay. It was better than okay. 

Levi felt a real smile work it’s way onto his lips. Something that only Eren had been able to pull out of him these days. 

“Levi…” 

The sudden shift in Charlie’s tone caused Levi to falter. He followed his friend’s gaze to see Eren and the others being held captive at gunpoint.

In all his excitement, Levi had forgotten his squad. A pang of guilt slapped him across the face as he stared wide eyed at the sight before him.

Levi’s eyes fell to Eren who had been forced to his knees, his head pulled back by the man who had taken a fistfull of his hair to expose his neck then shoved a gun underneath his chin. 

“Hand the prisoner over now and we’ll let everyone go.” The masked man holding Eren ordered. 

Those words sent a chill down Levi’s spine that caused all of his hairs to stand on end. Everything seemed to slow down around him as he stared at Eren. 

He could see Eren’s adam apple bob as he swallowed hard, beads of sweat dripped down his face as he watched Levi. Those beautiful eyes were staring into his with complete trust. 

The same eyes that he had learned to trust. Those eyes had so much light and life within them. They had brought so much light into Levi’s life...he refused to lose that.

But how could he choose between two people he loved?

How was Levi expected to say goodbye to one of them forever?

Levi had already made his choice, but he didn’t want to say it. How could he?

“Charlie…” Levi glanced at the male beside him. How could he say it? After all these years of thinking he had been dead, only to find him alive, then lose him again? 

Levi didn’t want to do it, but he had to. 

Before he could force the words out, one of the other three squads that the general had ordered came rushing in from behind him. 

Levi felt himself be able to breathe once again as the hope of everyone surviving this became a reality. 

That hope was taken away from him in an instant though as he noticed one of the masked men reveal a grenade from his jacket pocket. 

With nothing else to do, Levi began to raise his hands in surrender. Pulling a weapon on someone with that sort of power in the palm of their hand would startle them enough to do something stupid.

Everyone followed Levi’s lead, but it was no use.

It all happened so quickly after that, it was nearly impossible for Levi to keep up. 

The man pulled the pin from the grenade before throwing it forward. 

Everyone scattered. 

Levi rushed towards Eren who had been dropped to the ground, but felt himself be suddenly grabbed by members of the other squad who began to drag him out. 

Kicking and thrashing, he fought against their hold desperately. 

Their grips were iron though and his struggle proved pointless. 

They had managed to remove themselves along with Levi out of the building before everything exploded and it felt like Levi’s heart did too.


	23. Death and darkness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m aware this chapter is a short one, but I wanted the previous chapter to be shown through Eren’s eyes. Also, if you would like an altered experience then take a listen to Everything went...dark by Nights Amore. It can be found on Spotify.

EREN POV 

 

“Hold your fire!” Levi commanded causing Eren to hesitate, his finger resting on the trigger as he glanced at his captain in confusion. 

His eyes flickered between the unidentified figure in the doorway and Levi, refusing to lower his weapon until he could be sure that this person meant no harm. Considering the current situation, it was highly unlikely that whoever it was would turn out to be friendly.

“Charlie.” 

The name was uttered so quietly that Eren thought he may have misheard. Levi, however, was walking towards the silhouette as though he were in some sort of trance. Could it be that it really was Charlie? 

Eren examined the man closely, analyzing his appearance and comparing it to the mental image he had of the photograph that Levi had of Charlie. They certainly bore resemblance to one another, but this surely wasn’t the same man as the smiling boy in the picture. 

This Charlie wasn’t smiling, he looked dead...Maybe not physically, but there was this strange far away look in his eyes that told Eren he would rather be dead than alive. It was a startling sight that had Eren wondering what the hell had they done to this man to make him change so much?

Then there was suddenly a small flicker of recognition and the light that Charlie had been missing before seemed to surface as a smile broke across his face. Even his smile looked broken though as if his facial muscles had forgotten how to do such a thing.

Charlie was stepping forward too now and embraced Levi so tightly that Eren felt a twinge of jealousy which he buried quickly. This was one of Levi’s friends, someone he had thought to be dead, and they had every right to be excited. 

In fact, as Eren continued to watch them, he felt himself begin to smile. 

Levi had waited far too long for this moment and he deserved to enjoy every second of it.

Caught up in all the excitement, Eren nor the others heard the footsteps coming from behind them. By the time they could sense the new presences, it was too late.  
A rough grimy hand was shoved roughly over Eren’s mouth to silence him before the stranger forced his knees to buckle beneath him. Hitting the ground, Eren’s head was yanked back by someone giving a tug on a tuft of his hair. 

With his neck now exposed, the man holding him snuck a gun beneath his chin so that the barrel rested against his jaw.

It had all happened so quickly that he hardly had any time to fight against them. 

Looking to both his sides, Eren saw that his comrades were in the same position. 

Fuck.

“Hand the prisoner over now and we’ll let everyone go.” The man’s voice was low with a heavy accent that made it slightly difficult to understand what he said though everyone had a general idea. 

Eren’s eyes locked with Levi as he awaited orders or any signal that may tell him what to do. With a gun pointed at him and his life on the line, Eren knew he had to put his trust in Levi. He had no choice. 

Levi did though, he had a choice of who to save.

And he chose…

“Charlie…” Levi turned to his friend. 

Hearing this, Eren felt as if he had been shot already and the bullet had gone straight through his heart leaving a gaping hole. More like it had reopened a hole that used to grow steadily larger with every foster family that turned him away, it was a wound that had slowly begun to mend itself over time. 

A wound that would never have fully healed if someone didn’t come along to patch it back together. Levi was that someone. 

He had stitched Eren’s broken pieces together. Convinced him that he was worthy of love. Told him that people were proud of him and that he could be proud of himself.

Levi gave Eren the two things he never had - a home and a family.

Eren may have never been good at the whole family thing because he never had a real one to show him, but he knew that family wasn’t supposed to leave. 

Family didn’t turn away.

And Levi was turning away. 

Levi was choosing someone else. 

“Does he even love you?” Matt’s words echoed in Eren’s brain. Each time they did so, punching another hole into his chest. 

“I love you.” Eren remembered saying those three words to Levi.

He couldn’t remember Levi ever returning those feelings.

But why the hell was Eren so surprised? 

Levi had left him before...and he was doing it again. 

The cycle of abandonment had never truly left Eren’s life. It had always been there starting from the day he was born when his own mother gave him away. 

Why did this keep happening?

What was wrong with him?

Something had to be seriously wrong with him for people to just keep walking away so easily.

Trapped in his own thoughts, Eren didn’t even realize what was happening around him until he heard the screaming. 

Everyone was running, even his captors were taking cover. 

That’s when Eren noticed the grenade.

A small weapon that created mass destruction and it was only five feet away from him. 

If he didn’t move, it would kill him.

But Eren also knew that if he didn’t act fast, it could kill everyone else too. 

It seemed like a simple choice. He wanted his squad to survive and it was clear now that Levi didn’t care if he did. What else was there to live for? 

Pushing himself to his feet, Eren made a lunge for the grenade and he would have made it too if he someone hadn’t pushed him aside.

Whoever it had been was strong enough to throw Eren back several feet. He rolled, the breath being forced out of his lungs as he hit the ground. Gathering his bearings, Eren lifted his head to see Matt standing over the grenade. Those big baby blue eyes were staring at Eren as a small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. 

“Matt, don’t -” 

Eren had always wondered how he would die. As a kid growing up in the system, he had never been very sheltered from the reality of how the world worked. People were born, they lived, and then they died. That was a concept that he learned at a younger age than most. 

To him death was a fact. He knew it that it would happen and he had never minded discussing or thinking about when or how it would happen to him.

Eren had always wondered how he would die. He never imagined it would happen like this. 

“So long, battle buddy.” Matt’s lips moved, but barely any sound came out. The only thing that could be heard was the bomb going off and then...darkness.


	24. Three words

LEVI POV 

Levi hated hospitals. 

The mere thought of the countless amount of germs that had to be roaming around and infecting every inch of every surface made him crinkle his nose in disgust. Reminding himself of the several janitors he’d seen didn’t bring any relief either. He doubted that a single one of them cleaned to his standards which others may consider high, but Levi would argue that anything less was downright dirty and lazy. 

It wasn’t the germs that he hated most though, nor was it the obnoxious noisy machines, or the inescapable scent of disposable gloves. 

It was the lingering feeling of fear and unknowing. 

The nurses would try to provide frequent updates and the doctors always worked hard to bring answers. Yet it was never enough to ease his mind because there was one question that remained unknown. 

Would Eren survive this?

Nobody knew. 

Having hardly left the kid’s side, Levi was exhausted. Sometimes his eyes would close without his permission when the need to sleep became overpowering and he’d drift off, but it was never enough nor did it last long. Because the nightmares would be waiting. Fresh memories that hurt like open wounds would torture his subconscious until he awoke. They would sometimes continue to hurt him even after he had opened his eyes.

Levi was sure that he would never be able to fully forget that day. Even now, he could remember it so clearly that he’d become swept up into the moment until he was practically reliving it.

~ ~

His nerves were wired and his entire body shook, but Levi forced himself to move forward. Eyes and nose filled with smoke causing him to cough. 

Squinting through the settling dust, Levi’s frantic and wandering eyes flitted around in desperate search for the one person that mattered.

They eventually came to rest on a hand that could barely be seen from beneath a piece of collapsed ceiling. 

Levi’s heart gave a leap as he ran over and bent down low. Sure enough, it was Eren. 

The relief Levi had imagined he would feel in this moment was fleeting as he noticed the blood leaking from the top of the boy’s head like an open faucet. 

It stained his brunette hair and soft skin, filling his slightly ajar mouth. 

“Eren…” Levi gasped as he took in the sight. 

Standing and staring wasn’t going to help though. Without wasting any more time, Levi grabbed a hold of the rubble weighing down on Eren.

He lifted.

It barely budged. 

Gritting his teeth, digging his fingers into the cement, he squatted and gave everything he had. 

Nothing. 

“Fuck!” Levi hissed, releasing the boulder and examining his cut fingers. 

Dropping to his knees in defeat, Levi grabbed a hold of Eren’s hand which was limp in his own. 

“I NEED SOME HELP IN HERE!” He called out, refusing to take his eyes off the boy in front of him. Terrified that if he did then Eren would disappear.

Levi had never been one to cry, but suddenly he was sobbing. Doubled over and clutching Eren’s hand as he tried to hang onto the little hope he had of Eren still being alive. 

That hope was fading quickly though and that deep shade of red consumed Levi’s sight until it was all he could see. 

When this used to happen, he could blink hard and it would disappear. 

Squeezing his eyes shut, Levi blinked again and again. 

The ugly sight wasn’t going away though. 

The blood was spreading, staining, and consuming. 

“No, no.” The words came out as a garbled cry and Levi could barely recognize his own voice in that moment. 

“Wake up, stupid brat! Wake up! Don’t you dare die on me. Not here. Not now. Not ever. I-I love you.” Those final three words left his lips before he could stop them. 

The words he had stopped himself from saying before in fear that if he admitted those feelings then they would become real. If he had shown that love- he would have also shown and accepted himself as vulnerable with Eren being his weakness.

He didn’t want to have a weakness. He didn’t want to feel that pang of loss after losing someone he loved again and that’s why he always thought it better not to love at all. 

Sitting there, Levi realized it didn’t matter anymore. Hiding those feelings were pointless since he was losing Eren. The life was leaving his body and there was nothing to fear anymore now that Levi’s worst fear was already coming true. 

“I love you.” He repeated.

“Levi.” Hearing his name forced Levi to return to the present where he saw Charlie watching him with a concerned expression. 

“Hmm?”

“Shouldn’t you...shower?” Charlie suggested.

Levi sighed, “I’m not leaving him. Especially not today.”

He watched the lanky man purse his lips, “It’s been t-two weeks, Levi.”

“What’s your point?” 

“We d-don’t know when he’ll wake up. He may-may not ever-”

“Don’t. Say. It.” Levi growled. 

Charlie fell silent and gave a short nod, watching Levi with eyes full of pity. 

Levi sighed, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap.” 

“It’s alright. Do you want-want anything from the cafeteria?”

“No.” Levi said shortly, his eyes drifting to Eren. He still hadn’t gotten used to the unsettling sight of the boy being attached to so many tubes.

He was more of a machine than human nowadays. 

Clearing his throat, Levi took Eren by the hand allowing himself to slip back into his thoughts.

Memories of the long days that followed what he was sure had been the worst day of his life resurfaced.

Levi remembered watching the nurses push Eren’s gurney onto the private plane that would take both of them back to America.

He hadn’t imagined returning home so early, but Eren was in need of more advanced medical attention than where they were stationed had to offer. 

They were flown to the one of the best and also most expensive hospitals in the U.S. where Levi had been promised that the doctors would do everything in their power to make sure Eren stayed alive and returned to a conscious state. 

Two weeks later, the hope that their promise would actually be fulfilled was fading.

Clearing his throat, Levi leaned forward slightly. 

“Happy Birthday, kid.” He murmured. Briefly pausing, Levi ran a hand through his grimy hair. 

“I love you.” He whispered, pressing his forehead to the back of Eren’s hand.

The silence that followed was something Levi would have once treasured, but now all he wanted was to hear that idiot’s-

“I love you too.” 

Levi’s entire body stiffened as he inhaled sharply and it felt like for the first time in weeks, he was actually breathing again.

“Eren…”


	25. Memory fails

EREN POV 

 

“Your medical records show that you had been treated at a hospital in Egypt before being transferred here. Is that correct?” The doctor asked, peeking over the clipboard chart in his hand to receive confirmation. He was a middle aged man who Eren had mixed emotions ever since he entered the room. It was something about his posture and movements which were too stiff for Eren’s liking. They felt too perfect, almost robotic. 

“Yes.” Levi answered, earning an annoyed glance from Eren who was tired of being coddled. He’d only been awake for an hour and was already wishing he could sleep. 

“It states you were sent into emergency surgery.” The spectacled man continued, flipping through the sheets. 

“Eren was suffering from crush injuries, internal bleeding, and a broken shoulder.” Levi was quick to answer again. 

“A dislocated shoulder.” The doctor corrected, clearly irritated. “The primary source of internal bleeding was found in the-”

“Brain.” 

As a silence enveloped the space, Eren prayed to be miraculously induced into another coma. The doctor’s grey eyes slowly peeled themselves away from the text in his hand and locked onto Levi. 

“And you are?” His bushy brows raised up in questioning. 

“Ackerman. Levi Ackerman.” 

“Mr. Ackerman.” The doctor smiled slightly though it was clearly forced. “Are you a doctor by any chance?”

“A soldier, actually. And what about you…” Levi peered closely at the name tag on the other male’s coat. “Mr. Boomer.”

“That would be Dr. Boomer and I’m a certified physician. One of the best in the nation and that is precisely why I was assigned to Eren’s case.” 

Eren was barely paying attention now as he sunk into the bedding. It was a thin mattress, but the blanket covering him was even thinner.

“I’ve never seen you before.” Levi folded his arms, an expression of doubt on his face.

Dr. Boomer nodded, crossing his arms to match Levi’s stance. “I wasn’t needed until he became conscious.” 

“Yeah, and I am now. I can answer for myself.” Eren spoke up, growing tired of the bickering. 

“Wonderful. Then Mr. Ackerman, why don’t you leave the medicine to me and speaking to Mr. Jaeger.”

This seemed to finally shut Levi up and he took a step backwards, hovering by Eren’s head now. Dr. Boomer refocused his attention on the patient, still appearing irritated though it had certainly diminished a bit now. 

“The doctors in Egypt were able to stabilize you to the best of their ability before transporting you here.” 

“Where is ‘here’ exactly?” Eren asked, having no clue where he was or exactly how he had gotten there.

“This is St. Alban’s Hospital in New York City.” The doctor explained before continuing, “Mr. Jaeger, you’ve been in a coma since the accident and you’ve had three surgeries during that time.”

Eren blinked at the phrase. “Accident?”

Dr. Boomer made a brief note on the clipboard. “It’s expected of someone with injuries and a traumatic experience like your own to experience memory loss. I cannot say for sure whether they will be completely restored or not, but we will do everything in our power to help you on this road to recovery.”

“I’m sorry, but this doesn’t make any sense. None of this was an accident.” Eren couldn’t comprehend any of what this doctor was saying. There had to be some confusion, but then wouldn’t Levi have explained the situation? 

“Eren, do you remember something?” Levi bent down, his fingers raking through the brunette’s oily hair. 

“Yeah, and those medical records don’t make any sense.” Eren winced as he readjusted himself into a seated position. “I mean, crush injuries? A dislocated shoulder? From a gunshot? How is that even possible?” 

At the mention of a gun, both men’s faces scrunched in confusion. Dr. Boomer glanced at Levi as if to ask if this was true before he began flipping through the chart in his hands. “I’m sorry. I don’t recall seeing any reports of you being shot.” 

“There was an explosion, Eren. Nobody was shot.” Levi spoke softly and slowly as if the words would startle Eren or hurt him, but it only arose more questions in Eren’s mind as to what the hell was going on.

“I was! And-and you were stabbed.” He gestured to Levi, his eyes searching for a wound or something. Yet there wasn’t any sign that he had been injured.

“No.” Levi frowned slightly, gently taking Eren’s hand in his own. “I was dragged out of the building before the grenade went off. Remember?”

Eren shook his head, still focused on how well off Levi seemed to be. It didn’t seem possible that he could be standing there right now when he should be six feet under. “How are you alive? I saw you die…You took your last breath in my arms.”

Levi pursed his lips, not saying anything for a moment as he simply stared at Eren. “I know this is difficult to understand-”

“There’s nothing to misunderstand!” Eren was angry now. Nobody was listening to him and the words coming out of their mouths felt like lies. They had to be, there was no other explanation. He certainly wasn’t lying and he wasn’t confused about what had happened. 

“Where’s Mikasa and Armin? They’ll tell you!”

Levi released an exasperated sigh, his eyes darting towards the doctor for an explanation.

“It’s possible that he’s still in shock. Sometimes patients that have been through something like that will confuse the names of people and places.” The older man reassured him.

“I’m not crazy!” Eren said through gritted teeth. “Where’s my best friend?”

“That’s what I wanted to talk with you about.” Levi said, his features softening slightly. “The only reason you made it out alive was because of Matt.”

Eren shook his head as he pulled away from Levi. His brain felt muddled. His voice must be muffled. How were they not understanding him? Were they just not listening? “I’m not talking about Matt! I have no idea who the hell that is!”

Dr. Boomer intervened before Levi could get any more upset. “Maybe it’s best we take a break and allow Mr. Jaeger to get some rest.”

“Okay.” Levi caved. Together, they turned and walked outside of Eren’s hospital room. Even then though, he could pick up pieces of their conversation.

“What the hell is wrong with him?” Levi hissed.

“Mr. Ackerman, I explained that Mr. Jaeger may experience some amnesia-” Dr. Boomer was motioning downwards as if telling Levi to calm himself. 

“That’s not amnesia! He’s talking nonsense!” Levi cut him off, pointing at Eren who felt his face heat up. 

“That’s to be expected from someone-”

“Who went through a traumatic experience and recent brain surgery. I know, I know.” The raven haired male rubbed the bridge of his nose, his eyes briefly closing shut as he breathed heavily. 

Eren watched as the doctor gave what was supposed to be a gentle pat on Levi’s shoulder before disappearing from the door frame. Levi simply stood still, not opening his eyes. 

He looked so tired with those bags under his eyes, his cheeks were sunken in and had a greyish tone to them. Levi was frail which was a word that Eren had never imagined he used to describe the strongest man he knew.

Seeing him in such a state, Eren felt a pang of guilt. Somehow this felt as thought it was his fault. Levi’s regressing appearance and his attitude were due to Eren’s condition. As if he thought the physical pain couldn’t get worse, it suddenly did. Because now he was causing somebody else suffering too. 

Eventually, Levi returned to Eren’s bedside. His eyes never wavering from the brunette. “You seriously don’t remember?”

“I told you what I remember.” Eren said quietly.

Levi lowered his head, those questioning eyes turning downwards. “Okay, Eren.”

“You don’t believe me?” Eren studied him. 

“No.” Levi was quick to answer.

“Mr. Ackerman.” A woman’s voice interrupted. Looking towards the source, Eren found a petite woman in the doorway. She had soft olive skin, big brown doe eyes, and her gently curled hair that matched her eyes in color was pulled back into a low ponytail. She wore a floral patterned dress that reached just above her knees and a nude handbag clutched close to her side.

“Call me Levi.” Levi barely glanced at her, his voice low.

“Right.” She nodded with the smallest smile. That’s when her attention focused on Eren. “He’s awake.” Her voice became breathy, mouth falling open slightly as the corners of her eyes crinkled. 

“Can we have a moment alone with him?” She asked, almost pleadingly. 

“He’s not in the best mental state for guests.” Levi glanced at Eren briefly.

“We’re hardly guests.” The woman argued. 

“And I can speak for myself.” Eren spoke, staring at the woman. “I have visitors? Is it Mikasa? Armin?”

“Um, no.” She shook her head, stepping closer tentatively. “I don’t expect you to remember me, but my name is Claire and this is my husband, Gavin.” She gestured to the man who had appeared next to her. Claire and Gavin Jaeger.”

“Eren, these are your biological parents.” Levi whispered.


	26. Welcome home

EREN POV

 

“I hope you like the neighborhood. It’s not anything like a big city, but your dad and I have lived there for the past couple years. The people are very nice and there’s a sweet old man down the road who is a veteran. I’m sure you guys could find something to talk about.” Claire rambled on excitedly though there was this slight uneasiness to her tone that made it clear she was anxious as to what her son would think of their home.

“Sounds good, mom.” Eren still hadn’t quite gotten used to saying that word, but he liked being able to use it. An involuntary smile seemed to always cross his face when he did.

Claire paused her packing and smiled at him tenderly. “I bought some of your favorite foods. You said you liked pasta, right?”

“Yeah, but you didn’t have to do that.”

“I wanted to.” She insisted. 

A soft tap on the door frame interrupted them causing both their heads to turn towards the sound.

Levi stood there with papers in hand. “You’re officially discharged.” He announced as he handed them to Eren with a wide set grin though it couldn’t compare to the way Eren was beaming.

Snatching the papers, he glanced over them quickly with big eyes that sparkled when reading the word ‘discharged’. After having been bedridden for a week since waking, Eren was more than ready to ditch the hospital gown and leave the depressingly empty white walls of this room behind.

“Finally.” He breathed, an air of annoyance as he thought about how long it had taken for this day to arrive.

Levi chuckled, “I’m sure the nurses are thinking the same thing.”

“Huh?” Eren looked up, cocking his head to the side.

“Don’t act so innocent, brat. You weren’t exactly the most tolerable patient.”

Eren’s eyes narrowed at the smug expression on Levi’s face though he didn’t argue nor did he refuse the hand that Levi extended. 

Grabbing it, he used the other man’s arm for stability as he stood ever so slowly from the bed. His knees wobbled and his muscles ached, but he was just happy to be walking again.

“Where’s dad?” Eren asked, keeping a tight grip on Levi as he shuffled awkwardly across the tile floor.

“He went to pull the car around.” Claire responded as she handed him folded up clothes. 

Taking them in one hand, he locked himself in the bathroom along with Levi who helped him slip out of the gown and into a pair of jeans. 

The raven haired man’s hand hovered briefly over Eren’s crotch as he buttoned the pants. 

“I saw that.” Eren smirked.

“Hm?” Levi hummed pretending to be clueless as he gestured for Eren to raise his hands above his head, which he did. Levi then put him into a navy blue shirt.

“I saw you wanting to grab it.” 

Levi snorted, “You’re ridiculous.” 

“Ri-DICK-ulous.” Eren wiggled his brows which earned him a playful slap to the arm.

After having managed to make himself look halfway decent, Eren rejoined his mom who had just finished packing.

“You ready?” She asked, picking up the small suitcase that she had apparently purchased for Eren before he had even woken from his coma. 

“More than ready.” He replied.

The three of them made their way down the hall and towards the elevator at a turtle’s pace. Once they finally arrived, Eren was out of breath. 

It was nice to take a break from walking, but standing wasn’t much easier. The elevator dinged signaling they had reached their designated floor. Stepping off, they walked past the information desk and towards the revolving doors that promised freedom.

Eren was ready to collapse, but the sight of sunflight ahead encouraged him to persevere. Walking outside, he inhaled deeply allowing his eyes to flutter closed momentarily as he felt the fresh air fill his lungs.

The breeze was cool on his face, but he didn’t mind. It was a rather cloudy day which left the sun hidden away, Eren had never felt warmer though. Levi kept one arm around his shoulders as they ducked into the silver prius that had been waiting for them.

Despite the airport being only fifteen minutes away, it took them an hour to actually arrive. They had NYC traffic to blame for that. 

It was a plane ride and another hour long car ride before they arrived at what Eren supposed he would learn to call “home”.

Growing up, Eren had always wondered where his biological parents lived. Though it made no logical sense, Eren had liked to think that they lived in a castle. It was a nice thought that he would often daydream about, but as he aged...that became his worst fear. 

He’d much rather his parents live in a run down shack with hardly any food to spare. At least in that scenario, he’d be able to understand why they gave him away. They would have been doing so to protect him, to give him a better life than they could have offered.

Neither the castle nor shack turned out to be reality though. No, his parents lived on a farm in a small town in Michigan with a little less than one thousand people which caused Eren to squirm uncomfortably as he thought about how he would stick out like a sore thumb.

Glancing to his left then his right, Eren wondered where the neighborhood his mother had mentioned earlier was because from his view-they didn’t have neighbors for another mile or more.

As far as he could see, the only neighbors that existed were the horses standing out in the fields. Walking towards the two story white house with a wrap around porch, Eren wondered what sort of life his parents had lived all these years without him.

Had they even thought about him? In all that time, did they ever cry over his absence? Or dream about what it would be like to have their boy running in those open fields? 

Eren had asked his mother every day when he was stuck in that hospital bed. The only answers he would receive though would lead to more questions.

She would always say that she thought of him every waking moment of each day, but when he would ask why she had given him away then she would fall silent.

Her head would bow and she would purse her lips before giving a stupid answer about how she loved him so she let him go.

Eren grit his teeth, rubbing his chilly arms as he took each step one at a time until he was standing on the porch. Only a couple steps from the door. There was a bad feeling stirring in his stomach though that if he entered this house-he could never turn back.

“Eren?” 

Levi’s voice brought him out of his thoughts.

He had a concerned look on his face. It was an expression that Eren had grown tired of seeing. Levi had been giving him that pitiful look every day since he woke from the coma. He wondered if he would always look at him like that now.

“Just tired.” Eren answered, knowing that Levi was silently wondering how he was doing. Saying he felt tired seemed to be the easiest answer rather than having to explain.

Because how could he? How could Eren possibly explain everything that was happening inside his head? He had tried to before, but that had almost put him in a psych ward. 

In truth, he felt constantly torn between two different lives. Two different universes. Two different times.

The doctor hadn’t believed him so he had never quite gotten any medical or scientific explanation so Eren had to come up with his own...that while he was in the coma, his memories of ‘before’ returned. 

That was what he had decided to call it. ‘The before’ when titans roamed the earth, and he had a sister named Mikasa, and a best friend named Armin, and he was in love with Levi. 

That was the only thing that seemed to be the same. Levi. They had both died together before. Eren supposed they were getting a second chance to actually live in the now. He wouldn’t waste that chance. 

Taking Levi’s hand, they walked inside together. 

The interior was what anyone would expect from a farmhouse. Low ceilings, wooden floors, neutral paint colors, and the scent of a musty attic. 

It was fairly spacious with several windows that kept the place well lit with natural light. It was very different compared to Eren’s dark and cramped apartment. 

“Woah, woah! Watch out, Eren! Bella is coming for you!” His father’s voice called out though Eren didn’t know from where.

“Bella?” He echoed curiously. That’s when he saw the large white dog barrelling towards him. 

“Bella!” Eren yelped in realization as he was tackled to the ground. He caught himself before his head could hit the hard floor, but getting up was going to prove difficult considering the eighty pound animal weighing down on him.

He was soon being covered in slobber as she licked at his face happily. “What the-“ He laughed, trying to push her away. 

“I guess we forgot to mention we had a dog.” Claire giggled as she rushed to her son’s aid. 

“A dog? This thing is a bear!” Eren grinned up at wide black eyes peering down at him.

“An Alaskan Malamute, actually.” She whistled. 

Bella hopped off immediately, responding to the sound. 

Scooping beneath Eren’s armpits, Levi lifted him slowly. He released him quickly though, a look of disgust on his face as he glanced down at his now saliva covered hands.

“Where’s the nearest sink?” He asked.

“In the kitchen.” Claire pointed straight ahead down the hallway before grabbing Eren’s hand, “Let me show you the guest room.” 

Leading him upstairs, she brought him into the third room on the left. It was quaint with minimal furniture. Just a dresser, bedside table, and a bed. The bed was a queen sized with a floral comforter. 

Not something of his taste, but it didn’t matter too much. It was a place to sleep and that’s all he really wanted at that moment. That seemed to be the only thing that hadn’t recovered yet- his stamina. 

Eren went to bed tired and woke up still tired, despite however much sleep he had gotten.

“There’s a bathroom right next door.” She said. “Do you like it?” 

“Yeah...This whole place is so nice.” He murmured, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

Claire smiled. “I’ll be downstairs cooking dinner if you need me.” She said before stepping out, leaving Eren alone with his thoughts.

Hell, this really was a nice place. He frowned as he kicked off his tennis shoes. What was the reason then? Why had they given him away? There wasn’t one he could think of besides they just didn’t want him. 

Falling back on the bed, Eren stared up at the ceiling with dead eyes. He was exhausted and he could feel sleep creeping up on him. There was no use in fighting it so he let it overcome him. 

He must have slept for several hours because when he finally awoke, it was dark outside. Blinking, his eyes slowly grew accustomed to the lack of light. 

Hobbling towards the door, still half asleep, he reached for the knob when it suddenly swung open.

“I was just coming to check on you.” Levi flicked on the lights.

“Hey.” Eren greeted him groggily though he still managed to flash the male a grin.

Levi’s lips curled upwards slightly in his own version of a smile. “I spoke with Charlie over the phone. He made it home...We’ll be seeing him soon though. He’s being publicly recognized at your award ceremony.” 

Eren’s face fell at the reminder. He had completely forgotten about the ceremony coming up in three days. Supposedly, he was being given a medal for bravery and selflessness during a tough mission and deadly situation. 

He didn’t see the point of it though. There was nothing he had done to deserve an award more than any other person in the army. It was a soldier’s duty to act accordingly when in the field. He was only doing his job…The news had found it heroic though. The way he allegedly rushed to jump on a grenade whilst everyone else ran away.

That was something he couldn’t quite seem to remember. His memories of everything else returned except for that day. He couldn’t recall that day at all. The day he supposedly became a true American hero.

“We have to go to the funeral the day before that though.” Levi said, his voice soft as he watched Eren for any sign of sadness.

Oh-and there was Matt. The only other thing that hadn’t returned to him. 

This so called friend of his was now dead and he couldn’t feel any sort of emotion because he couldn’t even remember the guy’s face. 

“Right.” Eren nodded.

“Come on, dinner is ready.”

~ ~ ~ 

Now that Eren wasn’t sleeping most of his days away in a hospital bed or being prodded with needles and having tests run, he was actually able to have a full conversation with his parents. A conversation that lasted three hours as they sat around the dinner table.

“Please tell me you’re joking.” Claire whined.

Gavin roared with laughter, clapping Eren on the back heartily. “Please tell me you’re not!”

“Definitely not joking. I was suspended and everything.” Eren grinned cheekily. 

He could see Levi rolling his eyes in his peripheral. 

“Oh, that’s golden.” Gavin wiped the tears from his eyes, “You were raised well.”

Eren lowered his eyes, they trailed to his arms which still had burn marks from one of his foster dads who would smoke almost as much as he had screamed. “Raised well?” He scoffed, shaking his head. 

The table suddenly became quiet. Something it hadn’t been since they sat down. 

“I wasn’t raised well...I wasn’t even raised by my own parents.” He snapped.

“Eren.” Levi warned. 

“No!” He shot Levi a look. “They should hear this.” He whipped back to lock eyes with his mother who was staring up at him with her mouth agape.

“Eren…” Gavin reached a hand out.

Eren yanked his hand away, “I was in seventeen different homes. I moved every year. Every year, I had new parents, a new school, and I had to make new friends. I couldn’t even do that though because I was the foster freak.” 

“Oh, honey.” Claire’s eyes softened, her brows pulling together as she reached across the table and placed her hand on top of Eren’s. She stroked the back of it with her thumb in small calming circles.

“Why did you do it?” He asked.

“What?” She tilted her head. 

“Why did you give me up?” Eren clarified, his eyes piercing her with a gaze the seeked answers.

“We-“ She glanced at Gavin before turning her attention back to Eren, “We weren’t sure if we would be able to give you the best life-“ 

“Bullshit!” Eren growled, “I didn’t need the best life. I just wanted a stable one!” 

“We were young, sweetheart.” She tried to explain, but he didn’t want to hear it.

“So was I! And you left me to fend for myself!”

“We did not leave you alone. We tried to give you a home somewhere else. Somewhere better.”

“And guess what I got, mom. I got people who took me in for the sake of an extra paycheck! I got drunk dads and helpless moms! I got burned, bruised, and abused! Was that the better life you wanted for me?!” Eren could feel the tears beginning to prick at the corners of his eyes, his throat was sore as he swallowed a sob. 

Gavin stood, his hands curled into fists. “Don’t talk to your mother that way.”

“My mother? Does she have any right to that title? Do you have any right to tell me what to do?” Eren shot back.

“This is my house and as long as you’re in it, you will obey my rules or-“

“Or what?” Eren smirked slightly, raising an eyebrow as he stood to be at eye level with Gavin, “There’s nothing you can do to me that hasn’t already been done.”

Gavin narrowed his eyes, his face growing red and a vein near the top of his forehead began to bulge. 

“I just want to know why...Because all my life, I’ve been forced to think that it’s somehow my fault.” Eren lowered his voice.

“You want the truth?” Gavin cleared his throat.

Eren nodded, “That’s all I want.”

“Claire got knocked up by her ex husband. They divorced and she was left with you. Jobless.” 

“So...you’re not my dad?” Eren blinked.

“No.”

Claire was staring at her empty plate, silent tears streaking her cheeks. “I didn’t have a choice, baby. I had nothing to give you.” 

Eren’s heart was thudding in his chest as he processed it. “Who’s my dad then?” 

Claire pursed her lips to a fine line, “His name is Daniel.”

“Well, where is he?” 

“I don’t know.”

Eren sighed, collapsing back in his seat. He buried his face in his trembling hands, the tears that he had been holding back were finally flowing free.

After all these years, he thought he had finally found his family. He was still missing a member though. Maybe he always would be.

“Thank you for dinner. We’ll be going to bed now.” Levi said curtly, helping Eren to his feet. 

Neither Claire nor Gavin argued as they walked away and upstairs before locking themselves into the guest room.

“Was I always meant to be from a broken home?” Eren angrily wiped his tears away. 

That’s when he felt Levi’s arms around him, pulling his body close and enveloping him with warmth. The kind of warmth that Eren expected a real home to feel like and it made sense, Levi was his home.


	27. The White family

EREN POV

Waking up to the sound of a rooster crowing was not ideal, but rolling over to see Levi...that was something Eren could get used to. 

The corners of his mouth pulled upwards into a small smile as he reached out, placing a gentle hand to Levi’s cheek who was sleeping soundly. It wasn’t something he did very often so Eren didn’t wish to wake him despite the fact that his stomach was growling.

He didn’t dare move, knowing how light of a sleeper Levi was. Instead, he lied there and even though he was starving, he couldn’t think of anywhere else he would rather be. 

Eren had noticed it before, but it still surprised him how much younger Levi appeared whenever he was asleep. 

Getting lost in his own thoughts, Eren failed to realize that Levi had awoken and was staring at him with a face of confusion accompanied by a mild look of ‘what the hell, creeper?’. 

“Eren.” 

Hearing his name, Eren snapped to attention. His face flushing a bright red as he locked eyes with Levi. “Yeah?” He asked, attempting to sound innocent.

“Why were you watching me?”

“I wasn’t.” 

Levi’s brows arched upwards in disbelief. 

“Okay...Maybe I was. You look so much nicer when you sleep.”

“You sound so much nicer when you’re not talking.” Levi replied snarkily, a smirk evident on his face.

Eren pushed out his lower lip into a pout. “I could say the same about you.” 

Levi’s smirk faded into a smile as he ruffled Eren’s bedhead. “I wouldn’t have to be talking if you shut up and kissed me already.” 

The man never failed to be blunt, a quality that Eren was still growing accustomed to.

Leaning forward, Eren went in for the kiss. Only to have Levi stop him with a single finger that he pushed against his lips.

“Brush your teeth first.” Levi commanded, earning a drawn out sigh from Eren who rolled out of bed reluctantly and trudged to the bathroom where he brushed his teeth before returning to the room.

Crawling underneath the covers, he moved on top of Levi.

“Happy?” He asked, the annoyance evident in his voice.

“I can think of a few ways you could make me happier.” Levi replied. 

“Oh yeah?” Eren rolled his eyes. 

“Yeah.” Levi reached upwards, tangling his fingers into the brunette’s hair and yanking him downwards until their lips were locked in a passionate kiss that had both of them panting into each other’s mouths.

Levi slipped his tongue inside Eren’s mouth, rolling it skillfully.

Hovering over the smaller male with his hands on either side of his head, Eren began to grind his hips against Levi’s in a desperate attempt to give his aching erection the friction it needed. 

He had already woken up with morning wood. The way Levi was working his lips were not helping. 

“Lips don’t lie.” Eren murmured into the kiss.

“It’s hips don’t lie” Levi corrected him.

“Whatever.” And with that, Eren pulled off his own shirt and tossed it away. 

Levi’s hands snaked their way up his chest, over his shoulders and then clawed their way down his back towards his ass where they came to rest. 

Feeling Levi take an ass cheek in each hand and squeeze, Eren’s hardened member gave a twitch of excitement. They hadn’t been able to do anything like this ever since graduation day. It had been far too long.

“Eren, are you sure you can handle this?”

“What kind of question is that? Of course I can handle you.” Eren pawed at Levi through his boxers. 

“I mean, are you physically ready for this? The doctor said you shouldn’t be overexerting yourself.” 

“I’ll be fine, I swear.” Eren was becoming impatient as he continued to rock his hips in a rhythmic motion. “Now, hurry up and give it to me.”

Levi’s eyes darkened, clouding over with lust. “Patience, brat. It’s a virtue.” 

“It’s a waste of time.” Eren argued, removing his own pants.

Levi slipped out of his boxers, stroking his length as he glanced around. “We don’t have any lube…”

“Use this.” Eren said, grazing his thumb over Levi’s lower lip.

“Turn around.”

Eren obeyed, situating himself so that his ass was facing Levi. 

He would need to have some form of lubricant and Levi’s saliva would provide exactly that.

The feeling of that man’s tongue pressed against his entrance, being pushed inside of it, and licking around it had Eren reeling. He wiggled himself closer, craving more.

That’s when Levi suddenly spun him around. “You should be wet enough now.” He said. Now he seemed to be the one becoming restless.

“Patience is a virtue.” Eren quoted with a cheeky grin. 

“Wipe that stupid look off your face.” Levi snapped though he was struggling not to smile. Wrapping one arm around Eren’s waist, he used the other to guide himself towards Eren’s hole.

He hesitated briefly, his eyes watching Eren as if asking for permission. 

Eren gave him a nod and there was not a moment wasted afterwards. 

Levi jammed himself inside Eren, eliciting a moan from both of them.

Eren’s stomach tightened, his walls clamped around Levi as he groaned out.

“Fuck. I forgot how tight you are.” Levi’s voice quivered as he propped himself up on his elbows. 

Eren released a breathy laugh in response.

This was certainly a far better wake up call than the rooster.

~ ~ ~

“How did you boys sleep?” Claire asked as she served them breakfast. 

“Great.” Eren answered, wondering how his mother was managing to act like the night before never happened. 

“It wasn’t too stuffy, I hope. I know neither of you probably wanted to share a bed.” She continued.

“Sharing the bed wasn’t a problem.” Levi chimed in. 

“You weren’t all over each other?” Claire asked, taking a seat across from them.

Levi kept a straight face though Eren was struggling not to blush when Levi said, “It was hard at first, but we made it work.”

Eren noticed the subtle emphasis that Levi had put on ‘hard’ and pressed his hands into his lap to hide the boner he still had. 

“Well, I’m glad. Gavin left for work early, but you’re both welcome to do whatever you’d like.” Claire said.

Eren picked up a piece of buttered toast, shoving it into his mouth and consuming it in one swallow. “Mom…”

“Hmmm?” The woman hummed as she took a sip from her cool glass of milk.

“I understand why you did it.” He took another slice of toast.

Claire’s grip tightened slightly on her glass which she lowered back to the table. “Your father was the only income. I tried to get a job, but I had been raised on a farm like this one...I never attended college. Couldn’t afford it. Nobody wanted to hire an uneducated pregnant girl.” 

Eren nodded slowly. “I’m sorry.” 

“You did nothing wrong, baby.” She assured him sweetly. 

Eren’s heart gave a little flutter as he felt a sense of...what was that feeling? He didn’t have a word for it, but he felt strange. A good strange. 

His entire life, he had always been at fault or at least it felt that way. That’s what everyone else would tell him. To hear his mother honestly tell him that he wasn’t to blame had his heart soaring. 

“Come on. I want to show you something.” She stood. 

Eren glanced at Levi who gave him a short nod, a silent way of saying ‘go ahead’.

Following his mom, they walked upstairs to her room where she brought out an old box from underneath her bed which she handed to him.

“What’s this?” He questioned.

“Open it.”

Eren removed the top, peering down into the box to find a couple photos. Baby pictures. “Is this…?”

“That’s you.” Claire nodded. “And this-“ She grabbed a piece of paper, “Is your birth certificate.” 

“Daniel Bryers.” Eren read aloud, his breath hitching. “That’s my dad.”

“I don’t know where he is, but we’ll find him together. Okay?”

Eren blinked, looking up at her with wide eyes. “You mean it?”

“We’ll do it. You and me.”

~ ~ ~ 

That proved to be easier said than done. Every path they took seemed to lead to a dead end.

Daniel Bryers seemed to have disappeared into thin air four months before Eren’s birth. The night he walked out on Eren’s mom, he wasn’t heard from since. Not even by his own family. 

Days of searching and detective work got them nowhere. 

“You need to go.” Claire insisted.

“They don’t need me there. It’s a funeral.” Eren watched with crossed arms as his mother bustled around the room, gathering his things and shoving them into a suitcase.

“A funeral for your best friend.”

“Someone I don’t even remember.”

“You’re going.” Levi interjected. The stone hard gaze in his eyes told Eren that there was no use arguing.

“What about dad?” He asked, grappling for an excuse.

“I can search for him on my own. You need to catch a plane.” Claire patted his chest and gave him a peck on the cheek.

“And Gavin?” Eren arched a brow.

“He can be mad all he wants. He’ll come around eventually.”

Eren wasn’t sure if that was true, but he decided to trust her. However, he was also now out of excuses to stay. 

With two against one, Eren was forced to board his flight. 

Levi had finished the series about vampires so he had moved onto some new book that was titled, “Fifty Shades of Grey”. It sounded rather dull to Eren just by looking at the title. 

Levi had buried his nose in it as soon as they had taken their seats, leaving Eren to wrestle with his thoughts.

Why was he being forced to attend the funeral of someone he didn’t remember and then an award ceremony for something that was part of his job?

It all seemed ludicrous. Eren wasn’t trying to be rude by any means because there was certainly sympathy for the family who lost a member, but it was no personal loss to him or at least-it didn’t feel like one. 

They arrived in Kentucky where a majority of Matt’s family lived so it only made sense for the funeral to be hosted there. Whilst disembarking the flight, Eren noticed a family of seven standing nearby with a sign that had his name scrawled upon it.

Whom he assumed to be the mother, called out to him. Waving her hand to get his attention. 

“That’s Matt’s family.” Levi explained, “Best not to tell them that your memory is fucked.”

Eren gave a short nod of understanding before they walked over. 

“I’m so glad you could make it.” The strawberry blonde woman wrapped her arms around him, squeezing tight. When she finally released, she took his face in both her hands. 

“You’ve gotten even thinner and more handsome.” She patted his cheeks, smiling up at him. 

“Thanks…” Eren managed an awkward smile.

“You can call me Helene.” 

“Right. Helene, thank you.” 

She was rather short in stature, especially compared to her husband who extended his hand to greet Eren next.

“Good to see you again, son.” He had a firm grip and a hard face with sharp features. He would have been extremely intimidating if it weren’t for his soft baby blue eyes and kind smile. 

“Eren!” The smallest and who he assumed to be the youngest shouted as she tackled Eren into a hug. Her head right above his knee caps.

“Hey.” He grinned down at her. 

She was cute with long thin bright blonde hair, eyes like her father’s and a smile that spread from ear to ear. 

“Look, I lost a tooth!” She announced proudly, pointing at the gaping hole in her gums. 

“I see. It’s your front tooth too.” He noted, “Do you know what that means?” 

“What?”

“It means the tooth fairy will be extra generous.” Eren gave her a wink as her face lit up with excitement. 

She began to bounce up and down, stomping on his toes in the process though he didn’t mind too much.

Raising his head, Eren examined the other three siblings. Another girl who was older than the one currently crushing his feet, but she didn’t appear to be any older than ten. 

She was the spitting image of her mother with a round face, a countless amount of freckles, and red hair. Though hers was more vibrant than Helene’s who she was currently clinging to, keeping her face half hidden in her mom’s side.

To her right, there were three boys. One who seemed to be a year or two older than the girl that was now wrapping herself around Eren’s leg like a snake, another who appeared to be just entering puberty and was far too engrossed in the game on his DS to acknowledge his surroundings, and then there was the eldest who was glowering at Eren. 

“You’re Levi, right?” Helene asked, her eyes directed to Levi who answered with a polite, ‘yes’.

“It’s so good to have you both here. You’ll stay with us, won’t you?” Helene glanced between them, Eren wondered if her face was beginning to hurt from smiling so much. How was it possible for a mother to be this cheerful after the death of her firstborn?

“We wouldn’t want to impose.” Levi spoke up.

“Nonsense!” Helene waved her hand dismissively, “We would love to have you.” 

“Eren, you have to see my room!” The little girl tugged at his shirt.

“I’m sure he’d love to, Maisie.” The dad grabbed her shoulders. 

“Were you really Matt’s battle buddy?” The other girl finally spoke.

“Uh yeah, I was.” Eren answered. “What’s your name again?”

“Anna.” The ginger gave him the smallest smile.

“Okay, come on boys.” Helene began to herd them towards the doors, “Bill, will you-“ She nodded towards her husband then to Eren.

He seemed to understand what she wanted without her having to say it. 

“Right.” Bill strayed behind, walking close to Eren and Levi. Making sure his family always stayed a couple feet ahead.

“Helene and I wanted to apologize in advance for our son, Clay, he’s been having a really rough time with it.” He gestured to his eldest who had his head hung low, hands buried in the pockets of his black hoodie.

“It’s fine. He lost his brother...I would probably be pretty pissed off too.” Eren whispered back.

The ride to the White’s house passed by quickly due to Maisie’s entertaining stories. She would chatter on and on about Matt, telling Eren how he would get in trouble as a kid or how he reacted when the most recent Star Wars movie was released (apparently he dressed in a chewbaca onesie and went to the theatre like that). 

By the time they pulled up, Eren felt like he knew Matt even if he really didn’t. He sounded like someone he would have been friends with and they apparently had been. 

Maisie and Anna were sure to give Eren a tour of the house whilst the other boys went their separate ways. Levi stayed with Mr. and Mrs. White in the living room, discussing the funeral plans. Levi was explaining how Matt would be honored by the military.

Eren came to find that the two girls shared a room as well as the two younger boys. It seemed that the only children to have their own rooms were Clay and Matt. 

“This is Matty’s room!” Maisie swung the door open to reveal a square bedroom filled with Star Wars and Lord of the Rings memorabilia. By the amount of books Matt owned, he had to be a big reader. That didn’t surprise Eren nor did the professional camera sitting on the desk. 

Matt seemed like the type of guy who would be creative like that.

“Hey!” Clay jerked up from the bed, “What are you doing in here?” He barked angrily.

Maisie crossed her arms, “I could ask you the same.”

“Matt always let me in here.” He snapped, “But he didn’t like unwelcome guests.” The shaggy haired brunette fixed his eyes on Eren. His eyes were a cool grey, not at all similar to his mother’s warm brown eyes or his father’s bright blue. 

In fact, he was the only child who had such dark hair and different eyes. He didn’t look much like either of his parents. 

“Mom and dad said that Eren is our guest.” Anna mumbled. 

“Well, he’s not welcome in here.” Clay spat, his eyes never wavering from Eren.

“He’s Matt’s best friend!” Maisie stomped her foot. 

“He was. Matt’s dead now.” Clay whirled around, going back to the bed and sitting down. He picked up the book he had been previously reading.

Eren pursed his lips to a fine line, ushering the girls away. He could understand why Clay was so upset, but he didn’t understand why all that anger was being directed towards him.

Helene turned out to be an amazing cook. She served them Matt’s favorite dish for dinner that night and had even made desert which was a delicious strawberry shortcake. 

With full bellies, everyone grew tired. Especially Eren after his day of travel.

“We don’t have a guest room, but Levi can have the couch. Eren, I thought you may want Matt’s room for the night.” Helene offered. 

Eren’s eyes darted to Clay whose face was red, his fingers curled into a fist around his fork.

“I can sleep on the floor in the living room.” He said, not wanting to get any more on Clay’s bad side than he already was.

“We both know Matt would never allow that. Just take his bed.” Helene was persistent and apparently completely unaware to her son’s obvious distaste towards Eren. 

“I don’t want him to.” Clay asserted. 

“Clay.” Bill raised his head, “Remember what we talked about.” 

“I do remember and I don’t care. This is Matt’s room and you’re just gonna let him sleep in there!” 

“You know Matt would have willingly given his bed to a friend.” Helene tried to soothe her son.

“This asshole doesn’t deserve to be in there! Why did Matt have to die and not him?!” He shoved a finger in Eren’s direction.

Helene gasped, “Clay!” 

Bill stood silently, grabbing Clay by the wrist firmly and dragging him away from the table. He quietly excused them as they disappeared into another room.

“Momma, what is an asshole?” Maisie asked innocently, breaking the silence.

“It’s your butthole, idiot.” Samuel answered, he was still playing that DS. 

“Why would Clay call Eren a butthole?” 

“Your brother shouldn’t have used that language.” Helene told Maisie before giving a light slap to Samuel’s hand, “Talk nice.” 

Eren was staring at his lap, his face heated. He knew now why Clay was such a dick towards him. He blamed Eren for Matt’s death…

It reminded him of another time. A memory from ‘the before’. That anger and hatred burning in Clay’s eyes reminded Eren of the way Erwin looked at him that fateful day when Levi breathed his last. 

Levi placed a hand on Eren’s thigh, “Are you alright?” He asked under his breath. 

Eren nodded, “Just need some sleep.” He said, taking his leave. 

He locked himself away in Matt’s room. Despite being mentally and physically drained, Eren couldn’t sleep even after an hour of lying there staring at the ceiling.

It was then that he gave up on rest and gave into his curiosity. Walking over to the desk, he picked up the camera and turned it on. 

He began clicking through the pictures-most of which were candid shots of the White family.

Eren stumbled across one where Clay was laughing. His eyes creased at the corners and his mouth open wide, his cheeks flushed. A look that Eren wondered if he would ever see in person.

The next picture was of the full family. They were dressed in Christmas sweaters and gathered around a tree. That’s when Eren saw him...The one member he didn’t recognize. 

A tall lanky blonde with blonde hair that swept across his forehead. He had the widest smile and the brightest eyes. Two deep dimples in his cheeks. 

That had to be Matt.

Eren blinked, getting a sense of deja vu. The kind people get when walking around walmart then seeing a stranger that looks oddly familiar.

“I’m so sorry…” He whispered and he meant it. 

He was sorry for everything. For not remembering Matt, for his death, and for not being able to save him. 

Would it have been better for Eren to die instead? 

He wouldn’t have left a huge family behind...He hadn’t even met his mother at that time.

The only person that would mourn him was Levi.

Maybe he should have deserved it then.

Either way, he knew Matt didn’t. 

Even if he didn’t know Matt, he knew that the teen in this picture wearing a pair of reindeer antlers and giving his brother a noogie-didn’t deserve to die.


	28. Dressed in black

EREN POV 

Eren managed to clock in about three hours of sleep before he was awoken by a pounding on his door. 

He jerked out of bed and lunged towards the door, swinging it open in fear of what he would find. His eyes dropped to see Maisie standing there in her pink princess pajamas. 

“Look!” She held up a dollar bill, “The tooth fairy was extra generous just like you said!”

Eren sighed in relief, clutching his chest where he could feel his heart beating erratically. To have been so suddenly awoken and with such loud urgent knocking, he had figured the house was on fire.

“That’s great, Maisie.” He smiled, squatting so that they could be at eye level with one another. 

Ryder, the second youngest, came running over to have a peek. “That’s no fair! When I lost my tooth, I didn’t get that much!” 

Maisie flashed him a prideful grin, “That’s because you didn’t lose your front tooth.” 

Samuel poked his head out from a door down the hall, curious as to what all the ruckus was about. “Maisie, will you please shut up?” 

“You’re just jealous.” Maisie stuck her tongue out.

“Can you help me lose my front tooth?” Ryder asked Eren.

“Is it loose?” Eren asked.

“No...but Clay once lost a tooth when he ran into a wall. Could we do that?” Ryder looked far too excitable about the prospect of launching himself face first into a wall. 

“Absolutely not.” Levi said as he reached the top of the stairs. 

Eren stood, “Good morning.”

“Morning.” Levi pecked his cheek.

Ryder’s jaw dropped, “Are you guys married?” 

At this, Eren felt his stomach do a somersault. “M-married?”

“Yeah...That’s what momma and daddy do all the time. Daddy kisses her like that.” Maisie chimed in. 

“We’re not married. Not yet.” Levi answered, taking Eren’s hand in his.

Not yet. 

Eren felt his heart skip a beat or several. Had he heard that correctly? 

Maisie giggled, “Are you dating?”

“Yes.” Levi answered again.

“When I grow up, I want to date.” Maisie declared.

“You’re too young to date, Maisie.” Anna said, she had been so quiet that Eren didn’t even notice her presence. 

“That’s why I said when I grow up!”

“Neither of my little girls better be trying to grow up.” Bill suddenly came bounding up the stairs, he snatched Maisie up and tossed her into the air then catching her before she could hit the ground.

“Come on, get dressed.” He said, setting her down before looking at Eren. “Helene wanted me to ask...Would you say a couple things about Matt?” 

Eren blinked. Oh shit. Say stuff about Matt? He couldn’t even remember what the guy looked like till last night. How was he supposed to give a heartfelt speech?

“You don’t have to.” Bill quickly added, he must have noticed Eren’s discomfort. “Just think about it. I should be getting ready now.”

Eren glanced at Levi, “We should be getting dressed too.” 

~ ~ ~ (If you would like an enhanced experience, listen to Letting Go by Tracey Chattaway on Spotify) 

Adorned in black, the White family along with Eren and Levi, drove to the church. 

The playful banter that they had shared the previous night and earlier that morning didn’t feel real anymore as they sat in silence. 

Eren never thought he would miss that sad silence until he was in the church, surrounded by a sea of black, being forced to make conversation with strangers, and give his condolences to weeping family members.

Thankfully, the priest wanted to start the service shortly after the immediate family arrived so he had to cut conversations short as everyone began to file inside the auditorium. 

“Eren.” Helene grabbed him before he could follow the crowd, “I never properly apologized for the way Clay acted last night.”

“Oh...It’s really alright.” Eren said, but Helene shook her head. 

“They were so close, you know? Even as kids, they got along so well.” She sniffled through a smile, wiping away her tears with a tissue. “I think he’s just angry. We all are.”

“How are you doing it?” Eren suddenly asked, unable to stop himself.

“What, dear?”

“How are you still smiling? Throughout all of this, you’ve smiled. You’ve been so gracious to me. Invited me into your home. Let me sleep in your son’s bed. Even now, at his funeral, you’re smiling.” 

Helene locked eyes with him, “I’m going to tell you something that my mother once told me. Something I’ve told all of my children.” She leaned closer, “This life is a mess. A big beautiful mess. We can’t control what happens next, but we can enjoy it.” 

“And you’re enjoying this?” Eren was confused.

“Hell no.” She answered, laughing slightly when she saw the shock on Eren’s face when she cursed. “You think I enjoy attending my first born’s funeral?” She shook her head, “No, but I can smile because I’m thinking about all the joy he brought me rather than the pain of losing him.”

Eren stared at her, dumbfounded and in awe of this woman. 

“Smile, Eren. We were both given a blessing to know Matt even if it was for a shorter time than we wanted.”

A blessing to know him...Eren couldn’t even remember him! And he hated himself for it. His throat when dry as he forced a smile.

He felt fake. He was standing there in a tux at the funeral of his best friend and he couldn’t even feel the pain of loss nor could he feel any of the joy Helene described. 

“You were so special to him. Just with the way he looked at you, I could tell.” She continued.

“Huh?”

“Matt looked at you special.” 

Eren frowned, his stomach churned uncomfortably at the sentence that had somehow struck a chord within him. He tried to shake the feeling away, but it persisted. This growing pressure in his chest that made it almost impossible to breathe. 

It felt like it was weighing down upon him, crushing his heart which had begun to physically ache.

“I know he loved you.” Helene gave Eren’s hand a squeeze before she joined everyone in the auditorium.

Eren couldn’t move though. Despite his best efforts to follow her, his feet remained planted in the same position. He blinked, looking around the foyer which seemed to be tilting in all sorts of odd angles. 

His vision blurred and he felt himself start to lose balance. Reaching out for some form of stability, Eren grabbed at the nearest object. It tumbled to the floor with him causing a crash that echoed throughout the church. 

Eren frowned, pinching the bridge of his nose as he squeezed his eyes shut. He just needed the room to stop spinning. 

Glancing to his left, he noticed that what he had accidentally dragged with him during his fall was a blown up portrait of Matt that had been on display.

“So long, battle buddy.” A voice echoed inside his head. 

It was instantaneous. Hearing those words and staring at that portrait, he knew exactly whose voice that belonged to. 

“Matt?” Eren choked out the name in a soft whisper.

Visions of Matt flashed before his eyes. Images that he hadn’t seen the night before in a camera. No, these were memories.

Memories of Matt. His best friend. His battle buddy. His family.

That person was gone. Nothing more than dust. 

He had been dead for nearly a month now and yet it was like Eren was hearing the news for the first time. 

In a sense, he was. Hearing it in the hospital, Eren had no reaction. He felt no remorse. How could he when he didn’t remember the person he was supposed to be mourning?

Now, he heard it. He heard it in the choir singing.

He was seeing it. Everyone dressed in black.

He was living it. Matt’s funeral. 

Eren felt a scream building in his throat. He had to bite his shaking thumb to hold it back. 

Matt was dead and it was partially his fault. He should have saved him. He should have jumped on the grenade first. 

“What the hell were you thinking?” Eren hissed at the smiling portrait. “Why would you sacrifice yourself for someone disposable like me?” 

Burying his face in his hands, he realized he had been crying. He could feel the wet tears dripping into his palms as a quiet sob rippled throughout his body. 

His throat burned, his heart throbbed, and his chest heaved as he tried to breathe.

A part of him didn’t want to breathe. Every inhale of breath felt wasted on him. He shouldn’t be alive…

Matt was the one who deserved to be breathing.

Eren didn’t know how long he had sat there with his hands hiding his face, but when he finally removed them-the brightness of the sun streaming through the windows stung his eyes. 

Blinking the tears away, he allowed his vision to adjust. Once it had, he cursed the sunlight. Not for hurting his eyes, but for shining on such a dark day.

It didn’t feel right for the world to look so bright now that Matt wasn’t in it. 

“I’m thinking about all the joy he brought me rather than the pain of losing him.” Helene’s words came back to him.

He could understand that joy now. With that joy of having known Matt though, there was an immense indescribable pain to losing him. 

Eren would try to smile though because Helene was right...It was a blessing to have known Matt. A blessing to remember him. 

Forcing himself to his feet, Eren staggered into the auditorium. 

His eyes fell on the Matt’s family and Levi who were seated near the front before finding the soldiers in uniform who sat across from them.

Walking down the aisle, Eren earned many looks and whispers. 

He couldn’t care less though. Let them look. Let them talk. 

Grabbing the folded flag out of a sergeant’s hand, he ascended to the stage. The priest who had been giving some final words, stepped aside for Eren who assumed he must have appeared intimidating or at least crazy enough to the point that the priest didn’t wish to argue.

“My name is Eren Jaeger…And I was Matt’s best battle buddy.” He cleared his throat. 

Everyone’s eyes were on him.

They were all listening, awaiting what he had to say. 

He wasn’t speaking to them though. Raising his head towards the ceiling, Eren prayed that this would reach him. Wherever he was…

“You’re a good friend, Matt. Too good for me. You’re not just my friend though. You’re my family. You taught me that family isn’t always blood. You can choose your family. Somehow you chose me...to be a part of your family. I don’t know why you would do that. Nobody had ever actually wanted me before, but you-you knew that and chose me anyway.” Eren’s eyes rested on the back corner of the room where he imagined Matt to be. 

“I probably made you regret it every day since.” He gave a breathy laugh, tears streaming down his cheeks. “You never once gave up on me even when everyone else did. So, I’m sorry.” Eren’s voice cracked, his heart plummeting downwards. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t save you. You were always there for me and I wasn’t there for you when you needed me most.” 

Clutching the edge of the podium, Eren grit his teeth. He swallowed hard before continuing, “You deserved better. You deserved the best. I’m sorry I couldn’t give you that, buddy.” 

His eyes drifted to Clay who was watching with tearful eyes, “I’m so sorry.”

Unfurling the flag, Eren raised it high above his head. Tears spilling everywhere as his entire body became wracked with sobs.

~ ~ ~ 

“Eren. Talk to me.” Levi pleaded, holding Eren’s wet face in his hands. 

“What else is there to say, Levi? He’s dead.” Eren whispered. 

They had been hiding in a bathroom stall ever since Eren’s speech which had ended half an hour ago.

“I know, kid...I know.” Levi wrapped his arms around Eren, letting the boy’s head fall against his chest. 

Eren listened to the steady beat of Levi’s heart. 

“I fucked up, didn’t I?” Eren’s voice was muffled. 

“By interrupting the priest? No, he was a drag anyway. Sounded too rehearsed. Your speech...that’s what people needed to hear. What the White’s deserved to hear.” 

“Eren?” Clay’s voice came from outside the stall door.

Both males stiffened at the unexpected visitor.

Eren stood slowly, pushing the door open to see Clay who was standing there with red eyes. He was fumbling with his hands, staring at the tile floor. 

“I guess...I just wanted to say that you’re not a complete asshole like I thought.”

Eren smiled. “You’re not so bad yourself.”

“My mom wanted to see you.” Clay said, walking out.

“Come on.” Levi took Eren’s hand. “Together.”

“Together.” Eren agreed.

Before they even fully got out the door, Eren was being pulled into a hug. 

“Matt would have loved it.” Helene whispered, holding Eren tight. 

“I hope so.” Eren hugged her back.

“Come on, hun. We’ve got to get them to the airport.” Bill reminded her.

“Oh, right.” She sniffled, pulling away. “You’re going to D.C. for an award?” 

“Yeah.”

“Eren’s leaving?” Maisie glanced between her parents, confused.

“He has other things he has to go do.” Bill said, rubbing his daughter’s head.

“But-But I thought Matt was letting us keep him.” 

“What?” Bill blinked.

“Since Matt had to go away, he was giving Eren to us. As a new big brother.” Maisie grabbed a hold of Eren’s hand. 

Eren leaned down. “I’m not your new big brother, Maisie. But I’ve got even better news. You may not be able to see Matt, but he hasn’t really gone away. He’s right here.” He poked her chest, where her heart would be. 

She giggled, “Really?” 

“Really.” 

Ryder crossed his arms, pouting. “What about my tooth?” 

“It’ll come out eventually.” Eren reassured him. 

“Will we ever see you again?” Anna asked. 

“Of course.”

Samuel stepped forward. “Here.” He handed Eren his DS. “You can play it on the plane.” 

Eren looked down at it. “I will.” He smiled. “And I’ll bring it back.” He winked at Anna. “So, you’ll see me soon.” 

“Yeah, he is a guest after all.” Clay said, wrapping a comforting arm around his sister.

It was hard to walk away. To not look back as he boarded the plane later that day. He wasn’t sad though.

Rather, Eren smiled. 

It was a blessing to know the White family.

And he wasn’t truly losing them. Nor had he truly lost Matt.

The blonde boy with dimples would always exist in Eren’s memory as well as his heart.


	29. Worthy of love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANGST AHEAD

EREN POV

“Will you stop fiddling with that thing?” Levi sighed from the armchair that he had been occupying since they arrived at the hotel.

Eren merely hummed in response, too focused on the device in his hands to even process what the other had said.

“Eren.” The ravenette chided again, and the tone of his voice was enough to convey the expression he wore without even glancing up.

“Samuel gave it to me. It would be rude not to play it.” Eren argued, gesturing to the DS as he fought to complete the final lap of rainbow road. “Besides, you’ve been busy with your book so- Ow!”

A paperback copy of Levi’s new obsession had collided with his face, knocking the game from his hands. Eren glowered at the smirking male who had suddenly become far more serious.

“What?”

“Are you okay?” He asked, standing from the chair and joining Eren on the bed.

“Damn, Levi. It was just a paperback. I think I can handle more than that. I mean, I was in an explosion.”

“No.” Levi shook his head, placing a hand on the brunette’s thigh. “I’m talking about the funeral.”

Eren sighed, averting his eyes. He didn’t want to talk about his feelings and he was surprised Levi was attempting to make conversation about it. “Fine.”

“Just fine?” Levi leaned closer.

“What do you expect me to say? I’m great? I’m totally okay with the fact that my best friend died?” Eren turned to stare at Levi, his eyes narrowed and arms crossed.

“No, you’re not supposed to be okay. That’s why I’m checking in because I know how this feels.”  
“Oh. right. Your squad.” Eren could feel his heart rate picking up and his cheeks growing hot as his chest burned with anger. Why was he angry though? Wouldn’t it make more sense to simply cry? He had already done that. In fact, he had cried so much that it felt as though he had used every drop of water within him. 

Levi pulled away, head tilted in confusion as his eyes watched Eren silently.

“Yeah, that must have been so painful.” Eren could feel the words leaving his mouth without permission, he wanted to stop and yet it felt as though he couldn’t. He hadn’t had the time to deal with these emotions at the funeral considering there was a more pressing matter at hand, but now that he was alone with Levi and his boyfriend was trying to pretend like he cared...the hurt that Eren had yet to deal with was resurfacing.

“Eren.” Levi said, almost threateningly.

“What? You don’t get to sit there and pity yourself. I lost everything that day.” 

“Everything?” Levi echoed, his face darkening. “Then I suppose it couldn’t have been me who saved your ass or waited by your bedside for weeks if you lost everything.”

“Oh, stop acting like you’re some sort of hero who did me a favor! You were going to abandon me that day! You were going to choose him!” Eren snapped, eyes welling with tears which he forced back due to pride. 

“What the hell are you talking about?” 

“Matt wasn’t all I remembered. I remember everything now. I know you said his name when they asked you to hand him over. I know you were going to save Charlie before me.” Eren growled.

Levi shook his head, standing slowly. “You actually believe I’d do that?”

“I was there.” 

“And yet you’re still stupid enough to misread the whole situation even when you were in it.” Levi glanced at Eren briefly before looking towards the door. “Do you even trust me, Eren?”

“What?”

“Do you trust me?” Levi repeated.

“What reason do I have to? You left me once. I thought you were doing it again!”

“I did what I had to the first time to protect you-”

“No, you did what you had to do in order to protect yourself.”

“And when I realized my mistake, I came back. Did I not?”

Eren fell silent for a moment, allowing those words to sink in. Levi had returned, yes. Nobody else had done that before.

“What about when you said Charlie’s name? Like you were choosing him?”

“You’re such a fucking idiot, Jaeger. I was trying to find the words to explain to one of my dearest friends and comrades that I couldn’t save him because I love you!”

Eren blinked, dumbfounded. 

“How could you not know that you’re the most important thing in my life? Because if you’re really that stupid when it comes to me then how can you even say that you love me?”

“I do know you.” Eren began, but Levi stopped him.

“You don’t know the most fundamental thing about me which is I will always choose you.”

“But why? Why would you choose me in the first place?”

“Kid...I can’t answer that for you. If you really don’t know your own worth then that’s something you need to figure out for yourself.”

“How the hell do you expect me to find my own damn worth if nobody else showed me that I had any?”

Levi simply shook his head, gathering his coat. “Because nobody gives you worth, Eren. You give it to yourself.” 

Eren’s eyes followed Levi as he began walking towards the door. “Wh-Where are you going?”

“Out.”

“But what about me?”

“What about you, Eren?” 

“We’re talking!”

“Not anymore.” 

With that, Levi was gone.

The tears that Eren had fought to contain were leaking down his face now as he collapsed on the mattress in a fit of silent sobs. 

How had he let everything go to shit once again? How was it Eren constantly found a way to fuck things up almost as if his system was compelled to do it?

He wasn’t sure how long he had been sleeping for. Frankly, he didn’t even remember falling asleep, but it felt as if it had been only a few minutes when he suddenly jerked awake. 

“Eren.” Levi’s voice came from beside him.

“I-I’m sorry.” Eren choked out. He hadn’t expected him to return after all he had done and said. 

“Nightmare?” Levi questioned.

Eren shuddered at the word and gave a short nod. He wished that’s all it was...A nightmare that would disappeared upon opening his eyes, but no. He was still stuck in the nightmare.

In fact, he was living it. Living in a nightmarish world where his best friend was no longer by his side, he was slowly losing his boyfriend, and realizing that he had lost himself along the way.

Lying back down, Eren tried to breathe in an attempt to release the knot that had formed in his chest. It wouldn’t dissipate though. It only seemed to evolve, growing in size and weight. It weighed on his lungs causing his breaths to become labored.

“Eren?” The voice, though right beside him, sounded so far away. 

Another shudder. This one spread throughout his entire body. 

“I-I don’t feel so good.” Eren gasped out, his head was spinning and his stomach churning.

“I think you’re having a panic attack.” Levi spoke softly.

“No, no. I think I’m having a heart attack.” Eren kicked off the blankets, he felt as though he were burning. He could feel a cold sweat breaking out on his forehead. 

“I know it feels that way, but this is a panic attack.” Levi assured him.

The words hurt to hear. Everything felt too loud. He just wanted everything to stop. He needed the world to stop spinning and Levi to stop speaking and the throbbing in his chest to just stop.

Tears began to brim the corners of his eyes as he tried to ignore the pain and failed. “Fucking make it stop.” He wanted to scream, but his voice came out little above a whisper.

In that moment, he wasn’t sure which pain was worse. The mental or the physical. Both were utter agony.

It was then that Levi wrapped his arms tightly around Eren’s torso, pulling him close.

“Stop. Make it stop.” Eren demanded, but once again-his voice came out cracked and broken. He could taste the salt of tears on his lips.

Levi hugged still tighter and he refused to budge until Eren’s sobbing became silent and his violent shuddering had become tender trembling. Even then, Levi didn’t move. He only loosened his grip slightly.

Eren’s head was still spinning. Not like before though. Rather, it was spinning with questions and thoughts. 

He finally voiced one of them aloud, “What’s wrong with me?”

He heard Levi sigh, the breath tickled his ear. “Nothing is wrong with you, Eren. It’s not about what’s wrong with you.”

“Why do I always lose the people I love most?”

“You don’t. You haven’t lost me.”

“Why do you keep coming back?”

“Because you’re worth it even if you don’t recognize it.”

Eren’s breath caught in his throat as a memory resurfaced upon hearing those words. The one in which Levi had saved his life in the courtroom even before they had loved each other, let alone known one another.

That was in The Before, but it wasn’t lost on him in the now.

Levi had managed to see worth in him then. Was it entirely impossible that he could still see it in him now?

Perhaps it wasn’t about earning love or worth. Perhaps everybody is born with the ability and capability to love as well as be loved in return. 

Eren knew he loved Levi. It was harder to accept that Levi loved him equally, but maybe that wasn’t the point. Maybe it was enough to simply share in that love. The reasons behind that love wasn’t important. What was vastly more valuable was the countless chances in which Levi had proved his love to be true. 

And that day, in the crumbling enemies’ base, Levi had been once again proving his commitment. Even if Eren hadn’t realized it. 

“I’m sorry I doubted you.” Eren whispered.

“Don’t worry about that now. Go back to sleep.”

“I’m scared.” He admitted, “I don’t want to sleep.”

“What if we sleep together?”

“Fine...Together.” Eren agreed.


	30. The unceremonious ceremony

EREN POV

Eren’s alarm clock were two soft lips pressing to his cheek in one of the best wake up calls he had ever received. 

“Mm…” He sighed softly, rolling over to look at Levi.. “Good morning?” 

“Morning.” Levi greeted him with a peck on the lips, “Come on. You need to get dressed.” 

Whatever brief happiness Eren felt disappeared with a single sentence that reminded him what was yet to come. 

The thought of stepping on a stage in front of hundreds to accept an award he hardly deserved had Eren’s stomach cramping which he tried to tell Levi in hopes that he could worm his way out of this.

Levi’s only response was narrowed eyes full of disbelief before he yanked the warm blankets that Eren had been cocooned in right off. 

“Like hell am I going to let you miss the ceremony because of some nerves. Shake it off, soldier.” 

Eren groaned, literally rolling out of bed and falling onto the floor with a squeak. “Yes, captain.” He made sure the sarcastic tone seeped through every syllable. 

Levi huffed, stalking off to the bathroom where he turned on the shower water.

Sitting on the floor, Eren allowed his brain to wake up. He was feeling better than the night before, though the memory of it made him shudder. Is that really what a panic attack felt like? Had Levi suffered through one in the past? Was Eren going to have more of them in the future?

Mandering into the bathroom, Eren found Levi had already gotten into the shower. 

Discarding his boxers, Eren pulled back the shower curtain and stepped into the shower where a wet Levi was waiting.

“I don’t remember you being invited.” Levi poured shampoo into his hands, not bothering to look at Eren who was red in the face as his eyes lingered a second too long on the perfectly toned physique in front of him.

“Uh...Do I need an invitation?” Eren asked, tearing his eyes away.

Levi didn’t respond as he lathered the shampoo into his glossy raven hair before washing it out beneath the shower head.

Eren admired the man in silence, wondering how it was possible that Levi could make the most mundane activities look so graceful. 

Grabbing the bar of soap, Eren reached out and began running it over Levi’s chest. 

“I’m capable of cleaning myself.” Levi said, finally acknowledging Eren with his eyes.

“I know.” Eren shrugged, continuing to scrub away. 

It was the first time they had showered together ever. Even in The Before, there had never been a time when they shared a moment quite like this.

Or had they? Eren assumed he had remembered everything after waking from the coma, but what if there were still pieces missing? He would never know.

It was the first time he had considered that as a possibility. He hadn’t had much time to think about The Before since there was so much happening in the now.

“Turn around.” Eren commanded, having finished soaping up Levi’s front half.

“Alright. Wash off.” Eren said once he had thoroughly finished scrubbing every inch of Levi’s beautiful body.

Letting the water wash over him, Levi took the soap from Eren’s hands. “My turn.” 

Eren smiled, stepping closer and Levi got to work.

His scrubbing wasn’t as gentle as Eren’s. In fact, it was rather rough and it lasted much longer.

“Levi…”

“Hmm?”

“How did you know that it was a panic attack?”

The question caught the other male off guard because he briefly stopped moving the soap for a moment. “I’ve had my share of them.” He answered.

“How did you deal with it?” Eren asked.

“You don’t necessarily. It’s simply something that you have to go through.”

Levi must have realized Eren wasn’t satisfied with that which made him chuckle. “Panic attacks sometimes happen without rhyme or reason. There isn’t always a trigger, but when there is then it’s best for you to figure it out and avoid it.”

“What..What are some of your triggers?” Eren was hesitant to ask such a personal question. 

“For one, I like to keep things clean.”

“That’s an understatement.” Eren whispered.

Levi laughed. “Unsanitary things are a trigger for me. It’s too filthy and dirty.”

“Why?”

“I don’t understand the question.”

“Why is that a trigger for you?”

Levi sighed, pursing his lips to a fine line. “It reminds me of the first shower I took after the incident with my squad. All the blood and grime that washed down the drain. I stood under the water for three hours because it felt like no matter how many times I had washed myself, their blood was still on my hands.”

“I’m sorry.” Eren locked eyes with him, but Levi just shrugged. 

“Don’t be. Another one of my triggers is the color red which should be self explanatory.”

Blood. Eren could understand, but what he didn’t was-

“Wait. If you get triggered by the color red then why is your bedroom painted that color?”  
“Because after a while, I got sick of letting my fears control me. I used to compulsively wash my hands whenever I saw red, but being forced to sleep in a bed where the walls around me were that color...I eventually stopped washing.”

Eren smiled slightly as he rinsed himself off. He could only hope to be as brave as Levi. 

Once they determined themselves clean enough, they stepped out together. 

Levi wrapped his hair in a towel turban. Eren would normally have shaken his head like a dog, but he followed Levi’s suit. He didn’t wish to make a mess. 

~ ~ ~

Rolling back and forth on the balls of his feet, Eren fidgeted with the buttons on his coat. He was currently standing in a government official building. He hadn’t cared to learn the name of it. He could only focus on getting through the next couple hours.

“Stop.” Levi slapped the top of his hand lightly to keep him from his anxious fumbling. 

“Can we just get this over with?” Eren loosened his tie which felt like it was choking him.

“Charlie.” Levi breathed, smiling to himself as he saw a lanky man approaching them.

Eren shot Levi a pouty expression before following his gaze to Charlie who was now standing in front of them.

He looked much better than the last time Eren saw him. He had gained weight, his face was fuller and had color, his eyes were less dull, and his smile was a little less sad.

“They’re s-starting soon.” Charlie announced, leading them down a red carpeted hallway and into the main room.

Upon entering, Eren was blinded by the numerous camera flashes directed at him. It seemed absurd for everyone to be fighting for a picture of him as if he was a victor.

Staggering a bit, he followed Charlie towards the front of the room where Brown was standing.

With a cane by his side that he leaned on, the grey haired man smiled down at them. Another man stepped out from behind a curtain, addressing everyone with a wave that immediately hushed the crowd.

The man appeared to be in his forties with sand colored hair plastered to his head and combed back. He wore tight fitting black shoes that were pointed at the end and a matching tuxedo with a american flag inspired handkerchief tucked into his chest pocket. It poked out, sporting an important looking pin.

“Ladies and Gentlemen of D.C. , thank you for joining us today as we commemorate and celebrate a true hero. A man who fights daily for what you and I take for granted...freedom.” He spoke into the microphone. 

Eren had to do everything in his power not to roll his eyes. It sounded so rehearsed and stiff. Even the government official speaking sounded insincere as he droned on. 

It was pathetic...especially considering Eren felt as if he didn’t do anything to deserve the award. He had tried to jump on the grenade, yes. He hadn’t been the one to succeed in doing so though. That was Matt and he was the real hero.

“-Please put your hands together in a warm welcome to Eren Jaeger.” 

Shit. This was an award ceremony, right? Eren had assumed he’d shake a hand, receive an award, and then leave. He hadn’t prepared a speech!

Everyone exploded into a clapping fit as Eren clambered towards the podium. 

“Um…Hello, and thank you for this ceremony.” Eren cleared his throat awkwardly causing the mic to spike. 

“Sorry!” He blushed slightly, “I just wanted to say thank you for all of this, but I can’t accept the award.” 

Quiet gasps and hushed murmuring could be heard throughout the space. 

“I don’t deserve such an honor. The man who really deserves it, but can’t be here today is my battle buddy. His name was Matt White and he saved my life in Egypt. He saved Charlie’s life. He saved Levi-I mean, Captain Ackerman’s life. He’s who really deserves this.” 

A reported from the crowd surged forward, “Where is he today?”

Eren swallowed hard, a lump forming in his throat. “He’s dead.”

More murmuring.

“He died to save me. To save all of us.” Eren continued, his eyes glistening with tears that he struggled to hold back. 

Turning towards the now very appalled looking official, Eren took the medal. “I’m going to give this to the rightful owner. It should rest with him.” 

That’s when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned expecting Levi, but found Charlie instead. “I-it’s a nice ges-gesture.”

Eren nodded slightly before stepping down, taking his place by Levi’s side.

“Give another applause for Mr. Jaeger?” The official seemed confused, but Eren couldn’t care less.

He was able to depart knowing he had made the right decision.

“You did well.” Levi spoke up as they rode in the limo.

“I just did what needed to be done. Matt needs to be known for the rescue mission, not me.” Eren paused, “I don’t remember Charlie having a stutter before.”

Levi pursed his lips, “The doctor said it’s more than likely trauma induced...I didn’t ask, but I can see it in his eyes. Charlie has been through more than either of us dare to imagine. Stress like that changes someone.”

The rest of the drive was silent until they arrived at the hotel. Eren began stripping as soon as the door to their room closed. 

Wearing only his boxers, he face planted onto the bed and allowed his body to sink into the mattress as he breathed out an extended sigh.

A phone began to ring; Eren wasn’t sure if it was Levi’s or his own nor did he care.

“Hello?” Levi answered.

Oh, good. It was Levi’s so Eren didn’t have to answer, not like he was going to either way.

Eren finally felt like he was able to relax after everything that had happened these past couple days. He was ready to go home and be with Levi. Try to make sense of life and where he fit into it. 

The only thing he knew for sure was that he fit really well in between Levi’s arms. 

So maybe that was enough for now. That’s where he wanted to be now and forever.

“Eren.” Levi said, hanging up the phone. “That was Brown...He wants me to return to Egypt.”


	31. Separate ways

EREN POV

Rolling to his right, Eren checked the digital clock resting on the bedside table for the thousandth time that night.

Only three hours before the sun would rise and Levi along with it.

Staring at the glowing red numbers, Eren began to count the seconds in his head before the last number would change. When it did, his stomach lurched forward as a sickening feeling overwhelmed him with nausea and burned the back of his throat as if he were about to vomit. His mind had stopped counting now, only able to focus on a singular thought: It was yet another minute closer to the moment he had been dreading ever since Levi received a call from Brown.

A sigh escaped his lips as he flipped over, forcing himself not to look at the clock. Instead, Eren directed his full attention towards the man sleeping next to him. Levi was lying on his back, hands folded on his stomach as if he were Snow White, and with the contrast between his dark hair and ivory skin, he truly did fit the part.

Eren could recall the first night that they met in this world. Their encounter at the bar and how upon first sight, Eren was awestruck by the stranger’s attractive physique. He had thought that the initial appreciation of Levi’s appearance would fade with time as he got to see him more often, but it proved to be quite the opposite. 

Six months later, Eren was still baffled by how one man could look so damn perfect. There came a brief pang in his chest at the thought of not being able to wake up to that face every morning for..who knows how long? Eren decided then and there that he would memorize even the most trivial of details in Levi’s face if it meant that he could keep this image burned in his mind. This mental picture would be the closest thing he’d have to the real Levi during his absence.

Narrowing his eyes, Eren tried to soak it all up...The widow peak poking out at the top of Levi’s forehead, the wrinkle lines between his well trimmed eyebrows, or the soft pink of his lips. Eren smiled as he engraved each piece deep within his brain. It was then that he nearly laughed aloud when imagining what Levi would have to say if he awoke to find Eren gawking at him in such a way.

Whatever it would be, Levi would let each word drip with sarcasm which was a language that he seemed to be fluent in.

Eren smirked at the thought before reaching for his phone, knowing how much Levi would hate it, but he couldn’t care less. He needed a photo for sentimental value, the fact that it could also double as future blackmail material was simply a bonus. Joking aside though, Eren trusted a camera far more than his own memory to capture what may be his last night with Levi in a long time.

He never took the shot though. In fact, he didn’t even manage to make it past his lock screen which had an unsettling reminder. No notifications. 

Eren had been holding onto a thin strand of hope that Brown would have called, emailed, or at least texted about the return mission to Egypt. Eren had been hoping that after being recognized as some sort of heroic figure then Brown would be jumping at the opportunity to throw him back into the field so that Eren could play up his good deeds or some shit. 

Despite Eren not believing in his own worthiness for an award, the ceremony had been great publicity for the army. Brown would want more of that, right? Eren thought he would have been contacted by now...he hoped to have been. It was the only chance he had to stay with Levi.

“Fuck it.” Eren murmured under his breath, sliding out from between the sheets and getting to his feet. Sneaking to the bathroom, he dialed Brown who picked up after five rings.

“What do you want?” He answered gruffly, obviously not a cheerful riser. Then again, Eren did just call him before the sun had even begun to make it’s ascent.

“Mr. Brown, it’s Eren Jaeger.” 

“I know who you are. You’re the only one stupid enough ” Brown growled, “Why the hell are you calling me this early?” 

“I want to return to Egypt with Captain Ackerman.” Eren didn’t wish to waste time beating around the bush.

“What? Oh. Listen, Jaeger...If you wanted a job where you actually got a say in things then you shouldn’t have picked the army.”

“I know you don’t care about what I want, or even what I have to say, but I know you care about this mission. I assure you, sir, that if I go then this will be a success.” 

“Eren.” Brown stopped him, his voice stern yet soft. “I appreciate your concern of the mission’s success, but Captain Ackerman has years of experience that you do not. You can understand why I asked for his assistance and not yours. Besides, you need more time to recover before returning to the field.”

Eren sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “I’m recovered! I’m fine! Just let me do my duty.” 

“For now, your duty is to go home. Enjoy your family.” 

‘But..Levi is my family.’ Eren thought. 

“Right.” Eren huffed, hanging up. He knew that what he had just done more than likely violated several unspoken rules of how to treat your military superior, but that was the least of his problems.

Why would Brown turn down someone volunteering to fight? Eren was blatantly offering himself and got completely rejected. His boss was basically telling him that he couldn’t work. 

Opening the bathroom door, he trudged back to bed where he cuddled close to Levi. 

“I told you he would say no.” Levi whispered, wrapping his arm around Eren.

Eren flinched slightly at the sudden voice,“You heard all that?” 

“You’ve never been the quiet type, Eren.” 

“I’m sorry. I thought you were asleep.”

“I was until you woke me.”

Eren frowned, knowing full well that Levi barely slept at all anymore. For him to have woken Levi during one of the nights he actually managed to rest was the last thing he had wanted.

“Sorry.” The apology was muffled, but the guilt wasn’t. 

Slender fingers raked through Eren’s hair causing him to smile as he felt his muscles relax at the contact. “Do you have to go?” 

“You know I do, kid.” Levi replied, planting a kiss on his head. 

Squeezing his eyes shut, Eren wound a fist around Levi’s shirt and pulled the man even closer. He inhaled the scent which he had always found quite comforting. The smell of lavender and leather.

“Levi…”

“Hmm?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too. Now shut up and go to sleep.” 

Sleep would speed up time, but Eren wanted to make it stop. He fought to keep himself awake and cherish however much time they had left. With the soothing scent filling his nose and the comfort of a gentle hand rubbing circles over his back though, he wasn’t able to stay awake much longer. 

Two hours later, Eren jolted awake at the ringing sound of the alarm. Punching the clock to silence the annoying noise, he sat up slowly and rubbed his eyes.

“Careful, brat. I don’t want to pay extra for any damages.” Levi said from across the room, a suitcase open in front of him which he seemed to be nearly finished packing. A towel was wound up on his head, pieces of wet hair poking out from beneath it. 

“How long have you been up?” Eren croaked.

“Never went back to sleep.” Levi replied, zipping his suitcase. “Come on, we don’t need to be late.” 

Eren chewed on his lower lip, watching as Levi removed the towel turban and let his hair fall down. 

The missed opportunity to shower with Levi was causing Eren to mentally bang his head into the wall. Something he would have physically acted upon, but didn’t want to cause any damages as Levi had said. 

Rolling out of bed and onto his feet, Eren hobbled around the room in a half conscious rush to stuff his belongings into the shabby suitcase that his mom had let him borrow. 

Eren was ready to see her again, he needed his mom’s kind eyes and understanding smile while she wrapped her arms around him. She would be his angel if she could keep him sane throughout this.

For the time being, Eren was keeping his cool well enough to keep a straight face. He managed to keep a strong appearance until they reached the airport. That was when he started to feel his sanity starting to slip. 

They passed through the security process with no problems though Eren silently wished there had been. A delay would have been appreciated, but all too soon it was time for them to say goodbye.

“I’m going this way.” Levi nodded over his shoulder. The opposite direction of where Eren’s gate would be.

The inner wheels of his mind were working overtime at this point, spinning out of control to come up with some form of distraction or excuse that would stop Levi from leaving. He knew it was no use though...and it would be a dishonor to keep a soldier from their mission.

“I’ll be back before you know it.” Levi promised. 

Eren nodded, forcing a thin smile. Stepping forward, he pulled the shorter man into a deep embrace and squeezed tightly until he felt his muscles begin to cramp before releasing ever so slowly. 

“Be careful…” Eren pleaded.

“I will be.” Levi pulled away. Reaching out, he allowed their fingertips to brush against one another before he turned. 

Eren’s breath hitched as he did so. His eyes lingered on Levi’s figure walking away and he couldn’t manage to tear his eyes off him until he had disappeared.

~ ~ ~

Despite being surrounded by hundreds of people, Eren felt an overwhelming sense of loneliness as he watched the bustling crowds of people around him. Standing there at the baggage claim, Eren waited and watched for his suitcase which was one of the last to come out. 

Towing the suitcase behind him, Eren stepped outside and was met with a sharp gust of wind that sent shivers down his spine. Drawing his coat closer around him, he huffed out a breath of air as he glanced around for his mom’s van. 

“Eren!” A soft sweet voice called out to him and he broke out into a smile as he turned to see his mom. She stood at the curb, the silver van behind her, and Bella by her side. 

Eren breathed a sigh of relief at the sight of two familiar faces. That breath was knocked out of him once he was in close proximity to Bella though. At least one of them hadn’t changed.

“Hey, honey.” Claire wrapped her arms around him.

Eren allowed himself to sink into her embrace. “Hi, mom.”

“Where’s Levi?” She asked as they parted though she didn’t release his shoulders. Her brows furrowed as she looked around. 

“He was needed for another deployment.”

“Already?” She clicked her tongue. 

“Yeah...Where’s dad- I mean, Gavin?”

“Oh.” Claire smiled, her posture straightening. “I left him.” She declared proudly.

“What?” Eren gaped in disbelief.

“I’ll tell you all about it in the car.” She said.

And so she did.

As they drove home, Claire told Eren the whole story about how she had found out that Gavin only told her about seeing Eren on television because he figured prize money would be involved. Apparently, he regretted his decision once Eren dug up the past and had his mother searching for his biological father. Things quickly went downhill from there and Clairw eventually had enough.

“So, I left him.” She concluded, pulling into the gravel driveway.

“Mom, are you okay?” Eren asked.

“Better than ever. He had always been such a lazy man and a lousy husband.” 

Eren was simply happy to hear that his mother had found her own happiness. “That’s great.” 

“Listen, Eren.” Her demeanor suddenly changed. 

He stopped from getting out of the car, and turned to look at her.

“I found your dad. Your real dad.”


	32. Rejection and realization

EREN POV

 

Sitting at the kitchen table, Eren’s eyes continually flickered between the two objects before him. One being his cellphone and the other being a wrinkled piece of paper on which a phone number was scrawled in blue ink. He had never imagined this moment would actually arrive despite how often he had hoped it would. 

Whenever he’d run away from his foster homes, which had occurred more times than he could count, Eren had always found himself at a phone booth where he’d spend hours calculating new numerical formulas in a desperate attempt to find the magic set that would lead to finding his parents. Miraculously, his mother had managed to find him. At least, it wasn’t as miraculous as it was due to a selfish bastard named Gavin, but that wasn’t important. He was reunited with one half of his parents and now he had the accurate phone number for his father right in front of him.

Staring down at the paper that could potentially change his life (as if he hadn’t experienced enough life changing events lately), it felt nothing like his younger self had imagined. Sure, there was excitement. Yet there also existed an element of fear. One that had prevented him from calling immediately upon hearing the news that his mom had given him two days ago. 

Taking a deep breath, Eren snatched up the phone. He had waited long enough and if he procrastinated any more than he would never do it. Dialing the number, he pressed the call button. It rang once, twice, three times, and then four. Eren’s leg was bouncing beneath the table, half of his mind was screaming at his fingers to hang up and chuck the phone across the room. Yet there remained that piece of him that needed to know. 

“Hello?”

The voice that answered was gravelly and somehow strangely soothing. 

“Um..yes, hi.” Now his brain was yelling at his fingers to slap him.

“Who’s this?”

Eren cleared his throat awkwardly, “My-My name is Eren Jaeger. My mom is Claire.”

Silence.

“Hello?” Eren bit his lower lip, wincing at the awkwardness that was practically eating him alive.

“I’m still here…” The man spoke slowly. “Did you say Claire?”

“Yeah, yeah. Claire is my mom.”

“How did you get this number?”

“She gave it to me. Claire did.”

“How did she track me down?” The man wondered, seemingly talking to himself. “I’m sorry, who is this? Why are you calling?”

Now for the hard part. “Because you’re my dad.”

Click. The phone call ended.

Eren blinked, lowering the phone from his ear as he stared dead ahead. Did that just happen? Was it intentional? Should he call back? 

He didn’t, but rather Eren spent the remainder of his evening in the guest bedroom. Rolling onto his side, he stared at the plate of dinner that Claire had brought to him an hour ago. It was cold by now, but he had no desire to eat it even when warm. 

His stomach felt empty. Everything did. Normally, Levi would make him feel better, but the ravenette was thousands of miles away and Eren was all alone except for Bella who had followed him upstairs. She had passed out not long ago, curled at Eren’s feet and snoring loudly. 

The rumble was annoying, but how it vibrated the bed was enough to send Eren into a somewhat restful sleep which was a relief from the disappointment weighing down on him. 

However, that momentary solace was abruptly disrupted by Claire closing the door behind her as she entered the room. Cracking one eye open, Eren glanced in her direction.

“Sorry.” She mouthed, tip toeing closer. “I just came to get your plate.” 

“Oh, right.” Eren sat up slowly, rubbing his eyes. 

“No, no. Go back to sleep.” Claire insisted, waving her hand at him as she stooped to get the still full plate of food.

“I’m already-“

His phone began to ring. Reaching out, Eren grabbed it from the bedside table. 

“Hello?” He spoke into the mic. 

“Eren?” There it was. The very same voice he had been longing to hear for his whole life, and the one that had hung up on him hours ago.

He almost dropped the phone. “Yeah, that’s me.” 

By the expression he wore, Claire must have known who was on the other line. 

“Daniel?” She whispered, pointing to the phone.

Eren nodded and she quickly moved to sit beside him. Placing the call on speaker, they both listened intently. 

“Listen, I’m sorry I hung up earlier. I-I just didn’t know what to say, ya know? I mean, that’s-you’re my kid. I didn’t know how to respond to that.” 

“Right…” Eren cleared his throat awkwardly. 

“You sound real grown. How old are you now?”

“Nineteen.” 

“Has it really been that long?” Daniel sighed, “I’m sure you got a lot of questions for me.”

Eren scoffed, “Yeah. That sounds about right.”

“I’ll let you ask all of them, okay?”

“O-Okay.” Eren glanced at his mother who nodded encouragingly, one hand clamped over her mouth as she stared at the phone with softened eyes.

“Why did you leave?” Eren asked. It was the first question that came to mind and the only one that seemed to truly matter.

“What do ya mean?” 

“I mean, you left me. Why?” Eren didn’t mean for the words to come off so harshly, but they had.

“Oh. Right, of course.” There was a brief pause. “I don’t know what all Claire has told you, but we didn’t exactly plan for it-for you- to happen. I was barely outta high school. Your momma was a senior, hadn’t even graduated yet. We couldn’t raise a baby, ya know? We were too young. Definitely too stupid or at least I was. Claire, on the other hand, top of her class.” Daniel rambled.

Eren wanted to understand, he was trying to. None of it seemed to make sense though. It didn’t excuse the pain that he had to endure. It didn’t click with him that he had to suffer because of his parent’s mistakes.

“So, what? You got off the hook?”

“Well, I mean, that’s what I thought at that age. Thought I’d wiggled my way out of some serious shit- Sorry, I mean crap.”

“I don’t give a fuck if you say shit or not. I’m an adult.” Eren snapped.

“Right. Sorry, forgot. Listen…Eren, I know this may be hard for you to hear, but I want you to know that I didn’t forget.” 

“What?”

“I thought about you and your momma all the time-“

“Then why didn’t you care enough to come find me?” 

“Because I had made my decision. I wasn’t ready to be a father, but knowing what I missed out on now that I get the experience-“ 

“Experience?” Eren echoed, arching an eyebrow.

“Yeah. I got two kids now, and then you.” 

“And then me…” Eren noted how he had been an afterthought. “You have two other kids?”

“My wife and I do, yeah.” 

That’s when Eren heard Claire sniffle. Glancing over, he could see her cheeks more flushed than usual. Her eyes were watery, and her brows were pulled tight together.

“Let me get this straight. You abandoned the family you already had and got a new one.” Anger pulsed through Eren’s veins even more so than before. Seeing the emotions he was experiencing clearly displayed on his mother’s face was the final straw. He was used to rejection, he could handle it. For Daniel to practically reject his mother though? He couldn’t accept that.

“Eren, you gotta understand that your mother and I weren’t married. We weren’t a proper family like Emily and I are.”

“Is that what makes a family to you? A piece of paper?”

“Marriage is more than a piece of paper, son.” 

“Don’t call me that.”

“Eren, I didn’t want to get off on the wrong foot. If I’ve overstepped then I apologize, but I wanted to explain.”

“I think I’ve heard enough.”

Silence.

“If you ever wanna talk then you know where to find me. Feel free to call this number anytime.” 

Now it was Eren’s turn to hang up. As soon as he did, Claire stood. “Well, that’s that.” Her voice shook. “You should sleep. It’s getting late.”

“Mom,” Eren sighed, “Wait.”

Looking over her shoulder at him, Claire rubbed her wet cheeks on her cardigan. “Hmm?” 

“Fuck him.”

“Eren.” She began, but he cut her off. Standing, he stepped in front of her and grabbed her shoulders.

“Forget him.”

Claire nodded slightly, lowering her head. “I thought I had..And then Gavin left, I realized that our relationship would have ended one way or another. It was always your dad for me. Nobody else.”

Eren swallowed hard. He understood how she felt, he knew Levi was the only once for him. To lose that love would hurt like hell. 

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, pulling her into a hug. “I’m sorry.” He repeated.

“I should be the one whose sorry.” Claire spoke, her voice muffled by Eren’s shirt which she had buried her face into. “I left you when you needed me the most. Is that what this felt like?”

“It was worse.” Eren pursed his lips, holding her tighter as she shook with quiet sobs. “But after everything, it was kind of worth it.”

“What?” 

“Yeah...I never really thought about it until now, but I had been anticipating this with Daniel. Except I thought it would have hurt more, and it did sting. Just not as much as I thought it would and I think that I’m finally realizing how this works.”

“What, honey?”

“How love works.” Eren whispered, recalling when Levi had mentioned his worth that one night. He had been right, that worth wasn’t earned. It was something he always had just like every other human. “It doesn’t come from other people. It starts with you. I always assumed that if nobody else wanted or loved me than I wasn’t worth shit, but I am. I’m a soldier. I always was..I fought through all the stupid court dates, bad foster homes, bullying. I came out the other side. I always had an identity as a soldier. I didn’t need a piece of paper to tell me who I was.” A smile slowly began to spread across his face as he spoke.

“Oh, Eren.” Claire pulled back, taking his face in both her hands. “I wish I had been there.”

“You would’ve handed it to me, mom. I never would have become who I am today without everything I had to do to get here. To finding Levi and eventually you.”

Claire sniffled again. “I love you.”

“I love you too, mom.” Eren rubbed her hand with his thumb. “And just because that asshole doesn’t love you anymore, doesn’t mean you can’t carry on fighting.”

“I know, I know.” She wiped her tears. “I already have everything I could need right here.” She patted his cheek.

Eren had used to believe that he needed everyone to like him, but truthfully, all anyone needs is a few good people that stand by their sides through thick and thin. A few people that share life together and love each other unconditionally. He had found that. He didn’t need anything more.


End file.
